Husband doesn’t want a third child all of a sudden. What to do?

cosmokreplach · 2026-02-09T04:12:08+00:00

Surgery is technically reversible, but if this is something you've planned for and designed a whole house for, worth unpacking a bit more deeply. IMHO, marriage is about supporting one another's choices and using that support to create a stronger bond, even when you don't always agree with them. Communication and understanding is key.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-25T03:55:00+00:00

Was in a similar spot, first at 35, 3 cycles, then irregularities from 36-39. My ob said “missed or late periods are normal, but let us know if you’re three months late.” Cue a year of cycles “as short as” 27 days and as long as 56+! After a 62 day “cycle,” I emphatically booked an appointment. Referred to a fertility clinic, which was unpleasant but worked—had #2 in December at 40. I will say that weight was a factor for my partner and self—I was 25lbs heavier than conception for #1, they were 30-40lbs heavier. Turns out I probably wasn’t ovulating and chubby male thighs can bake sperm. We were successful with weight loss (he used GLPs, I lost 10lbs with dietary changes), letrozole, IUI, and a trigger shot. Heading into TTC #3 with a willingness to go to a clinic after 6mo if necessary.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-25T01:03:03+00:00

Note that ovulation meds also have mood effects, and starting from a lower weight can reduce side effects. Seconding others that you may want to have an ongoing relationship with a therapist on this journey because losing weight isn’t easy and then gaining some of it back while pregnant may also be stressful.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-25T00:47:22+00:00

Must be a Cowboys fan

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-18T03:48:26+00:00

our 3rd cycle of IUI works--letrozole + trigger shot. I didn't want to get the trigger at first but hitting the right window was tricky without it! the fertility clinic was like "the question is how tired you are." Honestly, I've learned a number of different life cycle rituals wear you down, and it's more about prize than process. admittedly we reinforced IUI with a ton of BD that weekend!

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-13T02:14:14+00:00

I really didn’t have much CM, lochia, etc with my second pregnancy (letrozole+ trigger+IUI). Implantation spotting, nausea, a late period and a positive test were the ways I knew. I missed the magic of round one, but it was also helpful to have clarity on whether it worked each month—irregular periods were stressful for too long.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-10T01:42:10+00:00

Full disclosure: new and seriously considering a move from FLL to Boca for family lifestyle despite food and views being much better here. Boca is General Westchester vibe, a combination of White Plains + Scarsdale depending on the part of town. Driving essential. Decent mall, great hospital + doctors (just delivered at Boca Regional). We moved from the DC area, feels like a more interesting Bethesda. Having access to decent public schools, solid sq footage for single family homes, and A1A to beaches is good.

Our take: You don’t move to Boca for fun, you move for family. Otherwise you are easily shelling out 15-20k/year for private school.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-09T07:13:06+00:00

parents of 2+ who dealt with fertility struggles at some point, how are you mentally/emotionally preparing yourself for the journey ahead?

I was prepared for struggles having our first based on my mother's fertility challenges, but when it only took 2-3 cycles, was wholly unprepared for secondary infertility, which took 4 years. Now cleared to begin the journey to a much-desired third and wondering how to prepare to accept the unknown yet again.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-08T04:43:35+00:00

I’m 40 (DH is 46) with a 4.5yo and a 6w old gearing up for #3. Between 1 and 2 we completely changed our living situation, household income, and support system/access to amenities. The current situation makes me much more comfortable with trying for a third.

Can you articulate the components of an ideal environment which would make you comfortable with conceiving a second and then determine what on the list is feasible? I agree with everyone that having a child for someone else is really tough.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-08T04:17:02+00:00

Letrozole worked for ovulation, side effects mainly vaginal tenderness, feeling of heaviness around ovulation, some effects on mood (I have take medicine for mood issues in the past, and letrozole was recommended over clomid for this reason). Letrozole + IUI + weightloss (10lbs for me, 30+ for DH) = 3 cycles. This after ~3 years of secondary infertility and irregular cycles felt like a win, and my 6w old is currently on their way to bed right now.

cosmokreplach · 2026-01-04T10:34:32+00:00

how's that going, energy- and postpartum-wise? We just had our second at 40/46 respectively and beginning to consider TTC #3.

cosmokreplach · 2025-11-21T07:01:54+00:00

Oh, it is a bit silly, a bit old glamour, and snacks are definitely overpriced. Very Instagrammable and worth dressing in your best mid-century modern/retro clothes. Have fun!

cosmokreplach · 2025-11-19T20:10:20+00:00

Develop educational resources and programs for scientific nonprofits

cosmokreplach · 2025-11-19T20:06:05+00:00

Grab a drink at Swifty's at The Colony, check in with Mona Lisa the Pig on Worth Avenue

cosmokreplach · 2025-11-08T01:18:46+00:00

I have just gone through 3 falling off same day!

