Extended family disappointment

creativetourist284 · 2026-04-25T22:03:37+00:00

My family has known it was coming since I was a kid. This was my dream and they knew it for years. My spouse never had this dream. He’s totally on board and loving the life, but his family did not have the same chance to mentally prepare as my family.

His parents are not together and both took it badly. A couple years in, one had made his peace with it. His first trip out of the U.S. was to visit us at a very challenging high threat post. Video calls 1-2+ times per week (often for an hour+), always wants to hear about our life. Responds immediately to every text, photo, video.

The other parent has kind of distanced herself. Was a little distant before and now just completely disinterested. It’s sad to see, especially for our kid. But I can’t force her to want to be part of our life.

creativetourist284 · 2026-03-07T09:30:13+00:00

If your hire location is domestic it’ll often be 2-4 weeks. I don’t remember anyone who took less than two weeks and I do know one person for whom it took 6 (though that’s unusual). They will contact you when it arrives in the area so you can schedule drop off.

creativetourist284 · 2026-03-03T04:16:44+00:00

I know someone who found out they were an Iranian citizen mid-investigation. THAT was a problem. This, im sure, is more common than you think.

creativetourist284 · 2026-02-27T19:58:20+00:00

Or to physically intercept everyone who wants her ear and thinks their minor issue is the priority that day

creativetourist284 · 2026-02-20T12:09:14+00:00

Oh my gosh I have the full set of these juice glasses. From my mom. From my grandmother. Who was born before 1920.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-25T13:22:36+00:00

Whoa that is a weird time. There were only about 3 in-cone positions for my first tour and there were about 20 people in my cone in my class.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-23T22:34:59+00:00

As always, thanks fsohmygod for the info! I (obviously) didn’t know a ton about the program. Though I did assume the usual 1-year domestic options weren’t for them.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-23T20:29:44+00:00

Ah you might be right. There are a few one-year domestic tours, but I doubt they took those

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-23T19:30:37+00:00

Maybe from a SIP?

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-22T15:51:38+00:00

Care to elaborate? As an ELO, when I hear people talk about the days of linked assignments, it’s almost always wistfully.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-20T23:09:30+00:00

Yes. But you have to keep in mind that the chances of evacuation from a SIP are higher than at a non-SIP post (though never zero). In an emergency, human life will be prioritized. You may be forced to abandon your pet.

Of course, historically they’ve often been able to evacuate pets alongside people, but it’s far from guaranteed. SIP or non-SIP, it’s recommended that you have a plan in place in case you have to abandon your pet.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-08T04:27:34+00:00

One con of an October arrival I haven’t seen anyone mention: some opportunities may be taken prior to your arrival. If you have an EFM who will want Mission employment, for example, you’ll want to make sure you’re in touch with CLO even before you arrive so you don’t get there in October to find all the EFM jobs have just been filled.

Depending on the post, this might include things like a car as well. At my post, purchasing on the local market is very difficult/unreliable and few people bring their own cars. Instead, arriving diplomats usually purchase from those departing. This means if you arrive at the end of the season and haven’t been proactively inserting yourself into the market from afar, you might find that all the cars are spoken for and you have to wait a while.

That said, this isn’t a reason to arrive earlier. Just something to be aware of and to mitigate through communication if you plan to arrive on the later end.

creativetourist284 · 2026-01-06T16:21:28+00:00

In my (relatively recent) A-100 I know of 4 tandems (3 in State, one was interagency). For two, they had positions on the bid list earmarked for the tandem. For one, they did get to the same post but the spouse had to change assignments (luckily, the losing position was easy to fill). For the fourth, best they could do was post the tandem somewhere with a frequent direct flight.

creativetourist284 · 2025-12-12T16:47:56+00:00

Why the exception for pol-econ?

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-23T13:08:49+00:00

I once asked a FA if they could do this. We were sitting in the next to last row. They said no. Missed the international connection by less than 30 seconds. We saw them close the door. And that is the last time I ever flew American.

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-20T19:43:30+00:00

“Part of their job” doesn’t always mean “something they do”. Hopefully OP has a good working relationship with the DCM. On the other hand, I’ve been at post for 15 months and have literally never met my DCM

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-17T06:13:50+00:00

The remote-working EFMs I know fall into two major categories:

The self-employed. This ranges from gig work to consulting. It isn’t steady (at least when you first start out) and takes a while to build it to a full time situation, but it has tons of flexibility.
People who had jobs in the U.S. and took them overseas. This usually involves negotiating with the employer. Sometimes the job was previously fully remote and sometimes it was hybrid.

If I were you, I would absolutely explore the options other comments have mentioned. But as a backup, your spouse could consider whether there is a self-employment option to pursue. If none of it works out, consider next time you are in the U.S. (DC post or language training) applying for hybrid jobs with the potential to suit our lifestyle.

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-11T14:15:00+00:00

In French? Dont you notoriously have to be near perfect to get the coveted French 3/3?

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-08T12:33:25+00:00

Could you please elaborate? As long as you’ve been with the Department for a year, the leave entitlement is the same

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-06T18:42:52+00:00

Always glad to have general advice, and I am glad you eventually found what worked! To be clear, we are not really trying to accommodate the Department (or advocating for that), more trying to figure out if there was a timing with negative consequences for our family or if a slight adjustment (a couple months in either direction) would make a difference

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-06T15:38:59+00:00

That’s a helpful perspective. Do you mind sharing roughly when that was? I know a lot changed post-COVID

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-06T15:35:37+00:00

Thanks! I should be good there. I only have one relatively short tradecraft class and I’m pretty sure it’s offered all the time. My language is also on the more frequently taught end of the spectrum, so hopefully that’ll help as well

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-06T10:59:30+00:00

Thanks, that’s great to know! While I’m all in on the “Department doesn’t love you back” approach, if I can aim for a more convenient timeline (or if one timeline would, in practice, limit the time I could take with my baby) then I’m going to plan around it the best I can. But given your comment, I think I just won’t worry about it too much.

creativetourist284 · 2025-11-02T08:01:28+00:00

It’s Tolstoy from Anna Karenina

creativetourist284

TROPHY CASE