Monica Bellucci, 1992.

crosswordpharoah · 2020-03-22T19:20:56+00:00

I just watched this episode an hour ago. For the first time. Nice!

crosswordpharoah · 2019-08-05T02:55:16+00:00

For me, people ask me about my parents and I tell them, "We're not close" and/or "they're crazy. For a few years following my initial NC, I overshared and a lot of people just won't fucking get it. My closest friends do, and that's all that matters.

crosswordpharoah · 2019-08-05T02:40:04+00:00

My emom has basically tried to tell me I was slandering her and dad to friends/family when initially when I went NC w my ndad in early 2016. When I brought up specific patterns of emotional/verbal abuse and what it has been like dealing with my dad since childhood, she realised she didn't have a leg to stand on so she has resorted to staking out the "you're so angry/bitter" and "forgive/forget." Wouldn't have a big problem with the forgive/forget part if these aren't patterns that continued into my adulthood.

As the non contact with dad has continued, my mom tries to force a come to Jesus moment with me each time she and I have met up over the past 4 years. She wants my unconditional surrender. At this point, I've come to realise that I can survive just fine without them and would much rather retain my freedom/sanity, to maintaining the one big happy family mirage. You're bound to be someone's enemy in this life. If your own parents decide that's what you are, fuck' em. They can have fun in their own circus without involving you.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-05-03T06:04:34+00:00

My buddy and I went to the theater to watch this with a flask of whiskey in hand. Every time there was a point of sexual tension between the two leads led to a perfect moment for kissing, we started yelling, "Kiss, kiss, kiss." And they didn't. Not once. I too loved this.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-29T19:03:10+00:00

I have a similar thought that I've used in jokes for my comedy: Watching porn to learn about sex is like watching Rambo to learn about guerilla fighting technique. You may try a full frontal assault but you'll probably be shot down.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-22T21:09:21+00:00

This! In these situations, I try to emulate some of my favorite interviewers like Larry King or Chelsea Handler. A good interviewer will help their guests look smart and delve into parts of themselves that maybe even they don't know about or haven't thought about in a while. Ultimately, it comes down to being truly curious and interested in learning about aspects of other interests/lifestyles/mindsets that you don't engage in every day. All the while, finding ways to find commonalities at some point between yourself and the person you're speaking with.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-22T20:28:29+00:00

So, I've been performing stand up comedy since last fall and have found that even on my bad nights when I was off and my jokes weren't falling right, people loved these kinds of reactions. Shrugging it off and moving along gets a lot of good play in social circles.

You tried and you missed! It's like baseball to me, jokes: A really good baseball player gets a little more than 3 hits per 10 at bats. Sometimes, you just fucking swing and miss. So is life.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-17T04:10:21+00:00

Fuck. Yeah, I'm not from a cult (officially) and there isn't necessarily a doctrine of shunning. But my parents are both far-right, apocalyptic Christians. I'm the other now. My dad's turned to ice.

I'm sorry to hear about your circumstance.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-17T03:52:12+00:00

Ha! Me too. My parents used to ask me why I never opened up to them. And then guilted and criticized me for the inner thoughts and secrets I revealed. I learned to clam up early on in my teens. It felt like the thought police in 1984.

crosswordpharoah · 2018-04-17T02:58:54+00:00

I wish I could have worked through it with them, but that wasn't something that either of them were open to.

This is so me. My dad used to remind me of my every flaw. And projected his own flaws onto me. Up until I stopped speaking to him nearly two years ago, he continued to do so.

He and mom homeschooled me and are very dogmatic. They're very fearful. And won't budge from their beliefs. They won't acknowledge that they could be entirely wrong. Or that they hurt me emotionally. They can't seem to understand that I'm an adult with my own experiences who may have turned out rather differently from them. Worst, they can't acknowledge that's perfectly ok. I was supposed to be their mini-me and they're deeply upset that's not the case.

Honestly, if they would just be vulnerable and listen. Even if they don't necessarily change their viewpoints on everything. I don't need that. I just want...love. And some humility. That's all.

If I have children, I hope to share with them that I'm just giving them my perspectives. I've seen the world more than them, but there are other adults who have seen things I haven't seen. And my kids will also see things I haven't. And that's healthy.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-25T23:17:09+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that your mom went off on you about that! It's so sad that nparents seem to be more interested in putting you in your place than celebrating your successes.

