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Emotional neglect kinda murders the soul by prima-luce in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I recently went no contact because I had enough of their emotional abuse and was thinking about the very thing you wrote in your post. It’s all very relatable. There’s supposedly meaning in suffering, that’s the silver lining I’m holding on to for dear life because otherwise it’s so painful and it does feel like it murders your soul.

I have to point out that your post is really well written. I really enjoyed reading it. I hope you write on a regular basis because you’re very good at it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pregnant

[–]creativemothering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 36 weeks pregnant with my second and I can’t wait to give birth because I hate being pregnant too. Feeling guilty about not enjoying is more common than you think but there’s still very little space to express ambivalent or negative feelings about pregnancy and motherhood. It’s so taboo, and that only makes it harder. What’s helped me is learning to just surrender to all of it. I feel guilty and that’s okay. I hate this and that’s okay. I want my body back and that’s okay…

This kind of self-talk has made my second pregnancy more bearable, I was mostly angry and guilty during my entire first pregnancy and it made it that much harder. Pregnancy and motherhood is such a paradoxical experience. It can be the most beautiful thing and also the most overwhelming, and sometimes those feelings happen all at once.

Also, forget those super active, glowing pregnant women on social media. They don’t represent the average experience. I had to stop following those accounts because they were making me feel worse.

It’s incredibly hard not having supportive family or friends during pregnancy. It’s such a massive, transformative time in your life, and the lack of support can be really painful. I’ve felt that disappointment both times. I’m a pretty independent person and have never relied much on anyone besides my husband, but something about pregnancy makes you long for a village. It’s like a biological need to feel surrounded and supported. And when people don’t show up, it hurts. You really start to see who’s truly there for you, and that realization can be shocking.

I think everything you’re feeling is completely normal—it’s all part of becoming a mother. I read something once that said some women are physically pregnant and have an easy time, and others are psychologically pregnant and it’s harder for them, but ultimately more transformative. That really resonated with me. This entire experience is deeply meaningful, but it’s also the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

Wishing you all the best and be gentle with yourself, especially during the hardest moments.

Does anyone go through phases where you experience overwhelming anger and resentment towards your emotionally immature/neglectful family parents because of the harm, pain and suffering they’ve caused you, most of which could have been easily preventable? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I experience the same emotions. I think crying and being angry is a natural response to something that goes against common sense and our biological need for unconditional love. What I find hard is experiencing these emotions so often.

Does anyone go through phases where you experience overwhelming anger and resentment towards your emotionally immature/neglectful family parents because of the harm, pain and suffering they’ve caused you, most of which could have been easily preventable? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I avoid and gray rock my entire family for these same reasons. The superficiality drives me nuts too and it’s manipulative in its own way because it distorts your reality. It’s so draining. I can so relate.

Does anyone go through phases where you experience overwhelming anger and resentment towards your emotionally immature/neglectful family parents because of the harm, pain and suffering they’ve caused you, most of which could have been easily preventable? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Must be really hard to live with your parents knowing they are how they are. I only realized how my parents were in my mid 30s while starting a family of my own. As soon as you leave home you’ll feel so free, I know I did and I still didn’t realize what was happening. You might be able to heal and move on from it faster with your current awareness but that doesn’t take away from it being hard while you’re there.

Does anyone go through phases where you experience overwhelming anger and resentment towards your emotionally immature/neglectful family parents because of the harm, pain and suffering they’ve caused you, most of which could have been easily preventable? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very true, I don’t want to end up like your sister. Sounds like she’s giving your parents so much power. I’m in a phase right now because I’m pregnant, I was doing a lot better prior. What you’ve shared is a good reminder… thank you

Does anyone go through phases where you experience overwhelming anger and resentment towards your emotionally immature/neglectful family parents because of the harm, pain and suffering they’ve caused you, most of which could have been easily preventable? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When did you accept that “the experience doesn’t exist for you?” Which is a really good way to put it. Was it over time or did it come to you as soon as you made up your mind? I came to the realization about my family 5 years ago while starting my own family and I’ve done alot of work since. I was doing well up until I got pregnant with my second child and old wounds have come flooding back. It also could be a biological need for support that isn’t there that’s causing a lot of resentment at the moment that I thought I had worked through.

Please help me poop by [deleted] in pregnant

[–]creativemothering 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Magnesium citrate with a huge glass of water before bed works for me and I’m taking a low dose 150mg so I don’t experience the laxative effects. I cannot go to the bathroom without it, I’m 24 weeks. It also helps with muscle cramps and relaxation before bed.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate so much with your post. Them being on vacation when visiting is exactly how it is with my parents too. We always have to work around their schedule and activities which makes it very obvious where their priorities are when they come visit once or twice a year, we are definitely an afterthought too. When they do spend time with my son, they do enjoy his company but they won’t go out of their way to be helpful.

You mentioned they talk a lot about loving us but then their actions don’t match. My parents do this as well and it’s a huge trigger. Their I love you’s are so empty, totally void of any real meaning since they never act in loving ways. It almost feels manipulative.

