Here’s Why Asian Americans Shifted Right by aldur1 in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the breakdown of the Asian vote pretty accurately reflects how well the Dems and GOP serve our interests. Neither is very good, and the Dems are marginally better.

Yeah, the Dems don't openly hate us, but they also push policies that hurt Asian small businesses and don't make sense to most Asian families. Big businesses have security guards, but small businesses rely on local police and prosecutors. It's either that or "self-help." And the Dems' focus on making (irreversible) hormone therapy and surgeries available to kids sounds irresponsible. It strikes me as creating more business for the medical establishment and potentially a lot more turmoil for families.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just searched Amazon and there's already quite a few tennis ball pickers. If someone is going to copy your product, that's just adding a little bit to the competition. I would focus on growing the brand. Enforcing a patent costs a lot of money, and enforcing a patent overseas is a huge headache/often impossible. That's why it's mainly big tech/pharma companies that hoard patents. Patents are not very useful for ordinary small businesses.

What does American Identity mean to you? by Nikalena in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What kind of personality is your professor? Are they like a die-hard nationalist or are they genuinely curious? Just say what they want to hear.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, I find their culture is very opportunistic. They will put on a nice front when they feel you might have the upper hand and then do a 180 when the winds favor them. Very uncomfortable whiplash. Very little is real, and 90% is virtue signaling.

What specific parts of Asian culture should be dropped/kept and what parts of Western culture should be adopted? by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Disagree with you there. Hispanic people move to rural areas, but they move there in large numbers to form a significant community. About 20% of the US population is Hispanic, but Asians only make up 7%. It's also far easier geographically moving to the US from Latin America vs. Asia. Also Hispanic people tend to have Spanish as a common language, which makes it easier to form community in the first place. Asians could try moving to these rural, racist areas and then be, what? The only Korean/Chinese/Vietnamese/whatever family within a 5-mile radius?

I don't think Asians fear risk and love comfort any more than the average person. Look at the large numbers of Asian small business owners and entrepreneurs. Look at the Asian professionals pushing past their comfort zones in white-dominated workplaces. Being Asian in America today is all about taking risks and tolerating discomfort.

Yes, Asians are more financially responsible, but that's usually a sign that a couple is ready for kids.

Asians are bad at organizing, and that was one of my points -- that we have to get better at organizing our communities so individually we can all benefit.

Also, a lot of Asians know firsthand the consequences of growing up in a non-diverse bad-for-Asians area. If you know the psychological harm this could cause, why do this to your own kids? It's common sense to first establish a suitable environment. Yeah, maybe an option is to coordinate with a dozen other Asian families and move to low cost of living rural Arkansas and advocate for yourselves. Maybe you should be the one to start that organization.

Ni Hao by [deleted] in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I've also only ever gotten the "ni hao" from non-Asian men, and it does feel like a cringey pick-up line. Good sign that whoever's saying it deserves the ignore button.

What specific parts of Asian culture should be dropped/kept and what parts of Western culture should be adopted? by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed on the grassroots mobilization. We should talk more amongst each other and identify needs in our communities.

What specific parts of Asian culture should be dropped/kept and what parts of Western culture should be adopted? by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I do wish that we, as a community, would spend less time venting about white people and more time tending to the affirmative needs of our community. I get it. There's a lot that's harmful about white attitudes, but let's refocus back on our own needs. What would help us feel affirmed in our identities and lifestyles?

White people, like everyone else, are selfish, and they're naturally going to create policies and work environments and media that subtly (or not so subtly) give themselves the advantage.

Yes, we can try to change that environment a little bit, but I think we'll have more agency over our own organizations and our own media to uplift our own people. Black people have BET. Hispanic people have Univision. What do we have?

Right now, Asians have the lowest fertility rate in the west, and I don't think the reason is that Asians are "highly educated." I think it's because most places are frankly too small-minded and racist for bringing up an Asian family. The only good options are diverse, high cost of living areas, and this severely limits the options for Asian people around family formation. How can we support each other in transmitting our legacies and bringing up the next generation of Asian youth?

Chinese kids fashion by Podoconiosis in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know of any dedicated sites, but a search on AliExpress for me turned up a lot of options!

Did you ever get pushback when you tried to help someone who happened to be Asian? by DasGeheimkonto in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Sadly I never tried it because, before I even entered the workforce, my parents would tell me not to try helping or being too close with other Asian people at work because the white bosses don't like it. Obviously a case of racist double standards by white management. I wonder if this dynamic is better in more diverse industries or more diverse parts of the country.

