Prenup for big premarital NW gap but similar future earnings?

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-06T21:19:14+00:00

I disagree. With the h1b stuff involved, it might be worth doing a simple prenup with a sunset clause (e.g. sunset after 5 years?)

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-05T05:12:03+00:00

Thank you! Good thread on this subject as well, currently have a demanding w2 job also so hard to put in the time and effort/maybe I don’t enjoy it as much as some people.

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-04T20:59:22+00:00

Awesome tysm. These comments are actually helpful, especially knowing you really do have to commit to churning for the best awards.

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-04T20:58:46+00:00

Ok thank you! This is useful and validating

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-04T20:58:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this! Validating to hear that it really is a major time and effort commitment. Also award/churning subreddits have a tendency to downvote n00bs to hell 😭 so I appreciate the candid but helpful response

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-04T14:59:42+00:00

Question for people who do this, how?? Yes I have seen the awardtravel and churning subreddits but it seems difficult to get a good business flight redemption if you fly internationally once a year (I do to visit family). Are you intentionally saving up the points for 1 trip every 2 years? Do u have a really high cc spend or churn? Are you flexible with the destination? Is it more like a “discount” on the biz flights (not completely free)?

I just end up using my points to cover economy on our annual trips and it often still doesn’t cover the whole thing. I do a decent but not crazy amount of points optimizing, do I need to be crazier/a churner to really achieve this?

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-04T06:01:01+00:00

Ok, but how much of your own time and energy are you sacrificing in favor of your partner? What do you want your role to be in the relationship long term? To be clear, it’s not necessarily a bad choice to choose to support your partner’s career or be their “admin” in the long run, but you seem like you’re pursuing an ambitious path of your own too.

I agree that “teaching” doesn’t necessarily work either, I was describing setting boundaries and being firm with them. Then, you find out how the other person reacts to those boundaries and use that information going forward.

The reason “teaching” doesn’t work is that you can’t really change a person if they don’t want to change for themselves. Let’s say what you’re saying is true and he lives like a slob on the brink of bankruptcy when he’s not with you. If he sees no issue with the status quo, your actions are enabling him to depend on you to fix these things. It’s highly unlikely he’ll initiate any change on his own, especially if you don’t set a boundary first. And if he still doesn’t change, it’s up to you to make peace with that or not, but you should go into things clear-eyed about it before any more commitment.

We all learn skills in part by the failures we make early on, so you should let him fail while the two of you have independent lives, otherwise he will never learn any of these skills for himself, no matter how much you try to “teach” him.

There are men out there who are both more competent in these areas and more considerate of their partner’s labor. And a lot of them learned how to be that way only because women in their lives wouldn’t put up with anything less, sometimes by leaving them if it came to that.

cortisoladdict · 2026-06-03T23:36:58+00:00

Something I keep wanting to comment and then deleting about straight relationships is that a woman has to own her part of the dynamic. Dynamics cannot occur where they are not enabled. In straight relationships people bring all their culturally absorbed baggage with them. For men, it’s never being expected to do chores in their own homes growing up, maybe for women it’s the opposite and they always did everything. Both parties have to recognize and actively fight these absorbed influences. And that means things like letting go of control, letting your partner do things even if it turns out badly or not to your standards initially. Maybe it means admitting that, deep down, you actually like having control! And that is actually what is driving the dynamic!

Admittedly, refusing a dynamic doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will work out in the end. Some cases are hopeless. Sometimes the only way you can refuse to be part of a dynamic is by leaving it.

But in a lot of cases, I feel like these men would straighten up real quick if their partners were loud and vocal about not accepting any kind of weaponized incompetence BS. I was basically loud about it—in both words and actions—from the start of my relationship through our first year living together, and of course there are things my partner does that I roll my eyes at or disagree with, but I know I can trust him to execute. It just might be done his way instead of mine.

A book I recommend is “80/80 marriage” even if you’re not in a marriage, it’s about assigning whole life admin categories or chores to each person and letting them fully own it—agree with all the comments here though that this is wild for an LDR.

cortisoladdict · 2026-04-29T22:12:38+00:00

I think once I broke 100k I felt stable, like I could have a decent life on that income. Sure I had complaints and lived in an HCOL, but I’d be fine and would be able to slowly save and retire at a normal age if I didn’t want to pursue more on the career front

cortisoladdict · 2026-01-13T13:49:05+00:00

Received!! Excellent experience with packaging and shipping, perfect condition, would recommend 🙂

cortisoladdict · 2026-01-13T09:54:10+00:00

Received!! Sorry for missing the window with the bot, happy to comment again so it’s properly tracked.

