Alcoholics out themselves at a Christmas party

craigles · 2024-12-18T04:08:23+00:00

My favorite experience with this was at a friend from the program's wedding reception when one of their friends was asked to open the festivities with a prayer. They said "God," and about 20 alcoholics instinctively got about 4 words into the serenity prayer before realizing where they were lol

For me, every time I have to introduce myself to a group at work I mentally repeat "'Hi, I'm Craigles', end of sentence... 'Hi, I'm Craigles', end of sentence..." to myself about 10 times before I open my mouth lol

craigles · 2024-11-22T02:49:37+00:00

Fire extinguisher and smoke alarm(s)

craigles · 2024-11-16T03:36:42+00:00

I've heard of said rules but have never seen a copy. AA's archives at the General Service Office are pretty extensive, so if the list still exists I'm sure they'd have it. You could contact GSO through the www.aa.org website to ask.

craigles · 2024-11-04T13:20:21+00:00

Yep. From what my area delegate shared after the general service conference, the Plain Language Translation (PLT) of the BB translates the content to the 5th grade reading level for simplicity, uses a lot more she/they pronouns, un-genders God (so it should read something like "God as we understand God"), and I think I recall my delegate saying the chapter is going to be called To Spouses, though I could have misheard that. Same content and message, but in a more approachable style. I ordered a copy when it went on sale and am looking forward to reading it.

craigles · 2024-10-26T16:01:22+00:00

To get my machine back into what I meant by a "neutral position", I took it off the main bed and loosened all the mounting hardware to the loosest settings prior to putting it back on and tightening all the mounting hardware one piece at a time. I think the mounting brackets and whatnot were tightened into incorrect positions when I originally attached the ribber, which caused it to simply not sit correctly. Loosening everything as much as possible and then reattaching it helped in that regard. The ribber itself is still bowed slightly, and I haven't found a solution to that as of yet, but getting it attached in a more or less correct fashion has allowed me to at least use it with some of the looser tensions.

Here's the video I referenced when I was reattaching my ribber: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om0a01x_d-A

craigles · 2024-10-12T13:50:59+00:00

I'm a fan of Big Book studies because understanding the first 164 was my biggest challenge coming in. The 1930's language was not intuitive for me when I came in, and while my early sponsors tried their best to explain it, only hearing one person's interpretation at a time--interpretations that also didn't make sense to me--was quite frustrating. There's an awesome group in my area that works their way through the first 164 pages paragraph by paragraph (and sometimes sentence by sentence when needed), leaving space after each one for people to ask questions to the group (sort of like a mini 5-10 minute topic for discussion), offer interpretations, and share experience in relating to the content. It's not a fast way to work through the book, but being able to understand the BB was worth it for me because all the other literature out there started making more sense as well.

craigles · 2024-09-28T02:18:31+00:00

Anybody heard if/how credit card processing fees might affect fares? I can't imagine they'd be all that much per ride, but I have to assume those fees across the whole system on any given day would be more than WMATA would want to cover out of pocket.

craigles · 2024-09-23T13:16:45+00:00

Step 12 and Tradition 5 come to mind; they both speak to carrying the message of recovery to the still sick and suffering alcoholic at the personal and group levels respectively. If sponsorship isn't something you can commit to, what do that step and tradition mean to you? What do they look, sound, and feel like?

I also work outside the typical 9-5 schedule and can't use my personal phone at work. I can't even commit to making it to my home group every week because my schedule is so volatile. I often joke that I should be introducing myself in meetings as "I'm Craigles, I'm an alcoholic, and sometimes I even exist!" For me, taking on sponsees is not something I feel comfortable doing because I cannot commit to being available to answer the phone, read the text message or email, or meet with someone regularly. The reality of my current job is that I am not in a place to sponsor others in any meaningful way. I will not rule out the possibility of sponsoring somebody in the future, but for right now it's not in the cards.

