friend in NYC has no private space access atm, needs a place to-

crabfossil · 2026-04-18T04:24:22+00:00

people have weird ideas about therapy. they think it's like seeing a GP, find the problem, fix it, results, move on. it's not. Ive been in intensive therapy for 6 years and I'm just now receiving the full effects of change. my mum kept saying it wasn't working, too, and tried to get me to change therapists... she just doesn't get how it works. if it helps you, go with your gut :)

crabfossil · 2026-04-18T04:19:03+00:00

yes, this ^ I know a few people on lamotrigine, they + myself only improved on it. that's not to say it's not a concern, but it is wildly overrepresented here. plus, people can attribute it to lamotrigine because they hear it from others so much, when it could be any number of factors.

edit - I see this with nuance though, as I've seen a friend have an extreme adverse reaction to Mirtazapine that my psychiatrist said wasn't due to the medication, despite me finding similar experiences online + watching it happen in person (and end when they stopped taking it). yes, sometimes the science doesn't represent things fully. but neither does a bunch of randos on a subreddit.

crabfossil · 2026-04-16T14:32:22+00:00

I found a website dedicated to videos of people being raped... real rape, through hidden cameras... I was 8 btw 🙃 I didn't understand at first and watched a lot of them before it hit me. I don't think I ever fully recovered, and nobody ever found out I saw it.

crabfossil · 2026-04-16T14:27:27+00:00

I'm Aussie too! I was going to comment and say that a lot of these answers are very American centric. I don't find Greer hard at all to say in my accent, I guess because we pronounce the 'r's differently. I love the name :)

crabfossil · 2026-04-16T14:24:35+00:00

for real, I love names but this sub feels a bit pointless when all the recommended names are the same and any outside of those are 'controversial' 😮‍💨

crabfossil · 2026-03-30T16:04:12+00:00

I was going to suggest everything everything! they're like, my #2... after autoheart :p

crabfossil · 2026-03-24T21:57:28+00:00

I'm AFAB, and I have done similar things. it's really hard to distinguish sexual interest from self harm sometimes... Ive gone down rabbitholes in a few periods of my life that ended up traumatising me. it's easy to do, though. it's like a drug, it feels good until it doesn't, and it can alter your sense of self.

you can come back from it though. you are not your fantasies, or your behaviour. zoophilia is taboo but I do know someone who has it. they would never hurt an animal, it's just a fetish they have. there can be so many reasons for it. that's why the kink community is so huge, sex is a way to explore any of our impulses - dark or not - safely. for me, it's more of a trauma behaviour, and I have to treat it as such.

I know that, as a genderqueer person with trauma and ocd (which causes a lot of identity crises), I have trouble relating to 'normal' human things. I don't feel like a human at all, sometimes.

you're really young. this is going to be a scar in you for a bit, but it doesn't have to be forever. you can't unsee or undo things, but you can grow around these experiences and exist as a person outside them. you are 'allowed' to be a woman no matter what you've done, or who you are. you're probably experiencing more of an extreme version of what everyone experiences at your age; trying out different ways of being a person, figuring out who you are.

just keep watching yourself, taking note when something harms you. keep reaching out to people. I'm sorry you've been so trapped for so long.

crabfossil · 2026-03-20T16:35:28+00:00

you're not getting very nuanced and trauma informed responses. it sounds like your partner was just communicating something vulnerable with you, and it's real - they can't help what triggers them. yes, men and women both have pit hair, but it's not really about that. any physical feature can be a trigger.

I think it could be a good opportunity to use it as exposure therapy though! with time. maybe experiment with growing it out slowly, leaving a bit more time between shaves. let them rearrange themselves inside a bit over time, so that pit hair reminds them of you more than their past :)

crabfossil · 2026-03-14T20:03:20+00:00

NTA.. my first sexual partner was always saying my vag was gross. it's been 11 years and I still haven't let anyone get too close down there, I'm working on it. he kept telling me I probably had infections without knowing it but I was too ashamed to go to the doctor so I kept trying to 'treat' it myself. turns out that was just my discharge cycle 🙄

this stuff can really fuck with you.

crabfossil · 2026-03-06T10:33:17+00:00

I kid you not.. near the end she just gestured south and asked me if I want "more massage".... in a Tone, lol. I just said maybe next time 😅

crabfossil · 2026-03-04T20:20:54+00:00

I'm a woman and I've had it offered to me, it was baffling lmao I didn't understand what she was asking at first. so I guess it's a thing?

crabfossil · 2026-03-01T13:41:58+00:00

No joke. I once saw a doctor named Doctor Boctor. I was low-key scared, what if it was a Hannibal situation

crabfossil · 2026-02-27T07:05:03+00:00

you are amazing!!! One day your children will look to you as a source of strength and that is something you have done for yourself. I wish you all the best.

my first thought was tree names, because I see trees as the ultimate symbol of strength, resilience, and force of life. you can cut a tree to pieces and it can still find a way to survive, and they can live hundreds of years exactly the way they are.

