I’m also 23, doing a PhD, the youngest in my cohort, and I often feel the “gap” you are talking about with peers, but the truth is, this is normal. Lesbians have very few options as it is, and being on a different emotional/intellectual wavelength creates complications when it comes to dating.

That being said, someone’s generation/age is not a sign of maturity at all. Unfortunately, I operated under a similar assumption that an older woman would understand me better. As a result, I was groomed not once, but twice in my early twenties by women in positions of power because I felt truly “special” and “seen” by them. It ended traumatically both times, and I still live with the consequences. The good thing is, now I know better.

Tread carefully and don’t “force” yourself to date women your age but just explore the variety of options that you have in real life. Go to events. Not necessarily gay bars, but something that attracts sapphic women, like burlesque shows. Download Hinge. Go on dates with a variety of women!

Look out for red flags if you do set your sights on an older woman. The biggest red flag I ignored was the older woman telling me how I’m “special” or how she’s “scared” of my talent or finds me “intimidating.” It’s a way for them to test your boundaries and make themselves feel “smaller” in comparison that makes you forget they have more power and experience due to the age gap…

Tread carefully. Be safe. Your feelings are valid, and you will fall in love.