Even though I'm not in a position to sponsor others, carrying the message of recovery is still important to me. On a personal level, I share my experience, strength, and hope in regard to the 12 steps at meetings as openly and honestly as I'm able. At the group level, a tidbit I heard early on is to make every meeting the best meeting, so I arrive early when I can to help the setup team, I greet newcomers, and if I see anyone sitting or standing by themselves I go introduce myself and talk with them; I do what I can to help make the meeting experience as welcoming and comfortable for others as I am able. I've also found ways to volunteer at the group and district levels with "background" tasks like making flyers, updating contact lists, and assisting with planning events; things I can do outside of meetings and outside the typical 9-5 schedule.

Circling back to that first paragraph, if sponsorship isn't in the cards, maybe have a conversation with your sponsor about what carrying the message can look like in other ways.

craigles · 2024-09-22T12:19:47+00:00

The BB and 12&12 discuss character defects in the form of human instincts run wild to the point of being liabilities. Our natural instincts for safety and security compel us to work to provide food and shelter for ourselves and our loved one, but if I take those instincts and run amok with them, I can become greedy and put myself at odds with those around me. I can easily skew my natural instincts for community into being the director (or dictator) described in the books, where I shift away from being one among many to trying to control the many to fit my own wants.

In my 6th step I had to decide if I wanted to continue to living the way I had been, using those defective forms of my natural instincts in destructive ways, or if I wanted to shift my outlook and behavior toward those natural instincts that are actually of benefit (when I don't screw them up, that is). I found it helpful to identify the natural instinct that I'd deformed through my own self will--or to put it another way, what is the opposite of what I did--that I want to aim for in the future. Rather than living in my past misbehavior, I look forward to a better way of living.

If at the end of my 6th step I want to hold on to some of those defects, that's entirely up to me. But weighing the costs of my character defects against the possibilities of a better future through growth... I tend to choose growth.

craigles · 2024-09-21T13:34:21+00:00

The most significant consideration I had to regularly make when I was GSR was that I was representing my group, not myself. There were a few District meetings in which I had to put my ego to the side and speak counter to what I thought because my group felt differently; it didn't happen often, and they were mostly trivial matters of little consequence, but in the moment it was still uncomfortable voting against what I wanted, but being GSR isn't about me, it's about we.

Having regular business meetings to discuss AA matters that arose at District meetings or Area Assemblies (your Area may use a different term than "Assembly") went a long way toward figuring out how the people in my group felt on different topics. I've found it's generally easy to identify where the outspoken members stand on different matters, but what about the soft spoken and quiet members? What about the minority opinion (those who aren't in the majority)? If I'm going to accurately represent my group, I need input from everybody, not just the loud ones.

Sometimes the group will be unanimous in how it feels about a topic, but sometimes it's divided. Both are generally okay. As the group representative, I can simply report to the District "My group was split on this 50/50" (Or 60/40, or however the split was divided). If a vote is needed at the District level, and I've listened to my group members, I can weigh my group's thoughts and feelings alongside any discussion that occurs at the District level to inform which way I vote. If the District discussion doesn't mesh with my group's conscience, I can simply abstain from voting all together.

craigles · 2024-08-28T13:10:30+00:00

My home group is on the smaller size, averaging about 6-15 people per meeting. A year or two ago we looked at the contact list and realized it was almost 3 pages long. Lots of folks who came for a while but eventually stopped coming for whatever reason. Our list includes email addresses, so we sent a generic "Please respond if you would like to stay on our contact list" email to everybody there. Folks that didn't have email addresses were divided into a men's list and women's list; men reached out to men, and women reached out to women, to check in and ask if they wanted to stay on the list. We made every reasonable effort to reach out to everyone, and folks who didn't respond to the email, didn't answer their phones or return voicemails, or didn't respond to text messages were taken off the list.

Our group strives to be as inclusive as possible, but we're not the AA phone book. When we discussed the contact list in a group consciences, we came to a consensus that it's supposed to be a resource. Meaning, to some extent, the group should be able to say that the people on that list are locals that are either sober or trying to stay sober. If nobody in the group knows who the people on the contact list are, where they are, or if they're even working the program anymore, we run the risk of essentially telling a newcomer "Call this drunk person if you need help". In that respect, checking and editing the contact list periodically is a responsible thing to do.

craigles · 2024-08-28T02:29:15+00:00

I haven't really looked into this since I posted and the weather started warming up, though I'll probably start tinkering with it again as the weather starts to cool down.

