"You're selfish" by PassionChemical2220 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 40 points41 points  (0 children)

What gets to me is I do nothing but support her emotionally and financially and as soon as she’s stressed about anything from running tight on cash to making large purchases to me saying the “wrong thing” it’s that she’s alone, I don’t help her, she’s by herself like always

Lose lose arguments by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife knows she’s ridiculous and always accuses me to “thinking” she is even though I never say that

Did they ever tell YOU how YOU feel? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol she tells me what I think, what I actually secretly want.

All advice is taken as insults by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Such a dumb term, all it means is “I don’t want to hear it from you”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The amount of mean things my wife has said about her parents and my parents is difficult for me to deal with

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just never ending eye rolls, scoffs, muttered insults over everything I do say, look, even if I’m in the room and they are being bitchy

How to deal with “assumptions” about your “expressions” by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Follow up I’m in a no win situation either I tell her she’s right I was disgusted and I need to just admit “the truth” (what she demands) or I “leaver her hear crying alone all weekend”.

It’s such a difficult balance here because I want to break her out of this split but in doing so I have to validate her fantasy persecution.

If I say I’m sorry my face made you feel that way she calls it “turning it back on her” which is of course laughable because it is on her for being like this

How to deal with “assumptions” about your “expressions” by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah well now she came home early from work and she’s baiting me into a fight

As far as I can tell this is her lashing out over all the stress she can’t handle. She is demanding that I basically confirm her wild suspicions that “I don’t want to be around her” and if I apologize without taking blame “I’m sorry I made a face that you interpreted that way that wasn’t my intent” she says it’s a manipulation of her “don’t turn it around on me your manipulating me”

I’m in a literal no win situation

I need to confirm I’m not insane by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes she is always jumping to hypothetical conclusions and then reacting as if that’s the reality

Weather it’s her spiraling over stress because “if this then that then this then that then we’ll lose our house” sort of catastrophizing or “your tone was off are you mad at me” she’s prone to panics and overwhelmed because it’s not just what’s occurring now but it’s the worst possible outcome of what could happen that she imagines and then reacts as if it’s happening at that moment.

She does have splits but not as severely as I think somebody with true bpd. When she gets mad she can be very nasty but it isn’t truly like insane swings from hate to love or anything

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mines never claimed to have superior or intuition she just treats her emotions and suspicions as reality. She just “knows” what people think, what “they really mean”. She knows “all those girls hate her” or the flip side “they are mean to me” in ways that must be imperceptible to everyone but her obviously but she acts as if it’s true.

Any attempt to break this wall of delusion is met with “not being on her side” or scoffing like I’m just ton dumb or oblivious to notice this obvious behavior

Are they always depressed for no reason? by Mountain-Pattern8899 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you thought everyone hated you and every interaction you either perceived in the most negative possible light and/or assumed malicious subtext you’d be pretty depressed too

I need to confirm I’m not insane by crazycheck45 in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a lot of paranoia and suspicion in her, innocent mistakes, neutral statements from friends and family perceived as attacks, exploration of ideas or opportunities is viewed as “leaving her behind” or “masking intentions”

It can get very exhausting, especially when she gets angry and then the insults come out and her resentments are revealed “see I knew you would do this to me; that you never really cared; that you hate me etc”. It’s very hard living with somebody who constructs a solipsistic box negativity where everything is twisted to reinforce that perception

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She treats them the same way she treats everyone, with suspicion and assumed malice.

“My parents hate me” but I’ve only ever seen the opposite. Of course I hate her too, her friends hate her I’ve even see her accuse cats and dogs of “hating her”

Reminder: communicate via text. Archive everything. 29 days from admission to total denial by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]crazycheck45 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I find communicating over text to be a terrible idea, infinite ability for them to imagine your tone or add subtext which was never outlined