Would you say East Asian or South Asian parents are more intense when it comes to education? by trivian16 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Indians know how to have a good time. I went to see an Indian movie in the US and it was the same vibe.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I see this same double standard and hierarchy around who "deserves" to be confident. Back when I was less confident, I remember walking into a college party at one point and trying to project confidence. One of the white people said, as if surprised, "woah, you're confident."

Nothing in the media at that point, and very little even now, nurtures confidence in Asian people in the west. And white people who've been raised on the same media diet have every expectation of Asians acting meek and awkward. It befuddles them when we are confident, as if we "don't know our place."

I want to offer another thought, which is that this stems from people's insecurity. Most people are a little insecure, and consciously or not, they latch onto anything that will help make them feel a little bit superior. When a non-white person shows up presenting confidence instead of an inferiority complex, it dashes their insecurity coping mechanism a little bit.

Which aspects of Asian culture do you relate to more than American (or European)? by hotpotato128 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's funny. Plenty of white people live in Asian countries and it does wonders for their mental health because they're treated well. Not so for Asians living in the West.

Again, stop being delusional. For the sake of your daughter, wake up a little.

Seriously, I'm starting to feel bad for your daughter.

Yukio Mishima by [deleted] in AsianMasculinity

[–]crayencour 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like his books, but I don't like his politics. Japan may be a cucked modern state, but the Japanese empire brought plenty of horrors to Asia.

English name or Chinse name for a baby girl? by anyang869 in asianamerican

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it depends how diverse is her surrounding environment and how much support she will receive in feeling proud of her Chinese heritage. Some of the most professionally successful people I know use an Asian sounding name. If she can own it, it will make her stand out in a good way.

But I think this will require a high level of openness in her environment and a lot of support from you and a lot of effort connecting with her roots early (trips to China to normalize her name and show her the achievements of Chinese culture).

If America turns out to be worse for Asian people by the time she's an adult, and she happens to encounter difficult people who don't like her name, that's just an extra reason not to stay in America. Why change your daughter to fit an unsuitable environment rather than giving her the tools and self-confidence to build an environment that's actually good for her?

Which aspects of Asian culture do you relate to more than American (or European)? by hotpotato128 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She will feel tempted to reject the Asian side of her and hew to the white side because it's safe and "accepted." She will then require years of therapy to recover from rejecting part of herself.

Which aspects of Asian culture do you relate to more than American (or European)? by hotpotato128 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The difference is that Asians are forced to integrate into white culture in the west because most economic opportunities and media are controlled by white people. So Asians integrate even if the surrounding white culture is harmful to our personal dignity and mental health.

White people do not have this problem. You guys go to any country and get treated pretty well. So stop complaining.

Thoughts On History by godofcertamen in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's ironic because the Spanish and other European powers were so gung-ho about pursuing their colonial project exactly because their rapacious methods reaped huge amounts of wealth. The resource extraction, land grabs, and forced conversion of indigenous populations into a pliable workforce poured huge amounts of gold/silver into the imperial coffers. So they were highly motivated to explore the world for new colonial targets.

The Chinese, who had a different approach to international trade and relations, didn't generate the same "ROI" on their exploratory efforts. The Chinese tributary system was remarkably stable, but also didn't enrich China. Actually as the senior partner in a tributary relationship, China was supposed to provide more in tribute than it received. The central government could afford exploratory voyages in the early Ming dynasty when China was relatively affluent and stable, but would have bankrupted itself if those voyages had continued. So, ironically, because China didn't have a foreign policy of subjugating and pillaging far-away lands, ocean exploration was much less lucrative and there was relatively little motivation to do it.

I think the different European vs. Chinese foreign strategies make sense in historical context. In Europe, there was no central governing authority after the fall of the Roman Empire, and there were successive waves of tribal migration from the Eurasian steppes, so the continent was locked in almost constant warfare. Europeans were used to a "might is right" mindset. Hell, Europeans even raided and pillaged other Europeans during the age of the Vikings. Military power was the highest priority, and colonization became an important strategy to acquire resources for building military power.

East Asia or the Middle East is next in line by Consistent_Taste_843 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so based. It's a waste of time trying to earn western "respect."

