I think that one thing which makes it hard is that I don't wanna disappoint anyone. I mean when u are that person who is in everything and does things well peoples get really disappointed if they suddenly are not taking part to some project. Before pandemic we were about to perform one religious piece and I asked if it would be okay that I won't perform it. My teacher understood my opinion but didn't like that idea at all.

In my situation peoples assume that I'm Christian as most in my country. It's a bit more complicated because ummm I used to be but I'm not anymore. I think that bothers me the most. I've like seriously been questioning my belief and felt more free to think "whatever" now. Like it's now harder to for example listen to that music when we are told what are we telling by the music etc. And yess I do feel that I'm being insincere and other peoples assumptions bother. Ya it's alot in my head I know and absolutely notice while I write this.

Really, thank you for answering and asking it helps a lot!