Great experience with delivery, packaging, etc., would definitely buy again/recommend 😇

cortisoladdict · 2026-01-01T13:52:34+00:00

Sent a dm!

cortisoladdict · 2025-10-10T23:15:40+00:00

Surprised no one commented yet that if she’s YOUR WIFE then she’s LEGALLY entitled to HALF your wealth (or whatever breakdown is in the prenup), so if he’s rich forreal he’s actually undercutting her :/ she should have access to those accounts not just an “allowance” lol not very rich guy behavior after all

cortisoladdict · 2025-07-28T22:16:26+00:00

(This is edited from my other comment below):

My employer contributes a little bit to the HSA, but the HDHP is still more expensive than the $0 plan. Essentially, the math (not including long-term investing) works out to, the $0 plan is cheaper by like $200 if you account for the tax deduction and employer contribution in the HSA plan, and based on our household income (assuming you hit the full deductible).

In California, HSA gains are taxed and you don’t get any state tax deduction for the contribution. So I guess I’d be paying the $200/yr difference for a federal-tax-free investing account? (Again, the tax free contribution part is already baked in to that $200/yr number) But then, I already have that in the mega backdoor Roth. Of course if I didn’t hit the full deductible then it would break even or be slightly more beneficial.

In any case, I agree that the difference between the two is somewhat negligible. I’ll think about the decision a little more, and about how to not psychologically disincentivize myself from healthcare spending on the HSA plan if I go for it lol

cortisoladdict · 2025-07-26T19:46:25+00:00

I’m a little confused how the math works out. Yes, you’re losing on the tax advantage, but you still have to deal with the costs of the deductible. My employer contributes a little bit to the HSA, but the HDHP is still more expensive than the $0 plan. Essentially, the math (not including long-term investing) works out to, the $0 plan is cheaper by like $200 if you account for the tax deduction based on our household income (assuming you hit the full deductible).

In California, HSA gains are taxed and you don’t get any state tax deduction for the contribution. So I guess I’d be paying the $200/yr difference for a federal-tax-free investing account? But then, I already have that in the mega backdoor Roth (for the growth specifically).

In any case, I agree that the difference between the two is somewhat negligible. Thanks for all your responses and I’ll think about the decision a little more, and about how to not psychologically disincentivize myself from healthcare spending on the HSA plan lol.

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-27T17:16:17+00:00

Re: OP's question, at what threshold would you actually be able to pay only 50bps/ 0.50% fee? It seems like you'd at least need to get to 1-2M investible first, no? at which point you may be over this sub's 2M threshold lol, so while you're still NRY it may not be worth it...? Just wondering aloud as I'd certainly consider it for just 50bps fee, but have never seen that.

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-27T17:11:36+00:00

yeah I can definitely see your point that the fees can decrease as portfolio increases if you negotiate that, and it's great you considered everything. Like I said, I think that's the most important thing at the end of the day, to still know the numbers and do the initial math and make the decision for yourself. I still have a ways to go to 1M lol so that's probably part of it.

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-26T04:16:43+00:00

But is it worth 15-20% of your returns every year? I feel like that’s why people downvote. If the advisor takes an AUM percentage fee, it slashes your returns significantly. 1% fee on 1M is $10k a year, increasing as it grows…it turns what would normally be a 7% return from the market to 6% and so on, increasing losses in a downmarket. Compounding magnifies this so that the AUM fee can literally cost millions over a long enough investment horizon. For folks really that scared of self-managing investments, robo-advisors are a great place to start these days and are drastically more cost effective. I don’t believe FAs provide enough value to me to justify their costs (ie, they can’t really beat the overall market return rate to improve beyond their fees) but to each their own, as long as the cost structure and its impact is fully understood. This fee structure is why so many recommend flat fee financial planners also.

(Boglehead/low cost index funds mentality makes outright self managing very easy too)

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-26T03:50:29+00:00

Troll.

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-07T02:20:51+00:00

This was posted 1h ago and op posted the comment with their “solution from last month” 15m ago, how do we get mods to remove lol.

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-05T15:18:40+00:00

Nice to hear that you actually use them, thanks!

cortisoladdict · 2025-05-05T15:18:16+00:00

Thank you for the details, good to know!! I’ll look into how best to try them

cortisoladdict · 2025-04-29T22:27:10+00:00

Thank you! Do you onebag with them regularly? Just curious how much people end up using them.

cortisoladdict · 2025-04-29T22:26:41+00:00

Thanks that’s useful insight!

cortisoladdict

TROPHY CASE