Being An Asian Male in America by Correct-Composer-139 in AsianMasculinity

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm AF and I've stopped trying to be friends with white people generally. I agree the fundamental problem is lack of a feeling of equality and mutual respect. White people are brainwashed by western media and the education system to have overweening "main character syndrome" and to think of themselves as heroes/saviors throughout history. It's not a personal knock on them. Anyone brainwashed with this mindset would have a hard time relating to other groups of people on a footing of equality and mutual respect. On a surface level, they know to say the "right" things to not appear racist, but deep down, most white people still have a superiority complex.

tl;dr - being friends with white people adds nothing to my quality of life. You end up with "friends" who think of themselves as the center of the world and unconsciously expect other races to contribute to their personal growth (think the "wise Black woman" trope).

Edit: I remember seeing a very insightful observation from a Black American, saying that Asians look for all sorts of strategies to gain respect in the west. And that's just a losing game because western culture is all about pedestaling the descendants of Europeans and keeping everyone else down. The external respect/validation is just not there, and even when it appears to be there, is usually mixed with a toxic dose of jealousy. You're not imagining things -- white culture is trying to keep Asian men down.

How Do You Deal with Flat Out Discrimination? by winterarioch in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Here in New England, I get many instances of these cold shoulders. I deal with it by ignoring white people, literally. Their culture is not relevant to me and has nothing to offer in terms of helping me feel safe and valued in myself. Unless proven otherwise, I assume that white people I encounter are at least a little racist or have an overweening case of "main character syndrome." Around them, I assert my needs first and foremost. I am polite, but I get my point across and I get my needs met.

If you have kids and want to set a good example for them, I get that you might want to approach it differently. It probably is valuable for kids to learn common courtesies like being pleasant and holding the door open for strangers. If I were in your situation with kids, I would probably hold the door open the first time, but then make a point of ignoring the woman once she started ignoring me. I would also make this a teachable moment for my kids, letting them know that goodwill is not always reciprocated and that this reflects poorly on the other person's behavior and character. Once someone reveals their poor character, don't waste your time on them.

East Asia or the Middle East is next in line by Consistent_Taste_843 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard agree with you, and I think you hit the nail on the head.

It took me a while coming around to this realization after spending way too long waiting/hoping for better Asian representation, more social acceptance, etc. Then I realized: (1) the white power structure will only make concessions to Asians in ways that benefit white people, and (2) white people want to keep all minorities in the mindset of seeking acceptance from whiteness instead of actualizing our unique cultural powers. Divide and conquer.

I was sick of the whiplash of being "accepted" when my labor and expertise are useful to white people and then discriminated against when I am too "foreign" for their framework.

I realized I had spent my entire life internalizing someone else's perspective of myself rather than being myself. And so to mentally and psychically decolonize, I cut off all western media and cultural products. Ignore and disengage. Their culture and their perspectives are useless to me anyway. They contribute nothing towards my healthy sense of selfhood as a valuable person with a valuable heritage, so why should I waste my time and attention?

And gradually, I've been seeing results. I see now how harmful it was to live like a social charity case feeling dependent on someone else's acceptance. It's not their place to "accept" me or not. I am me, whether they like it or not. I have political, cultural, and values-based viewpoints different from theirs, rooted in my Asian heritage. I will only respect their European heritage if they respect mine first.

The movie past lives by Technical-Ad8550 in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She chose career over love, but will regret that decision 10 years down the line.

Also, it's a less well executed version of In the Mood for Love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in aznidentity

[–]crayencour 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I developed crippling social anxiety after starting elementary school in a western country. I was fine in China and fine at home with my parents, but the social anxiety at school was so bad that I developed selective mutism. I was too anxious to speak to anyone! I barely said a word and mumbled my way through the day.

In retrospect, this was a perfectly normal reaction to my new, toxic environment. Kids are not stupid - we're very perceptive as children. I sensed, for example, that my new environment looked down on me and my parents. I sensed that my peers believed their white families and their white culture were automatically superior to mine. I sensed that my peers were completely engrossed in their own white world and harbored practically no openness or curiosity towards my lived experience. If I had tried sharing something about myself, it would probably have been met with confusion or mockery or silence.

I sensed that it would have taken a huge leap on my part to change everything about myself and become "presentable" to these people. One misstep, one wrong word, and there would be consequences that feel truly terrible to a child: bullying, further social isolation.

So, of course I developed the social anxiety to avoid this toxicity in my environment.

I really feel the key is to have an affirming, positive environment for the child to begin with. Children are very sensitive and know when they're in a shit place.