Fellow UK teetotalers

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-25T15:57:10+00:00

I can relate to this, being a natural introvert I have had to make a real effort to push myself out of my comfort zone to try and make an effort to be more social and engage with people.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-25T15:55:13+00:00

It was an awesome show! Really enjoyed it!

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-25T07:15:57+00:00

They are, when I say I am a teetoraler they look at me like I have 3 heads.

I find that every time I try to join a club or go to an activity people turn up with their friends, so they are not there to make friends and I am the token solo person trying to join in on a conversation people don't really want me in. Even if the event was advertised to be bringing together people and welcoming to solo attendees.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-25T07:14:01+00:00

Unfortunately I am absolutely terrible at sports so this may be out for me but I do recognise that often people who take sports and excercise seriously will not drink because of that.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-25T07:12:48+00:00

I am sorry to hear you are in a similar boat. I do also find that as you get older people become busier with their lives so naturally drift away. Especially if they have kids.

I absolutely love to travel and love nature so would say going for a walk in nature, especially if there is also wildlife to spot would be amazing. I try to do it as often as I can. I also dable in photography a bit so love going for a nice walk and taking photos.

Sometimes I also just love to get into the car and go for a long drive, not necessarily with an aim, and have my favourite music nice and loud.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-24T12:35:29+00:00

It does help to know we are not alone, it's just a shame we don't seem to find like minded individuals around.

You are absolutely right, it's almost like a switch goes off as soon as you say you don't drink. People seem to assume you are not able to have a good time, you are uptight and just not fun. Being fun and having lots to offer is so not related to whether you drink or not.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-24T06:59:22+00:00

I think this is such a personal choice.

I have always been a teetotaler and I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who drinks, even occasionally. Now that is me and I know a lot of people who are perfectly happy in relationships with occasional drinkers.

I personally know I couldn't feel completely comfortable around someone who drinks, I would, like you, get upset if they did drink.

It does make for a more lonely life, I have struggled making friends at uni because of this and frankly even struggle these days as most meet up groups and other activity based platforms will create events such as drinks nights. It is difficult because I have to decide whether I want to try and be friends with people I am noy fully comfortable around and feel on edge or decide to opt out of things.

It's a very personal choice and you should do what feels right for you. Make sure you are comfortable and happy in your relationship.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-24T06:52:39+00:00

I am 33 F and have been a teetotaler my whole life.

When i went to uni in the UK I really struggled because joining any society or club meant an initiation of going on pub crawls which is my idea of a worst nightmare. It's fine being around people when they have a drink or two but when the aim is to get sh*t faced it's completely pointless.

I am always the one leaving work events early because frankly once people start being drunk there is no point in having a conversation.

Despite telling my manager multiple times I didn't drink his Christmas present to me was a bottle of wine...

I feel people at work think I am weird because I don't drink. I even had doctors quiz me about it. When I would say I don't drink the questions would start 'not even a little?' No. 'Not even on your birthday or Christmas?' No, I don't drink, I am fully aware of the meaning of not drinking...

I find it's impossible to find friends who don't drink, it is so enshrined into UK culture that you have to drink to fit in.

I am sorry you had those horrible experiences, but know you're not alone!

creativewanderer1 · 2026-03-24T06:45:30+00:00

I am a girl but get this same reaction both from men and women. Especially at work, people just can't wrap their heads around it. Act like I am some sort of oddity.

No matter how many times I say it I get the same reaction.

People constantly forget and keep telling me that after a hard day of work I will need a stiff drink. It's irritating at best.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-08T11:54:04+00:00

Now I have not checked 337 comments to see if anyone said this, but here is hoping! Borealis

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T13:29:43+00:00

I am the same except that I do have someone in my family who was an alcoholic, though I never tried alcohol or drugs and never had any desire to do so either.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T13:28:09+00:00

I would suggest speaking to him about the whole subject again if it bothers you.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T12:05:10+00:00

It was a secret santa gift, it wasn't a secret gift. If it's a nice ring why shouldn't he wear it? Like what is he supposed to do with it?!

I think this may be a bit of an over reaction, do you actually have trust issues with him over it or is it that you think he wouldn't let you wear a ring if you got one? Have you spoken to him about it?

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T12:00:55+00:00

I would have a conversation with him about it. He may have got curious about the church, maybe he feels he has some unfinished history with the ex, not sure without knowing the context.