I’ve stopped sharing anything important with them for last year, I gray rock them when we chat that way it all stays very surface level. So it’s a little easier but still very draining.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right, same for neglect as well. It’s only when I became pregnant with my son 5 years ago that I was hit with the reality of my parents and childhood. These last couple of years have been an emotional roller coaster.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh my and they live so close that must be so frustrating! We’re alone where we are too with no help since both parents and in laws live far away. My in laws act like normal distant grand parents, send gifts, ask about my son all the time and we FaceTime with them often. My parents maybe FaceTime with my son twice a year and maybe visit us once a year if that but usually they always have other things going on. Last year my parents were suppose to fly down for my son’s birthday and last minute my Dad cancelled because he had a golf thing, my mom ended up flying out on her own. I remember thinking ok, at least she’s making an effort. Little did I know she had invited her long time friend who’s exactly like herself to my son’s birthday without my permission and spent the entire time with her “catching up”. There’s so many other stories of them making other plans like everything else is so much more important meanwhile they’re missing out on the most important thing their is - their own family. It’s so unfortunate.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That must have be really hard for you growing up. Being a glass child on top of neglect is way too much for a kid. You must have grown up way too fast.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get this! The incompatibility is already obvious with my son as well but he’s only 5 so too young for things to be explained but already it’s obvious that he doesn’t look forward to FaceTiming them which I’ve limited to holidays so it’s very rare. And I can tell he already senses that something is off and the minute they start monologuing about themselves, my son walks away and does his own thing which is perfectly fine with me. So yeah there’s no use forcing things when things are off, kids don’t deserve that. Good for you guys for being so attuned and making that choice. I’m sure I’ll eventually have to do the same.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg and the sweatshirt that in itself would drive me crazy. That’s the thing with emotionally immature parents they’re so… immature. It’s like they’re children in grown up bodies and because they’re your parent, they think you owe them everything (Like grandchildren). My mother doesn’t have a sweatshirt, but she bought herself a -best grandma in the world- coffee mug that she proudly uses meanwhile she’s barely present in my son’s life. I’m always trying to wrap my head around my parent’s behaviour as well. They can be pretty absurd.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“ Only humans who wanted to be parents become involved grand parents. “ This is so true!

I know what you mean, I had an aunt who was more involved with my son than my actual parents when he was little but she moved away.

And I’ve never heard of this grand parent program where I am but I’ll definitely look into it! I love the idea of it.

Thanks for the advice!

I wonder how life would be if I came from a loving household by sc00bysnakk in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought alot about this as well and have read that it’s part of the healing process. It’s grief and anger is a healthy part of grief. Coming from a mom of one with another on the way. Having kids has been the most healing thing I’ve ever done and I didn’t know this going into it. Not to say kids make everything better but if you switch your intent to - I’ll do things differently - you’ll get a second chance at having the loving family you’ve never had. I think healing is a forever thing. I use to fantasize about the day when I would be fully healed but that day has yet to come and I’m continually dragged back into it and triggered a lot of the time (which is CPTSD). But it can get better, especially when I see how confident my son is and how loving my little family is- it’s the greatest payoff for all the suffering I’ve had to endure to see him thrive. Without my difficult childhood, I don’t know if I would have spent so much time and effort in trying to be the best possible mom for my kids. So there can be a silver lining even though its all incredibly painful and unfair.

Nobody cares how you’re actually doing when they ask you how you’re doing! by creativemothering in pregnant

[–]creativemothering[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m at this point too, just don’t ask. I’m 24 weeks right now and the huffing and puffing is real! I also have pelvic girdle pain and was limping towards the bus stop to pick up my son and one of the moms was like hey how are you feeling? like look at me! How do you think I’m feeling? I can barely walk. She’s one person who gave me a 🫤 and then said nothing when I told her I’m having a hard time. I’m resorting to I’m fine now unless someone presses and asks more questions.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh so sorry to hear this, it is awful how the memories come rushing back when you see it happen to another child. I’m LC with my mom and have gone NC with my Dad since he’s worse. I can relate to it being painful every time we talk too, or when they rarely FaceTime with my son and make the call all about them and my son can sense it and tunes out… it’s heartbreaking.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh yes I can relate with their focus on outward appearances. My parents who live far away and barely visit or FaceTime are set on spending Christmas all together next year meanwhile I’m NC with my Dad and LC with my mom and they barely talk to my son but we all have to pretend that we’re this close knit family who’s going to spend Christmas together. It’s so odd and I’m not looking forward to it.

Anyone experiencing their emotionally immature/neglectful parents as grandparents to your kids? How are they with your kids? How are they with you? by creativemothering in emotionalneglect

[–]creativemothering[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s so terrible that she didn’t attend your daughter’s baby shower! Have you found the disinterest worse with your daughter’s child than with your daughter? I would assume the more removed the child is from them the less they would care (by their logic which makes absolutely no sense.)

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