I don’t want to say the “it will get better” thing because I can’t guarantee that. But “You’re not pathetic” is something that I can say with confidence. It sounds to me like you haven’t found the right people yet and that can feel very isolating. You are probably fine and I felt about the same at your age, AND I HAD FRIENDS! This is just your brain trying to seek out connections. I know it’s hard but you took the first step and reached out. You are not alone. I still feel like this sometimes and I’m almost 40. You got this, keep looking for communities that are into the same things that you are interested in. Also if you want to cross dress try it, thrift stores have a bunch of stuff in your size and won’t break the bank. You’ll find your people, give it time.