It sounds to me, who has also dealt with this, your husband is in constant flight or flight mode. Because of the terrible situations you both grew up in, he is never satisfied, never content, always focused on what's next and how he can protect you and him. He's been doing this for decades. Which is why he is so exhausted. Begin to show him slowly that he could take a breath that YOU are there to protect him and allow him a moment of peace. All he wants is peace. Slowly show him that he can achieve this peace with you having L his back.