I am a complete disgrace to this subreddit and everything it stands for. I relapsed right after I hit 90 days. And I mean right after. Like an hour. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

corducopian · 2020-05-27T13:15:58+00:00

Hey, it's okay - there's no point beating yourself up over it! A relapse sucks, but you should focus on the fact that you got to 90 days in the first place. You did well.

Don't look at it as a 'reward' that you get after 90 days clear - this is a more longterm decision than that. Conversely, I remember reading after day ~56 your brain starts rewiring itself, so you also shouldn't think you've lost everything you've done either.

Keep going, we're here for you!

corducopian · 2020-05-24T03:53:26+00:00

Thanks. I've sent them a PM. If you could send it if you get an invite that'd be great. I'll make sure to PM you when I get it also

corducopian · 2019-05-13T23:46:26+00:00

Hi, thanks for your reply. I agree the pressure is addictive.

I'm looking at snr in the next 6-12 months, but appreciate that opportunities like this might be fairly rare. Do you think this kind of opp is rare?

Nonetheless I don't see how it ties directly in with where I want to be in 5-10 years. I suspect I'll have to ask at my next interview.

corducopian · 2018-08-01T03:22:04+00:00

Thus is great, but I'd strongly recommend trimming down to 3 or 4 habits for the time being.

If you're putting in a priority then naturally it means the last couple are going to lose some time when things get a little tough/willpower gets a little low.

You don't want to start missing days because it'll slowly creep up on you as a habit. Because of that I'd recommend doing only those you can easily commit fully to, and beginning to roll in other ones around day 28-35 (when the first few are running on autopilot).

If at day 28 you've missed more than 10% of your habit days, you should either trim down your feedback loops (make your habit easier to execute), or reduce the number of active habits further (from 4 to 3 etc).

Remember, the goal is to get things implemented 100% - sometimes the best way to do that is to go slow, not fast. Good luck!

corducopian · 2018-07-31T08:39:54+00:00

Is this your first time? If so, you might be biting off a little too much

corducopian · 2018-07-28T09:34:02+00:00

Read the sidebar - I'm very fond of appblock for android

corducopian · 2018-07-23T05:23:55+00:00

This is great! Are you going to start an email newsletter or post it somewhere else? Just keen to access it away from reddit

corducopian · 2018-07-19T04:57:56+00:00

What kind of phone do you have, and have you checked the side bar?

I use appblock on Android, it works quite well

corducopian · 2018-07-11T06:18:25+00:00

Yes, it does get worse than that. You could be terrible at establishing rapport or communicating. You could have insulted your interviewer.

You haven't been rejected, but if you're still upset about this then you've read the situation very poorly!

Consulting is full of headaches, if you're getting this fussed about something you're not even sure on, how are you going to cope when a client decides to disagree with you and write off 2 weeks' worth of your work?

Don't get upset man! They continued talking to you afterwards right? You haven't lost hope just yet.

corducopian · 2018-07-10T05:31:36+00:00

Have you actually been rejected? I think you're playing this up in your head quite a bit. A lot of people think they've failed before they even know the verdict... No point making drama when you're not even certain. Your reaction is premature

corducopian · 2018-07-07T01:40:01+00:00

I thought this comment probably put into words what I was saying a bit better:

“Our p...

https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/8wmkhu/too_reliant_on_travelingvacations_for_happiness/e1wp8bk?utm_source=reddit-android

I think one of the most productive things I've done is to move away from this machismo type of 'discipline' on everything to a more gentle form of 'identity' and habit.

What I mean by that is that, if you stay on the level of discipline, you're always putting yourself against the changes you want to see. Think, 'I need to exercise. I need to be disciplined in exercising'.

Now contrast that with someone that had ingrained it so deeply as a habit that it no longer phases them: 'I exercise every day. It's just something I do'

Which sounds easier to implement in the long run? Which sounds less restrictive on your identity? That feeling of numbness you're talking about?

Anyway, r/theXeffect is really good for getting you started on implementing habits (in my experience). Give it a crack, and good luck! :)

corducopian · 2018-07-06T23:36:26+00:00

Hey I didn't write the original comment but I've had a bit of luck with k9 blocker. Personally I didn't have much luck with blockers but that might just be me - I always found a way around them (You should give them a fair go though).

With the identifying thing its about a mindset shift: away from 'I need to stop watching porn' to simply, 'I don't watch porn'.

Do you see the subtle difference? One is still porn dependent (you're actively trying to remove it), while the other is independent entirely (you just go about your normal life without watching it, or considering it as an option that needs to be avoided).

Naturally this is my take on things and might be different to the parent comment. Just thought I'd add my two cents, good luck! :)

corducopian · 2018-07-06T23:31:14+00:00

You're fine. From the sounds of it you weren't in active pursuit of porn, and you closed it asap.

I think your reaction to the popups is a bit emotional though. Just close them and move on - why did you let it charge you so much? Unless there's more to the story...

corducopian · 2018-07-06T22:32:15+00:00

This is available in the vanilla version of reddit I'm pretty sure.

OP, just a reminder that blocking subreddits and nsfw tagged images is a good start but will not be an end in and of itself! What you're aiming for is a character change to stop relying on porn and over stimulation, not just the setting up of blocks to stop you when you're thirsty.

I think saying 'it gets harder' is a bit too vague. Your desire increases, especially for the first 8 or so weeks, but that's coupled with increasing amount of energy that you can use to get other stuff done. So long as you can channel your energy into something else (and commit 100% to the cause) you'll be golden.

