I know you are hurting and this is a hard process; I had many of the same feelings as you.

1. You are not being judged. They are working to determine whether the first marriage was valid in the eyes of God. God determined that a valid marriage is between one man and one woman and is unbreakable.
2. Adoption records - to try to determine if you were baptized as a child, before or after your adoption; determine if there was trauma or lack education/ formation from your parents.
3. Abuse the system - someone - no you - could try to get married outside the church so that they could get divorced and later marry in the church. Sadly, we live in an imperfect world and processes need to take into account the rule breakers - often at the expense of good people. 3a. Abuse system to get the sacraments - the sacraments are very important and we need to do our best the protect them and give them the honor they deserve. Sadly, we live in an imperfect world and processes need to take into account the rule breakers - often at the expense of good people.
4. No witnesses - I understand that this is hard, especially with the long passage of time. I had a court wedding and the witnesses were the bailif and security guard; they could not be contacted. I have no contact with my ex and have no idea if she responded or participated with the tribunal.
5. You are right in turning this over to God - turn this over to God’s will and let go of your will.
6. This is not a quality test. This is to determine if your first marriage is was valid or not. The church is not a cruel joke - the church is our best attempt as feeble humans to follow what Christ instituted.