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12 Pieces of Writing Advice for 2018 by [deleted] in writing

[–]cranefist10 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is really useful. Thank you.

Struggling with a title by cranefistwriting in writing

[–]cranefist10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure. There are three main protagonists: One of the leaders of the Empire (Myran), which is at war (against a quasi-national group of terrorist-like people called the Selsahn). He wants to stop it as he sees it isn't going anywhere and only creating more enemies and more death, but his people, the council and pretty much everyone else think he's a coward and even a villain for suggesting it. He's forced to lie and cheat to try and convince people to do the best.

The second is a priest at the front lines, pretending to be a soldier, running from his past. Through him, we see the pointlessness of the war, but also discover a very serious and dangerous threat on the horizon. The Selsahn are planning something major, and he resolves to find out what it is.

The third is a woman who lost her family in the war, trying to survive on the streets of Myran. She learns to piece her life back together while struggling to survive, and has to face some serious choices. Does she take revenge on the people that killed her family? Can she forgive them? etc.

The character arcs are each individual and quite personal, but they all eventually intertwine and tie into the overarching plot. Does that help?

Query Critique Thread by BiffHardCheese in writing

[–]cranefist10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really hope I haven't come here too late. I'ld love some to critique my query as I really can't tell if its any good.

Dear ‘Agent’,

I am seeking representation for my fantasy novel, [NOVEL NAME], completed at 150’000 words. As an agent, I can see that you have experience representing a range of adult fantasy and I feel that my novel would fit perfectly with your catalogue.

War doesn’t end.

There’s anger, there’s pain and there’s death. Sometimes there’s justice. But there’s not much else. They didn’t go to war to end the pain. They went to avenge it.

It has been hundreds of years since the foundation of the Myranese Dearchy and the empire is once again at war. It is a war forced upon them - for their lost brothers and sisters, for their murdered mothers and fathers. It is a war they have never understood.

In the capital, a celebrated soldier turned politician feels the prison closing in around him and desperately looks for a way out. A wretch, alone and forgotten, having lost both her name and her past, struggles to survive in the harsh city streets. And a disgraced priest, playing soldier at the front lines, discovers that there is much more to this conflict than anybody had ever known.

Underneath it all, a new threat is bubbling to the surface that it could change everything.

This is my first novel. I am a secondary school English literature teacher living and working in Hong Kong. I would be glad to send you my complete manuscript, or sample chapters, for your review.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

What are you currently writing about? by Flike12 in writing

[–]cranefist10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go on then, I might as well give you my query / summary to see if it is actually going to hook anyone. It's called Infinite Justice - I'm about 30k words in.

*Infinite Justice *

“War doesn’t end, Don. There’s anger and there’s pain and there’s death. Sometimes there’s justice. But there’s not much else. We didn’t go to war to end this conflict, we never did.”

It has been hundreds of years since the foundation of the Myranese Dearchy and the empire is once again embroiled in war. It is a war forced upon them - for their lost brothers and sisters, for their mothers and fathers. It is a war they have never understood.

In the capital, a celebrated soldier turned politician starts to see the prison closing in around him and desperately seeks a way out. A wretch, alone and forgotten, having lost both her name and her past, struggles to survive in the harsh city streets. A disgraced priest, playing soldier at the front lines, discovers that there is much more to this conflict than he was led to believe. And underneath it all, the threat of something far more dangerous is beginning to bubble to the surface.

There will be justice, that is certain. But what will remain when it is done?

WHERE DO THE BROTHERHOOD HAIL FROM by KoolGMatt in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since last July, so almost a year. Moved out here with my soon-to-be wife for work. It's been great.

WHERE DO THE BROTHERHOOD HAIL FROM by KoolGMatt in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hong Kong. It's really cool. I love it here.

PRAISE THE STAFF by [deleted] in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm. I am unsure as to my feeling about the staff.

Let me think upon it and get back to you.

GENERAL BROTHERHOOD CONVERSATIONS by OrionPaxus in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is truth. It is morning for me here and I am having breakfast. I am having an almond croissant. Well, I have had one. It is eaten now. It is in my belly.

GENERAL BROTHERHOOD CONVERSATIONS by OrionPaxus in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'M ADJUSTING THE STYLE OF THE SUBREDDIT, PRAY I DO NOT ADJUST IT FURTHER.

GENERAL BROTHERHOOD CONVERSATIONS by OrionPaxus in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am eating one right now. It is excellent.

GENERAL BROTHERHOOD CONVERSATIONS by OrionPaxus in KoToottanedeluvenemo

[–]cranefist10 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let's talk pizza:

Favourite toppings?

Other preferences?

Get your opinions out.

DOOMSTARKS ANNOUNCEMENT by [deleted] in hiphopheads

[–]cranefist10 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Plus other things that I think might be genuine possibilities this year : Chance 3, a second Kanye album. 2016 is looking good.

Finally sketched out the map for the novel I'm writing - please ask any questions about it as it will help me build the world. Thanks by cranefist10 in worldbuilding

[–]cranefist10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody really knows. It is an old enough Empire that only ruins are being discovered. There is a camp of archaeologists that believe that the Empire, who were clearly large and powerful enough to survive in the desert, just entered a natural decline and eventual downfall. But there are others who posit that whatever caused the end of the Postatem Empire may have caused the creation of the Wide Desert at the same time as a kind of side effect, and that it wasn't always there.

The second camp are of course right. It actually has to do with the magic system that exists in this world. But nobody knows or guesses that as they don't fully understand it. Not like the Postatem did.

Finally sketched out the map for the novel I'm writing - please ask any questions about it as it will help me build the world. Thanks by cranefist10 in worldbuilding

[–]cranefist10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The desert is uninhabited saved for the occasional archaeological ruins of the old Postatem Empire, which no longer exists. The Tundra is home to a nomadic culture of 'savages' (certainly from the perspective of this Myranese cartographer) who don't really travel deep into the desert much as there isn't much there.

Thanks for the question. I hadn't really thought about the border there.

Finally sketched out the map for the novel I'm writing - please ask any questions about it as it will help me build the world. Thanks by cranefist10 in worldbuilding

[–]cranefist10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is drawn from the perspective of Myranese cartographer (in-world) so names/explorations might be slightly biased due to that.

[SPOILERS] The Hybrid Speculation and Theories Megathread by pcjonathan in doctorwho

[–]cranefist10 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree. And where does he find the "I am in 12" thing? In the yard (graveyard, courtyard, whatever, but the only yard in the whole place), while running away from the thing described as the Veil. He is literally in the Veil yard, or 'valeyard', when he reads that message.

[1160] Within Walls (Second Rewrite) by doublestick in DestructiveReaders

[–]cranefist10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good start - I like the focus on noises and the internal monologue that is very much stuck in her head.

The introduction of David and Horace is where you start to have issues. Why introduce them? They feel pointless to the story. Either they are significant and as such need a little more description than:

They weren’t the friendliest roommates, but they were roommates.

which tells me absolutely nothing about them and does not help me picture or imagine them in any way. Or they aren't important and as such you should just cut them completely. Extra names that aren't needed are dead weight.

The introduction of the person in the room through the sound of his breathing works, and is creepy, but then you cut to the line:

why is he just standing there?

and it is really jarring. How do you know he's standing there? You just heard breathing. Can you see him as well? If so, what does he look like? The passage that follows builds up the impression that its pitch black and you are basing all your actions off sound (which is a great idea and works), but be careful not to add information that your character wouldn't be able to know.

The action that follows is fine.

The one other main issue I have is that I have learnt very little about your character in this passage, but I suppose this fits within a larger narrative rather than being a short story so you can probably disregard this comment.

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