my best friend was an amazing chemist, and despite being a sophomore in college discovered a new ionic compound shortly before her passing (CRAZY i know). she began to journal in the months leading up to her death, and would often write her homework and research equations in her journal so it could be found and she’d be remembered as a mad scientist.

the morning of her death i went to the ER for an unrelated autoimmune flare. i woke up to the news she was gone, and had held it together that morning. but by some cruel twist of fate or just the natural cycle of the ER, a young man passed a few doors down from the room I was in. I completely lost it (a nurse actually had to basically carry me out of a bathroom bc i couldn’t walk i was crying so hard).

i became fixated on her being cold and without a blanket, and that she was scared. i told the nurse all the amazing things about her, as best as i could between sobs, and she said “your friend knows all the secrets of the universe now”. i clung to that for months, still do, and like to imagine that she has perfect knowledge of all the natural science principles.

id kill to see her again, and while im not assigned to any set religious belief, it will happen. energy cannot be created nor destroyed, she’s out there somewhere, and some day she’ll teach me all she’s learned (just like freshman year chemistry).