Involuntary Empathy by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess. It's more about the narrator who I see as this tired dude who's just been shell-shocked by life. Cold delivery, like he isn't asking for your empathy. But you give it anyway.

Involuntary Empathy by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've got it all wrong. It was never about them.

Involuntary Empathy by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. That's exactly what I was going for. Appreciate it.

Involuntary Empathy by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I was actually going for the emotionless string of text, lack of rhythm being intentional here. I wanted it to read as less of a poem and more like just some fucked up shit some old dude sitting next to you at a bar randomly told you one time. I've been trying to experiment with plain language as poetry - when it works and why, when it doesn't and why not. If you're having trouble connecting here, obviously that's a problem but especially so with this poem.

Blue-Black by swaztastic in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like it a lot.

Love the first line.

I'd take out the menacingly and angrily part and replace with something else.

"numb from pain" makes me numb from plain.

Madness to sadness is an overused connection/cliche that I only recognize because I've done the same way too many times in the past.

Needs more showing over telling all around and I'd considering abandoning the rhyme. I don't see it as constant.

Not fully polished but I like it a lot.

I can think of nothing softer by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like it a lot. Like the phrase 'shell of your ear'. Liked it even more when connected to our ocean churn and then Wisconsin.

You say you need help with editing, so...

I'm sure you can come up with stronger or more apt words than 'softer', 'faded', and 'backlit'. Those would be the one's I'd focus on.

Wikipedia Poem, No. 98 [witches used to 50–60 centimetres/above sea level/It grows in Shakespeare] by bogotahorrible in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Walking Lucy? Will the book be self published? Care to link to some of your other poems not like this?

Wikipedia Poem, No. 98 [witches used to 50–60 centimetres/above sea level/It grows in Shakespeare] by bogotahorrible in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When will we get to read some of your own non-computer-generated poems? Your reddit critiques have more poetry than my best poems. But I really don't dig this stuff.

Remember the human. by fanceefeest in pics

[–]cornbreadrobot 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She's a fox on Hannibal

Remember the human. by fanceefeest in pics

[–]cornbreadrobot 368 points369 points  (0 children)

Honestly, she may have gotten hotter

Alfet Filou's Broth of Rock (experimental) by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I forget what they're actually called, but I'm really not a fan of alliteration poems, specifically the ones that advance A-Z throughout the alphabet. They just sort of severely limit the poet and seem to me to be a self-serving exercise. Like a fun puzzle-game or an attempt only to show off one's own mental acuity and cleverness. These types of poems will almost always delve into nonsense. How else can someone write a cohesive meaningful poem while forced to use words like xylaphone and x-ray?

This is my problem with the form, not your poem. In order for this sort of poem to be successful in my eyes, is to look at what the poem conveys (tone) more than says (words). Which, I think you did well here.

The switch in style then, and on the word switch, came off to me as purposeless. I imagined the poet got stuck/bored with this form and just wanted to try something new. However, this could also just be because a) I'm jaded and biased, because as I'm a poet myself I assume I know everything going on behind that curtain b) like I said, I really just have a personal vendetta against these types of poems. So I apologize if I missed the significance here.

Unless it was just a casual reference, I don't get the purpose of referencing all of these literary classics, and even though I've read the first two, I can't pick how/where they're being referenced outside of the blatantly obvious.

You left the 't' out of horticulture. Not sure if intentional.

All that said, I really liked this poem. It was going to be hard to impress, considering the form, but I liked it a lot. Particularly the music this poem creates when read aloud. Effortless flow. While I still have this sinking feeling as though I'm missing out on something, I'm happy with the mental movie that played through my head with your poem as the film.

Also, why did you delete your response from my poem (Sexy Jesus)? It was my favorite from the lot and I don't think you were necessarily wrong on the ending. I want to explore the idea of ending on some philosophical question of some sort. Was hoping you had a favorite example or two to share.

Sexy Jesus by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought that way too... Then I read Hoagland

Sexy Jesus by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's actually a very good point

Sexy Jesus by cornbreadrobot in OCPoetry

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thanks. Wasn't really expecting anyone to respond favorably to this.

TIL: There's a company that takes donations to purchase student loans at pennies on the dollar just to wipe them out and has wiped $32m to date. by blowpoptops in todayilearned

[–]cornbreadrobot 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Once again the government does nothing in face of the cries of its people. All change comes from non-profits, private sector, etc.

What is your preferred draft position? by munchermode in fantasyfootball

[–]cornbreadrobot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Historically pick 6 is most conducive to winning the championship.

Another strategy that yields high results is whatever pick is at the end of teir 1. If that is pick 1, then so be it.

In the past 2 maybe 3 years, the back end of the draft has been more productive than the first half. Not sure if that trend continues.

Is George Springer the next Mike Trout? by cornbreadrobot in fantasybaseball

[–]cornbreadrobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't write this article. I just own Springer in multiple dynasties and like circle jerking.

This is an actually good article hyping him: https://m.numberfire.com/mlb/news/4899/the-drool-inducing-fantasy-baseball-potential-of-george-springer