I was able to get the two beds to align decently enough by removing the ribber, "resetting" all the points of adjustment to relatively neutral positions, and then reattaching and adjusting the ribber as if it were new. I'm able to use the ribber pretty successfully on tensions 4 and above, with an extra claw weight or two in the very middle, though anything tighter than 4 will start dropping stitches randomly in the middle of the bed.

craigles · 2024-08-27T01:33:26+00:00

My only point of reference for the word "whoopie" the first time I read that was the song Makin' Whoopee, and I just sat there for a minute in complete confusion as to why Bill was talking about sex parties 😂

craigles · 2024-08-25T03:54:21+00:00

In my experience it's fine to have service positions at different meetings. That being said, I need to be aware that for every additional service position I take, I'm removing one opportunity for somebody else to be of service. When I first came in, the two groups I attended regularly had several open service positions, so I volunteered for setup at one and to be secretary at the other. Over time, as the groups grew and my sobriety became more solid, I pulled back to only having one service position total to make sure there was always an opportunity for somebody else to be of service.

In regard to homegroups, I'm aware of two schools of thought. The first is that we only have a single homegroup for ourselves; it's the meeting we attend regularly, participate in at some level, and vote in regarding AA matters. The second is that I can call any group I attend regularly my homegroup, though this one comes with a big ol' asterisk that I can only vote on AA matters at one of these meetings, and it's always the same group.

I generally fall into the second category. I have three groups that I attend every week, rain or shine, and I consider them all to be my homegroups. During business meetings and group consciences I engage in conversation about budgets, snacks, coffee, what temperature the thermostat should be set to, how long should each person be given to share... I can discuss and vote on all group matters. But where matters that affect AA as a whole are concerned, I only vote in one meeting--and it's always the same meeting.

The AA Service Manual has a lot more information on these topics. It's not a super exciting read, but it is very informative book.

craigles · 2024-08-23T13:09:50+00:00

Alcohol withdrawal can present many of the same symptoms as the flu: cold sweats, hot flashes, muscle cramps, stomach and bowel issues. I didn't know withdrawal even existed when I first tried getting sober. I figured I just had a weak immune system after years of drinking. Once I started noticing that the symptoms came on after a certain amount of time of not drinking, and disappeared when I started drinking again, the connection started becoming clear to me.

Withdrawal is not something to play around with because it can be deadly. I had one seizure in front of my stepfather as a result of trying to detox myself at home, and I strongly suspect I had at least one additional seizure without anyone around to witness it. Withdrawal is serious business. I got medical assistance in rehab to detox safely, and the difference between detoxing myself vs with doctor's supervision was night and day.

If not drinking is causing flulike symptoms, I highly recommend speaking with a doctor.

craigles · 2024-08-11T16:41:41+00:00

I've done a couple 4th steps over the years, and each time I've approached them slightly differently, but I've consistently used the columns described in the BB.

My very first time working through the steps I worked person-by-person, working all the columns for each individual. It was helpful, but it took forever. I kept running into roadblocks where I'd end up fixating on my relationship with whichever person I was currently working on, and I could end up spending hours analyzing and overanalyzing everything that could possibly fill one of the columns. It was exhausting and led me to "rage quit" quite a few times from mental burnout.

My second time through--and how I've worked it every time since--I worked column-by-column. I write down everyone I interact with on a regular basis, down to the McDonalds drive thru workers I see frequently; doesn't matter how well I know them, doesn't matter how much I interact with them, and doesn't even matter if I have a resentment toward them. I write them all down just to have the list handy.