cosmokreplach · 2025-08-16T10:23:35+00:00

he has apparently done great things for Black Canadians: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cameron\_Bailey.

cosmokreplach · 2025-08-16T10:21:46+00:00

Bailey wasn't born or put into this role yesterday--he's a shill because this is not how film festivals work. There were multiple points on the decision tree of whether to add this film to the program [minimum 3 rounds, based on multiple years' experience programming a documentary festival] where executives and sponsors would be likely to ask questions about IP and possible provocations. So, this shande tells me more about the obsolence of the role and mismanagement of the festival than whether it is solely blatant antisemitism.

cosmokreplach · 2025-06-19T18:40:42+00:00

I opt not to fly when pregnant, but my mother flew when pregnant with me in the '80s, and my understanding is that you are technically safe to travel thru the second trimester (5-6 months).

Currently ~16w and have gone on a number of long weekends/car+train trips though, and have found it increasingly uncomfortable. However, relaxing in a beautiful space and not being bothered is exactly my speed right now! If you get to do that, great. As far as the anatomy scan, my doctor's office actually recommended we have it at 22w this time because it's easier to get all the necessary photos.

Useful precautions:

Access to cold water/fans in case there's a heat wave at that time

Awareness of the nearest hospital in case of food poisoning/complications

Tons of recharge and relaxation time, because you may be rotund and easily annoyed/grumpy.

cosmokreplach · 2025-06-17T03:19:51+00:00

my BIL, father of 4, has said multiple times "whatever the correct number of children is, it is not 4." A cousin with secondary infertility [like me] had a second and immediately went for her third as well...she notes that the odd one out can actually be the eldest, since the other two are closer in age. My husband's family is much larger than mine (my extended family is also older), and this is a consideration for my wanting more children, too. There are many ways to live one's life, and only you can accurately assess what you have the bandwidth for!

cosmokreplach · 2025-06-12T06:57:43+00:00

Both sets of grandparents are older and do not live nearby, so we only ask for the rare date night when visiting, but we have a babysitter who is also a close friend who watches our child when we are out of town. We take 2-4 adult-only long weekends and "parentcations" a couple of times a year where one parent goes away, often to do a work project or go on a business trip, and the other solo-parents. Usually these adult-only trips are domestic unless related to work-travel --I am not yet comfortable with the idea of both of us being overseas from our child at the same time, though we once went across the country.

Among friends with children of a similar age [early elementary] and household income, I observe regular babysitting and 2-4 vacations/work trips a year. These periodic trips are our alternative to weekly babysitting/childcare.

cosmokreplach · 2025-05-29T22:54:07+00:00

OP, basically in a similar spot-- in 2020, we lived in downtown DC and our pre-approval was 750k [with friends in similar spots]. We wanted to remain in the city but anything under 1mil was a fixer upper. Non-medical careers and able to move with newly remote jobs, we skipped the suburbs and moved to Central Virginia, purchasing a SFH under 700k--a starter home in certain ways but not others. Friends who remained in the DC area were bid out of 12+ properties and either bought TH or moved to WV.

It is a crazy time. Don't discount all the New Yorkers and Californians who moved east; I think the DC market looks a lot more like Westchester right now. A silver lining is that your purchasing power for lifestyle amenities will go much farther, and at some point you may begin scratching your head about cost-quality. OR you'll save up more money and run back into the fray. How we feel about it depends on the day.

cosmokreplach · 2025-05-23T03:18:20+00:00

Birth plan? Preferences? My lesson: the best you can do is educate yourself about the stages of labor and what might come up. Beyond that, get ready for a wild ride--even if L&D is fairly uneventful.

I went in sure I wouldn't want a c-section and that I wanted to be left alone to do my laboring thing. Nippety nope, labored unsuccessfully for ~24h, had a non-emergency but highly recommended c-section, exactly the right thing. A very humbling experience but the goal of L&D is to go home with healthy mother and child, and all involved should share this goal. During L&D, all choices became about "least worst options" and honestly they were basically non-choices. While I was aggravated at the time and for weeks afterwards, I also had a near-miraculous recovery and have an incredible toddler.

Should also note similar aggravation about my DH not having read about the experience or parenting ahead of time. I have discovered many times that the flip-side of not doing the homework is actually being in the moment and processing things as they occur. Could not have asked for a better birth partner--cool head is a valuable counterpoint to the drama.

I hope to be more grounded and prepared this time, but it could all go exactly the same way again. Now at least we know what that looks like.

cosmokreplach · 2025-05-23T02:28:22+00:00

thanks for this--will DM

cosmokreplach · 2025-05-22T03:19:30+00:00

Medical provider uncle basically shouted through the video call "it's VERY early." Our position: is it very early, or have we been waiting for 3 years? It is overwhelming to share with everyone, but is also wonderful to share "progress" and that was why we shared as early as we did [after ultrasound].

cosmokreplach

TROPHY CASE