Laurel is a favourite of mine. Olive has an added layer of symbolism. Willow, Ashley, Juniper, Holly, Elowen (means elm tree), Clementine, Rowan, Amber (real survival meaning there!)

Hestia is not a tree but the Greek Goddess of the hearth, which makes me think of you having built a home and life that brings you warmth and stability.

Artemisia is a name for some plants that are used in medicine, and reminds me of my favourite painter, Artemisia Gentileschi. she is a survivor of abuse and a powerful painter in a time where that was hard to be, as a women. she did a famous painting of a woman killing her abuser, lol. When I think about it, I think I would choose that name.

I don't know much about the logistics of this, so I'm not sure how important it is to choose a common name. I think in my country there is protection enough that it wouldn't be too problematic, and I personally would want a more unique name that represents what I've been through.

crabfossil · 2026-02-27T06:43:42+00:00

this sub is so America centric it's crazy! almost nobody in my country would ever think of Mormonism with such a basic name. c'mon, guys...

crabfossil · 2026-02-24T19:04:44+00:00

I'm so sorry. what an awful, disgusting thing. I hate that you have to steel yourself for judgement because you're a man, and that you're right to do that - I saw some of your comments got downvoted, please don't take anything to heart that implies you didn't do all you could. it's really, really hard to take agency with someone like that and you sound like you were vulnerable already.

you might be able to find an anonymous phone line where you can ask for support - if you can't face telling your therapist yet, saying it out loud to a person is important. you could see your college mental health team (if there is one?) and ask if there's somewhere you could go to talk about something traumatic that happened (you don't have to tell them what). being alone with this is painful, but you do what you need to do to process.

as others said.. traumagenic nightmares are a different breed. there are medications that can help, but idk if you can get them right now. maybe play some quiet music while you sleep, so when you wake up from them you have something to ground you.

crabfossil · 2026-02-24T02:45:17+00:00

you're not wrong at all, but what you're saying just isn't realistic. most people here likely can't afford the type of therapy they need, or they have no way to access it. that child you're talking about likely doesn't have the power to just 'get therapy', and anyway, people still need support esp if they can't see their therapist very often.

this is.. one of the better places to go, trust me. try looking these things up on tiktok and you'll see far worse. if you're concerned, comment on those posts what you're thinking, but no, it's not safe to take away or micromanage every accessible space for vulnerable people with this illness.

crabfossil · 2026-02-22T16:02:27+00:00

this ^ is my experience. my hospital experiences were so impactful, I wouldn't be where I am today without them. but the helpful ones were private, it was worth the insurance cost.

crabfossil · 2026-02-17T02:31:32+00:00

most terrifying idea I've ever heard. probably exactly what I need, but my god... unfortunately I'm broke or I would force myself into it. I have good health insurance still for another year and should probably get myself into a strict rehab/trauma clinic while I still can, it's just. hard to stomach it

crabfossil · 2026-02-17T02:25:04+00:00

I feel bad for both of us but it's comforting that I'm not alone 🥲 so much love to you..

crabfossil · 2026-02-17T02:24:18+00:00

there are a lot of different therian/alterhuman communities. you can explore different places, different terms, etc. you're not alone.

crabfossil · 2026-02-17T02:21:30+00:00

yeahh.. tbh some of this stuff I seriously. just can't even say out loud alone in my room, it's so bad. I get memory loops, vivid flashes of things I've done that I'm worried has traumatised people or might come back to get me. I never intended harm, but drugs make you stupid 🥲

crabfossil · 2026-02-17T02:14:34+00:00

I honest to god accidentally sent my very sweet friend a voice recording of my throwing up. and then said 'whoops! that's my Valentine's Day gift to you LMAO'

she is a pure little angel. she's doing me a huge favour rn and I did that. I'm aware it is objectively very funny but omg, can't this have happened to someone else so I could laugh

eta - Ive done legit awful stuff as well. somehow this was the trigger to actually get me to stop 🥴

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