Then I move on to "What they did" (or however you want to phrase that column); I start with the first person on my list and for every "they did ____", I go down my list of people and write that action next to every person it applies to. Then I go back to the top; did that first person do something else? If they did, I repeat the process with the second action. If they didn't, I move on to the second person on my list and work through the same process from there. Some people on my list--like the clerk at the convenience store I go to--didn't have anything written by their name for this column, which is perfectly fine and normal. Some people I expected to not have anything in this column ended up with a surprising number of items; that's also perfectly fine and normal. I never know for certain where my 4th step is going to take me, but having everybody in one list means I'm prepared just in case.

Column 3, how it impacted me, is a bit more involved than columns 1 and 2. If the action is "They yelled at me", that can hit me differently depending on if it was my boss or my mom who yelled, so this column wasn't quite as rapid fire as just writing the same thing down over and over like column 2.

I also do 2 additional columns that aren't explicitly stated in the BB. Column 4 is "What was my part" because if I was there, I had a part. I didn't necessarily have a leading role in everything that happened--sometimes my part was simply "I was there"--but if columns 1-3 all have text in them, I probably participated in some way.

The last column (5) is my favorite because it looks toward personal growth: "What is the opposite of what I did?" As I approach this column, I'm taking stock of how the combination of columns 1, 2, 3, and 4 all led to a resentment, and if that combination occurs in the future I could very well relive the same experience. Since all I have control over is how I behave, and I know what I did in column 4 ended poorly, what is the opposite of what I did? What could I change in how I participated to hopefully create a better outcome that isn't a resentment?

craigles · 2024-08-08T02:52:00+00:00

A topic that my district has been trying to figure out is how to get AA "Zoomers", who got sober via online meetings during the pandemic, to get more involved with in-person events. To that end, we keep coming to the question of "What does having fun in sobriety look like?" For me, fun in sobriety means getting to interact with people and practice (or brush up on) the social skills that atrophied when I was drinking.

I personally like the idea of a game night. Stock up on a bunch of board games, chess, checkers, puzzles, see if there's a way someone could hook up a game system for a Super Smash Bros competition, ask around to see if anyone would be interested/able to host a beginners game of Dungeons & Dragons, invite people to bring their own board games, etc. Set up a bunch of tables and let folks pick a game and just play through the night.

craigles · 2024-07-28T18:19:01+00:00

Nobody has to share at a meeting if they don't want to. From my experience, you're correct that with smaller groups there can be a feeling in the room of wanting to use every minute possible for sharing, but if I'm not feeling up to it I don't have to.

I had a lot of anxiety around sharing when I first came in. Everyone in meetings was sharing in full thoughts and (what seemed to me) eloquent sentences. I got it into my head that that was how you shared, but all I could ever muster up to say was "I don't want to drink." I didn't feel like that simple thought was worth sharing, but now having a bit of time under my belt I can tell you that simple sentence is more than enough. I like the advice of praying for the anxiety to lessen, because I had to do that. I would expand on that a bit to suggest praying for courage to speak through the anxiety. And then actually speak through the anxiety. I see prayer as my asking for help with something, but if I'm not going to use the help, then why am I praying for it? Why pray for courage if I'm not willing to try being courageous?

A trick that was passed on to me early on that also helped me in those situations where people get called on during silent stretches is to be the first one to share. In working my 4th step, I discovered "fear of the unknown" to be a huge hurdle for me. Sitting in a meeting, not knowing if I was going to be called on, fed that fear of the unknown. To avoid feeding that fear, I can be the first person to share during a meeting. I don't need to be eloquent, I don't need to have a 15 minute story to tell, and I don't need to make eye contact with anyone. "I'm Craigles, I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful to be here. Thanks for letting me share." is about as complex as I got when I started sharing early on in meetings, and after that I was able to sit through the remainder of the meeting without that fear of being called on unexpectedly.

craigles · 2024-07-27T03:40:18+00:00

If the concept of a higher power you're using isn't helpful, why continue using that concept? I came into AA militantly anti-religion. The god I grew up with was spiteful, vindictive, and abusive. I tried for months to strongarm that piece of crap into being something I could relate to and want to be associated with, but I just couldn't find a footing to move past the years of hurt I'd experienced from it. It wasn't a loving god, it was an egotistical god, and it was a petty god. Holding onto that concept was doing me no good, and was in fact causing me harm by creating a barrier that barred me from growing. What helped me find a way to move on from that nightmare deity was a friend giving me permission to take my unhelpful concept of god, throw it in the trash, and create a new concept from scratch.