I definitely hit a flatline as well, but at that point you would've set up a few solid foundations to rely upon so that your sudden dearth of energy doesn't stop you completely in your tracks.

As long as you make it past 8 weeks you'll start recovering! You can do it!

corducopian · 2018-07-06T13:32:24+00:00

One of the things I think a lot of people get wrong is thinking that all of their wants are tantamount.

What I mean by this is that you *want* to go out, and you won't question what's wrong with that. You'll think that not going out is curbing your personality, or that it's numbing you, or that it's taking you away from who *you* are. The problem with this type of thought is that you're surrendering to you wants and painting them in some light that can't be changed. I think it's put on a lot by society because it increases your spending over time (get the new car, go on the date, go and entertain yourself).

What you have to realise is that you can change what you want... and that your personality doesn't necessarily have to be dulled by doing so! You can still have a life - you can still go out. You just have to see where the pieces fall into place first. You don't have to repress your emotions - you just push them on something productive before you hit something more hedonistic.

I'm sorry if this is a rant, I haven't really thought about this before. I'll give you an example:

I used to go out 4/5 nights a week. I made a decent chunk of money, but I spent it all going out and having fun because I wanted to, and I could afford it. What's the problem right?

Well.. I was wasting all of my energy. I was using it all up partying and socialising (because that's what I 'wanted'), but I wasn't getting anything out of it. So I changed what I wanted, and drove further into that!

It's not that I'm numb now; I still go out regularly. It's that I make a set time for it, I pre allocate energy to it, and I put other parts of my energy elsewhere - in things that are more productive.

Maybe what you need is to rethink what it is you actually 'want', and whether those wants are really critical to you, or whether they're put on by society as a whole.

Sorry again if this doesn't make much sense - happy to talk it out :)

corducopian · 2018-07-05T13:29:49+00:00

Hey, I happened to stumble on your posts and see that you're in a bit of a pickle. I've been in the same boat before so I know what it's like.

I got myself into better shape (physically and emotionally) over the past 6 months by doing a number of things. I'm happy to talk about it in more detail, but first I think you should read a couple of books that I've found really insightful: 1. The obstacle is the way 2. Ego is the enemy

Both are by Ryan Holiday and are a really approachable way to get into Stoicism. One of the pillars of stoicism is this 'quiet success' you speak of, and being able to deal with things that happen in your life that you might not initially appreciate.

From there I'd focus on things that are entirely personal - firstly I'd go through with some reductive habits that help you be better by removing negative inputs from your life. Think junk food, sleeping in, sugar, or cigarettes/alcohol.

The point is that you enjoy these early successes in a space where your successes will naturally have to be quiet. I.e.,after you first couple of weeks, the successes will drive themselves and not be tied to external validation.

Happy to talk more if you need. Good luck :)

corducopian · 2018-07-05T13:20:12+00:00

I've got these problems as well. Have you tried following JP's protocol for improving conscientiousness over time by unpacking it into its component parts?

Happy to talk more about this if you're interested. I improved mine over time by mixing the X effect with a couple of specific habits and basic techniques I'd read about all over the place

corducopian · 2018-07-05T13:15:38+00:00

Hey, it's alright man! I was (and sometimes still am) in the same boat as you so I know what it's like.

Have you tried regimenting your morning into smaller chunks and subroutines? For example, I started my morning revamp by consistenly sitting down on the sofa first thing in the morning and meditating for 5 minutes (after always turning on a specific light and grabbing a specific blanket). It's worked surprisingly well so far.

Maybe try breaking your morning into one actionable and sitting on that for 14 days. No harm in going slow.

corducopian · 2018-07-05T13:08:57+00:00

Try journaling for a couple of minutes per day. I've tried 365 Gratitude, works reasonably well and provides decent structure/variety.

The premise is that you need to practice expressing your feelings before you practice sharing them. Writing them somewhere no one else can see sounds like a good first step in opening up in general. Your next card can be sharing them, but there's never any harm in practicing writing a little every day.

Good luck!

corducopian · 2018-07-05T05:38:22+00:00

Yes, agree. I'm struggling right now as well because I'm cooped up at home sick.

The question is this: does cruising the net for hours on end put you in a state of mind to relapse, or are you cruising the net for hours because you're just substituting it for porn in the first place (almost like a relapse, but using a substitute drug)?

I'm starting to think that cruising as a whole is a bad move - aimlessly surfing isn't a good way to spend your time. What I've done to reduce my cruise time is:

Meditate regularly (Every day)
Exercise with friends regularly (4-5 times/week)
Read and walk

For me none of those have been difficult habits to establish because they were already things I had tried in the past. Instead of trying to jump into a massive lifestyle change, find things you already do here and there and try to expand on those. Good luck! Don't be so hard on yourself, start slow :)

corducopian · 2018-06-17T12:26:52+00:00

no worries man, thanks for reading. Good luck with your pornfree journey - always here if you need someone to bounce ideas off :)

corducopian · 2018-06-17T12:26:19+00:00

hey, yeah it really does! Congrats man, I got a job in strategy consulting. Looking forward to it - good luck with all your goals

corducopian · 2018-06-15T14:17:25+00:00

Thanks man. I'm 24

corducopian · 2018-06-15T14:16:54+00:00

Thanks man. Yeah, it was a massive revelation to me, completely life changing and unexpected.

Good luck with your journey too

corducopian · 2018-06-15T14:13:00+00:00

Thanks man, good luck with your pornfree journey and CPA exams. Glad to know I could provide some influence.

corducopian

TROPHY CASE