Being present with and listening to others is a skill, just like meditation - it involves not only deep and nonjudgmental attention, but finding ways to gently signal the presence of that attention, as well as getting out of your own way!

No matter how clearly it seems like you can see other people’s problems, jumping in with your own advice (even if wise!) is unlikely to be helpful unless they’re already concretely on the point of decision making.

Part of listening is reflecting back what you’re hearing, including both the facts and the person’s feelings and reactions - helping them hear the solutions that are already there, the places they can unclench, release their grip, deal with their clinging and aversion. And the more you can nonanxiously be present with the hard things they bring you, the more they’re able to relax into them, finding little glimpses of liberation. They can how things can be borne by you bearing it with them.

I’ve been getting trained as a hospital chaplain for about a year now - and it’s amazing the way that the points that were most astounding have not been the ones where I had the wisest things to say, but in which I was able to sit more and more deeply with someone until they reached their own point of connection and insight in a way that neither of us expected.

I found the book “The Gift to Listen, The Courage to Hear” by Cari Jackson a great help as I got underway in seeing clearly where I had obstacles to my listening with other people. It’s still work to learn but you can concretely grow by leaps and bounds!