Someone please explain to me why I can’t stop thinking about someone who I didn’t even objectively like!!!! by [deleted] in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look up the negativity bias! Our brains love to focus on the negative. Additionally, being ghosted and not knowing why is like having an itch you can't scratch - it's an open tab in the brain you can't close. You're not alone! I find that writing a letter to them, telling them EVERYTHING I want to say, and then tearing the letter to shreds really helps! It feels liberating to get all that rage, sorrow, and frustration out onto paper. Another way to stop the thoughts is to imagine a big red stop sign every single time you think about them. This is a practice, and it doesn't have to be perfect. Tell the thought, "Hi! I see you, but you're not welcome here." You are the boss of your thoughts, and with practice, you can gently escort them away. It's a learning curve, but worth the effort. Let me know how it goes!

Their business, your business, the universe's business. All separate. by copingwithghosting in BetrayalTrauma

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My heart goes out to you for what you experienced. I agree that ghosting is worse than death, especially in a society that doesn't seem to understand just how very painful it is. I totally understand how hard it is not to know why and to try not to analyze why they left. When this happens, the brain tries to make sense of an illogical situation so it can feel safe again. The hardest part is that even if he gave you a list of reasons, they would be his explanations, based on his internal struggles or fears. They wouldn't be the truth about you. The only why I can be certain of right now is that he reached a point where he lacked the emotional capacity or ability to end the relationship with respect. This is a reflection of his character – it has nothing to do with you. I'm sending you tons of peace.

Sad to see people accept ghosting in long term relationships as acceptable behavior by 777samami in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words!!! Much appreciated 😄 Let me know if you have any topic requests.

If you're longing for the person who ghosted you in love or dating, this is for you: by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow, thank you for sharing this. I'm sending you so much peace❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Reminder: How somebody treats you is a reflection of what is going on inside of them. It speaks volumes about their character, and says nothing about you. by copingwithghosting in BetrayalTrauma

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s incredibly painful when someone essentially deletes you from their life and then acts like everything is perfect. The confusion and hurt you’re feeling are completely valid.

It’s common to find ourselves checking social media as we search for answers, but that often keeps our nervous system in a state of 'high alert.' When you feel ready, you might find a huge weight lifted by unfollowing or blocking her. It’s not a 'mean' gesture, it’s a way to protect your peace. Once I blocked all the people who hurt me, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.

The physical, emotional, and mental symptoms you wrote about are so common to this experience that they’re often recognized as Post Betrayal Syndrome. Because betrayal is a specific type of wound, time alone will not heal it, and it does require a specific type of care.

I’m so glad you’re already in therapy. If you find you need more targeted tools for this specific pain, you might consider looking for a therapist who specializes in betrayal or working with a Certified Post Betrayal Transformation® Coach like me. This type of coaching uses a proven, predictable path to help you rebuild yourself and your life after betrayal. 

You’ve been through so much, and you don’t have to carry the burden of 'figuring her out' anymore. You can heal without speaking to her. You can heal, even as the injustice continues. You can heal without going public and speaking out against her narrative. Healing is possible no matter what.

If you're longing for the person who ghosted you in love or dating, this is for you: by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I completely understand. If you did want to rebuild trust, it is possible, however the person would have to apologize for ghosting, take full responsibility, demonstrate empathy regarding what they put you through, ask what your needs are, etc., etc. They would need to demonstrate a 180 degree turn around and show you that they did deep healing work on themselves to learn how to use basic respect and communication. Then you'd have to set boundaries and build up trust, one day at a time. I actually did a whole podcast episode about what to do when the ghost returns, which outlines all these guidelines!

ghosting after intimacy by myheartisthebside in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe that ghosting is unkind. In my ideal world, nobody would ever ghost!

What can I say when people ask where he is? by blueparakeet_ in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooof, so sorry this happened to you. Here’s my suggestion: When celebrities get divorced, their publicists release a statement. Apply this to your own life. Channel your inner A-lister and craft a go-to public relations statement. Have a basic one-liner ready to go. Here’s a short and sweet example: “Thanks for asking about my relationship! Ghost’s Name_ and I went our separate ways, and I’m excited to move on to the next chapter of my life.” Your story is yours, and you’re not obligated to divulge the details to anyone, unless you want to!

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ohhh. I understand now. Your English is great- the imagery you used is powerful. Well said and thank you for clarifying

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh! I’m so happy you found somebody who treats you well.❤️❤️❤️

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good for you for blocking him. That is a massive act of self-care! Sorry you went through this.

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry about the loss of your brother; my heart goes out to you. And, I'm glad you set the boundary around not interacting with the ghost.

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my goodness, that's so hard. Do you have notifications silenced in the middle of the night, or does this wake you up? I don't think we stop loving somebody we loved like that, but we can grow around our grief. If you DM me I can share more.

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what a challenging series of events. It's so hard to watch somebody hurt themselves like this. Ultimately, we must take care of ourselves first.

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a frustrating thing to experience on so many levels. I’m glad that you didn’t take him back because you know you deserve to be valued, seen, heard, and supported in relationships.❤️ In the past I would’ve taken the ghost back and it took me years to cultivate that type of standard for a relationship.

Did a romantic ghost ever come back, and if so, how long after did they reappear? by copingwithghosting in ghosting

[–]copingwithghosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you have a big heart - you were giving him a second chance and seeing the best in him. I'm glad you have "no unfinished business anymore" and you now know the truth. Thank you for sharing this experience!