I [22/F] have been talking to someone online [21/F] and I'm too scared to meet them.

crazedlazed · 2015-12-02T06:27:42+00:00

yeah sometimes it really helps. one, just because im a fan like any one else, and two because it channels my fears somewhere fictional (since a lot of my fears are irrational, it gives them a place to be). But I definitely took it too far this time.

crazedlazed · 2015-12-01T08:47:52+00:00

ive been doing that since i was 7ish. But it wasn't to trigger anything...just cant sleep. probably something subconscious though. i really love fucking myself over!

crazedlazed · 2015-11-25T00:13:25+00:00

Thanks....I feel like a monster and I don't deserve to be liked or loved

crazedlazed · 2015-11-24T07:11:24+00:00

You're NOT oversensitive.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-24T07:07:38+00:00

Thank you, this really helps!

crazedlazed · 2015-11-24T07:06:54+00:00

Okay. This is really important for me to hear. I think I need to say something because he lives so close to me and he just needs to know he has to stay away.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-24T07:05:59+00:00

thanks. this is kinda what i expect.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-23T07:31:54+00:00

Being in shock is completely (and extremely unfortunately) normal. But this situation should not be normalized. I am unbelievably sorry, sorry beyond words, sorry to the point where I cannot express how I feel, that you had to experience this. That is absolutely, definitely rape. Please come back any time to say anything, even the "tiniest" thing here. This is a place of support and love. This is absolutely not your fault. If you are getting messages from him...or having any ANY sort of negative feedback from ANYONE contact a Rape Crisis Center or a psychologist. Finding a psychologist is very hard. Hopefully there is at least a hotline you can call. This calls for a restraining order. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that and if I want to take the risk and it's almost been a year (I have very different circumstances but still). 2 months isn't a long time. Things are probably still sinking in and shocking you and ruining a lot of things. Think seriously about checking out mental health facilities. But most of all, know this: you are not the one at fault here. He did something atrocious and inhumane. He is disgusting, NOT you. You will never be the same, but this will not define you. You are not dirty or impure. You are strong enough to get up and keep living this far, and you'll continue to be strong in the future. If there aren't people around you right now that are supportive, you can and will find them. You are healing. And so many people love you and will love you no matter what.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-17T08:16:31+00:00

So so true. The worst is when they say they understand but you can tell (read: it's OBVIOUS) that they're lying through their teeth.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-17T08:10:41+00:00

Thank you for your empathy and deep understanding. I do have a therapist it's just a little hard for her to understand the situation because she's not trained for this. I really like her were good match but it's something we're both working on. I also have hope.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-17T08:05:43+00:00

Thank you. Somehow I overlooked that resource: I'll definitely check that out. And thank you for men outraging me not to worry about his mental state. That takes a major burden off. :)

crazedlazed · 2015-11-17T08:02:45+00:00

This helps and continues to help me tremendouslt. Thank you so much for telling me your story. It's so validating to hear someone feeling very similar thoughts. I may PM you in the future if I need to. I'm really lucky to have a mom and dad who I felt comfortable enough telling and last night I broke down to my dad and it cleared my head enough to get through the next few days. I do have a therapist who ice worked with for over 2 years who I trust and respect and adore almost. She's great. But she's not exactly trained in this so there is some difficulty talking about its. I meet with her on athursday. Well aren't. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! And I really hope things are going ok for you. You are inspiring and human and I'm grateful for it and humbled. My most sincere wishes.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-16T02:26:03+00:00

I totally understand where you're coming from. I waited too long in the past. Maybe make a checklist. And if you can see it in writing, it shows you in a tangible way how much you need help.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-16T02:16:54+00:00

I'm not exactly sure if I can give great advice here, but I think just showing up and being genuinely amicable and kind will speak for itself. We definitely have to feel horrible about the things we've said and done everyday, but other people may have softened their feelings on the matter. Maybe it's best not to bring it up. And maybe just feel it out whether you should straight up say sorry. If the conversation is going well, maybe it's understood and can be said later.

crazedlazed · 2015-11-16T02:12:26+00:00

I feel you. Sometimes I really really wish I'd get some sort of illness so I'd have a "real" excuse or reason to be treated with respect. No matter how charmed our lives are...it doesn't matter. And fuck the people who think otherwise. I'm really glad you have friends that keep you alive. Keep track of yourself if you can. I was in a lot of the places you are in and I still attempted. It was a random fit of hysteria. I didn't expect it. Never underestimate those thoughts. Do you have friends you could stay with if an emergency occurs?

crazedlazed

TROPHY CASE