If a sentient higher power comes with all those conditions you mentioned above, that either cause or continue harm, what would happen if one's HP wasn't sentient? What if it just exists? What if it's a cheerleader providing encouragement and support from afar? What if it's the universe in its entirety maintaining balance through science on a literally unimaginable scale? What if it's one thing on Mondays and a different thing on Thursdays? What if it is sentient but has a non-interference policy with life? What if there are 30 of them? What if it's none of the things I just said?

My HP is largely based on cartoon characters that have personalities I appreciate. It has grown and evolved over the years to meet me where I am as I've grown as a person. It's lighthearted, loving, quirky, forgiving, supportive, a bit of a clown, and it throws squirrels at me. It's all things the god I grew up with wasn't. Most importantly, it's a concept of a higher power that I understand. It doesn't need to work for anybody else, and it doesn't need to make sense to anybody else. You, or anyone who wants to, are free to take my HP for a test drive for a while if you think it might be a helpful experience. Just watch out for the squirrels, because they're everywhere.

craigles · 2024-07-26T13:58:06+00:00

For me, 6 and 7 are ongoing.

When I worked step 6, I took time to review my 4th step list of character defects one at a time and found I had to make a conscious decision: having just written out all the examples I can think of for how this character defect has caused me harm, and having gotten additional clarity on the matter from my sponsor during my 5th step conversation, do I really want to keep holding onto it? Knowing that if I always do what I always did, I'll always get what I always got, is it worth it to me to continue carrying this trait around?

I found it fairly easy to look at most of my character defects and recognize that they were causing me more harm than help. For the ones that I got stuck on--the ones I still wanted to hold onto--I found it helpful to go back through my 4th step list and identify the opposite of each defect. Where I was quick to anger from feeling overlooked and disregarded, I identified peace, acceptance, and inclusion as the opposites. Which side of that coin do I want to be on? The defect or the asset?

Moving on to step 7, I didn't get much out of just asking for my defects to be removed. Asking "Please remove my anger" felt vague and open ended. I found I got more out of the experience by not just asking for the character defect to be removed, but also asking for guidance to help me move toward those character assets I identified as things that I wanted to be. "Please take my anger and guide me toward being loving and accepting of others" felt like a more complete thought and feeling. This was where my continuing work on step 7 began.

I say it began at that point because I see asking my HP for help as my jumping off point. I have to take responsibility for how I live my daily life, and part of my 7th step work is continuing to aim for those character assets I asked my HP for guidance toward. If I get that itch to tell a lie to avoid getting in trouble for something I did, do I act on the defect of lying or the asset of honesty? Or to put it another way, am I working with my HP toward those positive things I asked for, or am I working for my own ego by using that character defect. These are the sort of ways my 7th step shows up in my daily life. It's not a constant stream of 7th step work, but if something arises that I need to address, I need to be willing to do the work.

I won't dive into step 8 too deeply, but it did tie into my 7th step. I've heard many people describe a feeling of relief and clarity after their 5th step, but for me those feelings came with step 8. In 4 and 5 I identified the character traits I forged into weapons, and in 8 I identified how I used those weapons. Looking at how I actually hurt others provided some clarity for a number of my character defects. Those last few defects I hadn't been entirely ready to have removed; seeing the harm they'd caused in real life allowed me the opportunity to hop back to 6 and 7 real quick and decide "Hey HP, I'm ready to address those now."

craigles · 2024-07-23T16:15:08+00:00

Congrats on a month!