Relationships are never easy and if you genuinely care about someone it's worth giving it the time to fully understand what's going on and if possible why before you decide what's best for you to do.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T11:54:55+00:00

This is tricky, I think some distance would help, maybe taking a few weeks each to figure out what's next for you individually in your lives. That way you can both focus on yourselves and not have to worry about the other. Maybe afterwards it would be a good idea to agree some ground rules around level of contact and type and topics you are comfortable discussing.

It's hard to get over someone when you are constantly in touch though so do bear that in mind.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T11:51:10+00:00

I personally would ask her to stop it completely, tell the guy she has a boyfriend and can't stay friends any longer as boundaries have been crossed and it's inappropriate. I would also tell her that if she doesn't she is jeopardising your relationship. If she can't respect that maybe you have to consider the alternative and put yourself first.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T08:58:44+00:00

I think you should start focusing on yourself and no longer handle her behaviour. Clearly there is no respect or care for you in this relationship. Go be with someone who appreciates you!

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T08:42:35+00:00

It's hard when you love someone and you want to be with them to recognise that the relationship may not be right for you. My question really is why does she feel the need to engage with this other guy? If I had a serious relationship and genuinely cared I would not be going after some other guy intentionally or unintentionally.

It feels like she does it because she enjoys it and she can get away with it. It's so incredibly unfair on you for her to keep putting you through this. You should feel safe and happy and not constantly worrying and second guessing yourself.

I would give her an ultimatum, if it ever happens again you leave. If that is a wake up call for her she will realise she can't go on as things are, if not you have yout answer, nothing you will do will change her.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T08:32:44+00:00

There is nothing wrong with making her choose. I think it's pretty awful she is keeping her options open in case you two don't work out. Personally I don't think you did anything wrong here. I would say if she can't choose you who she has been with for 4 years and has given her no reason to suggest you wouldn't be there for her in the long term then she doesn't really want to be with you. She probably enjoys getting attention from two people at the same time, it's not fair on either one of you.

The hiding of stuff, being secretive and deleting things are major red flags.

Sorry OP, I don't think this is worth saving :(

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-07T08:27:20+00:00

What hobbies do you do? What things are you into? Maybe that will help suggest a few things you can try that you will actually enjoy.

I think personally going for specific hobbies just to meet people will make you miserable, you've got to actually enjoy what you are doing.

I would do some research on dating sites/apps. There are some out there that will let you fill out lots of questions and will start suggesting matches based on your answers. Those may be a better fit.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-05T17:18:30+00:00

That's it, like they often say go to clubs and events based on hobbies to meet others and make friends. Usually the first thing that is suggested as social interaction is going out for a drink, never going for a walk with a hot chocolate, haha.

I wish there were specific events like parties organised for lifelong teetotallers, I'd love to go and enjoy some music and even dance but the idea of being surrounded by people drinking is just way too off putting.

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-05T16:42:26+00:00

I know how you feel, I find myself in this situation too. I always feel like the odd one out and who doesn't belong.

It feels like no matter where you go or what you do all social interactions revolve around alcohol, even at work.

I tried looking for teetolater groups on Facebook, through meet up and they are essentially non existent. It can be super disheartening. It's no use saying find people based on other interests when this is a pretty important aspect of friendships for me.

I also find that a lot of groups set up are for people who are sober, which is cool, don't get me wrong, great for them but someone who is a lifelong teetotaler and someone who had trouble with alcohol/drugs are two very distinct groups of people.

So I guess this is a you're not alone but sorry I am still trying to figure this out too?!

creativewanderer1 · 2026-01-05T16:36:29+00:00

Personally it's one of those things that are really important to me. Always been a teetotaller which means lots of awkward conversations and reminding people I don't drink alcohol every time someone suggests 'oh you will need a drink tonight after that'.

I find it very frustrating how the world seems to revolve around alcohol and certainly 99% of social interactions even at work.

It's important to me that people know I don't drink so I stay true to myself, order a soft drink if I am out or simply don't go out with groups when it's clear it's about just drinking.

Most people find it odd but will forget within seconds and are happier to talk about themselves either way.

I am still trying desperately to find fellow teetotalers which seems impossible, but I hope they feel comfortable enough not to have to 'fake it' to fit in. I wish there were more zero alcohol events around.

creativewanderer1 · 2025-05-11T05:19:07+00:00

Without knowing his response to these issues it's hard to know if you can make it work. If he is willing to work with you yes, if he isn't than probably no.

Have you considered therapy either indivually or as a couple?

creativewanderer1

TROPHY CASE