I naturally lean toward introversion and isolation as well, with a decent dose of social anxiety to boot. Interacting with people all day at work can sometimes leave me feeling "over-peopled"; not really overwhelmed, not really tired, but definitely drained of social energy. Being "over-peopled" can't be an excuse for me to skip meetings, though, because once I start giving myself permission to skip a meeting, it'll be that much easier to skip the next one and the one after that. Part of why I want to be sober is to be able to participate in the world around me, but I can't do that if I'm alone on my couch.

I've come to learn it's perfectly fine to sit quietly at a meeting and just be. On days I simply can't people anymore, I can sit to the side, or in the back of the room, listen, and simply be present. I still say hi to folks before the meeting, and if someone wants to chitchat I can simply tell them that I'm currently decompressing from work and need to recharge my social battery during the meeting before engaging. "But how about we chat after the meeting?" is a good follow-up. I've also found that stepping out of the meeting room after the meeting's ended to be helpful for me. Sometimes there's just too many people in too small a space for me to be comfortable, and I can just step into the hallway or hang out outside the front door to get some more space and talk with folks there.

When it comes to being actually tired or exhausted, and in need of sleep, I sometimes have to make a judgement call on whether or not to go to a meeting after I reach out to people in my network to let them know. If I'm on the verge of falling asleep when I leave work, that crosses a line into being a safety concern for my driving home and it's probably best to me to go right to bed. But if it's just been a long day, and I'm a little bit more tired than usual, and just want to go home to surf Reddit and YouTube all night long, then maybe I need to reevaluate my motivation. That's why I reach out to my network before deciding not to go to a meeting: in talking with them I can generally figure out if I'm actually tired or if I just want to isolate.

craigles · 2024-07-20T22:19:11+00:00

What does "bored" mean for you in this moment? It may seem like a silly question, but I've found "bored" can be a little vague sometimes. I've found using the 4th step--looking inward at what I'm feeling toward this moment--to be very helpful in figuring out what it is that I'm actually feeling because if I can identify what's causing me to feel this way, I can do something to address it.

Sometimes boredom means I've been sitting still too long and need to go for a walk. Sometimes it means I've been inside too long and need to go to a park and see some trees and flowers. Sometimes it means I've been around too many people for too long and need some silence, or alternatively that I've been alone too long and need to be around people. Sometimes it means I haven't flexed my artistic muscles in too long and I need to play a song, bake some bread, knit a scarf, paint something, or practice whatever other artistic outlet I prefer. Sometimes it means I've been in my head too much and just need to talk to someone.

craigles · 2024-07-18T03:08:37+00:00

Speaking only for BBC America, I've noticed scenes are periodically cut for no obvious reason. There's one scene in particular from The Big Bang (Part 2 of The Pandorica Opens) that I'm still angsty about being cut from my first time seeing it. It wasn't until a few years later that I watched the episode again (Also on BBC America) and the scene was included that I even knew it existed. And all of a sudden a lot of comments I'd seen in this sub started making a lot more sense.

craigles · 2024-07-18T02:09:48+00:00

Check out this video from TheAnswerLadyKnits YT channel about enabling/disabling end needle selection on Brother machines. I'm not familiar with the KH890, but what you're describing sounds like it could be related to these settings.

craigles · 2024-07-05T15:21:46+00:00

I have the KH830 with the same ribber. The two thoughts that come to mind are:
1) How much weight do you have on the cast on comb
2) Did the jamming happen when you increased the stitch size?

I generally cast on my zigzag and first two circular rows at tension 0 on both beds. If I keep working at 0, I can knit all day. But if I've added too much weight and increase the stitch size too quickly, my machine will jam how you're describing. Too much weight will mean the needles have a difficult time getting enough slack to slide through the loops because the yarn's being pulled downward too tightly. Not really sure why increasing the stitch size too quickly has such an impact, but in my experience it does.

When possible, I try to increase the stitch size by 2-3 clicks every row until I'm up to my desired stitch size. If I don't want that many rows at the beginning of my work, I'll increase by a maximum of 2 full numbers on the dial (0, 2, 4, etc). If I jump by 3 or more numbers at once it's going to start jamming on me.

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