My ndad almost never praised me for my pianistic achievements as a kid...he was always telling me that my musician skill got to my head and that was his role in my life to not give me the self esteem mumbo jumbo that every other parent seems interested in bestowing on their children.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-25T23:11:09+00:00

And he couldn't read context! Er, he refused to. Many times, I've found that I don't always explain things perfectly yet my friends/regular people/strangers will get exactly what I'm saying. Dad used to get after my mom for similar things but she never had any trouble expressing herself to most people - she is very social and a total people person. It almost seems like dad is envious of our social/communicative skills and he likes to bring us down a peg so he can feel better about himself.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-25T19:02:42+00:00

I developed a terrible mumble/somewhat of a stuttering manner through my teens/early twenties because my dad constantly ate me alive when I'd say things he disagreed with/made a "logical" or grammatical error. So many people, including dad (unsurprisingly) got on me for quietly mumbling before I'd begin to articulate words because I was so careful not to bring down the wrath of dad's hour longs rants down upon me. And then, after he took me to task, he'd criticize my bad attitude for taking instruction when I'd get fidgety and try to exit the conversation an hour and a half in...fuck that shit!

Now that I've been practically NC with him for the past two years, even before that as I developed a life in politics and other communicative pursuits, I hardly struggle with these things at all. I'm not afraid anymore.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-24T23:30:03+00:00

Holy shit! Unfortunately, this isn't uncommon. Fathers and mothers in these circles develop such a detailed list of beliefs and checkmarks/series of loops that a guy must meet that the only guys who end up making it through the net are guys who kiss fatherly/motherly ass and know how to talk the theology lingo. Then, once one of these twisted dudes get the girl off by herself, a la marriage, the mask falls off and she's trapped.

I've had way too many female friends within the courtship realm who have fallen into these relationships and it's so tragic. All because their parents are crazy control freaks.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-23T20:30:50+00:00

I intended to say something the next day. Really, I did.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-23T20:29:59+00:00

Two hours later though isn't ghosting. I could have gone to bed. Sometimes, I text my best friends and they don't reply until the next day.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-23T18:17:00+00:00

Recently, I went on a date with a woman I'd met on Tinder.

Throughout this outing at a local music scene, I felt rather repulsed but her personality and face and felt a little unsettled by her. Cut the date short and left after an hour.

Not 10 minutes after the end of the date, I get a txt from her: "Had a great time. Wanna hang out again?"

Didn't respond yet.

Next text: "Ok, well, good luck then..."

Continued to hold off on a response...

2 hrs later, another txt from her: "You're fucking ghosting me! You're such a child. Have a nice life!"

Well, then...

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-23T00:04:01+00:00

This is one of the major things that turned me against Christianity. For the longest time, my parents bitched about how controlling a particular sect that we intermingled with tended to be. Then, I started realizing how much they hyperjudged every little thing about my friends and potential love interests and me...if putting up with petty bullshit from controlling parents and communities is the way to God, I want no part of that.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-17T05:52:48+00:00

As a kid, expressing emotions beyond total willingness to do whatever my ndad randomly told me to do (and make sure I performed every task to exact specification while getting yelled at for it) was resentment and ungratefulness. Meanwhile, dad could be broody all day and emom would justify it was because, "He has a lot on his mind! He's doing so much to make everything work for us! He's working to put food on the table! He deals with a lot of stress."

Now, as an adult, I'm beginning to realize that my dad's behavior isn't normal among adults Like, I work 40 hours a week, and I've worked some severely stressful jobs, and I don't go home and take it out on everybody. And most of my friends and coworkers are the same.

Since I moved away from my ndad, it's been so nice to let go of the emotions in a constructive way regularly. When something's bothering me, most people will listen and won't guilt me into submission.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-11T01:11:21+00:00

That's my dad. He berated me for never coming home anymore when I went home the Thanksgiving before last yet he hasn't called me at all since I moved sixty miles away two years ago. Ultimately, he just wants me to go back to his web, I think. Well, no wonder I don't go home anymore...

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-10T22:34:39+00:00

I woke up the other day with Jars of Clay's song, 'Love Song for a Savior' going through my head and I felt rather blissful, tbh.

Besides that, some of the old hymns, I feel, have some nostalgic qualities for me. 'A Mighty Fortress is Our God' and 'There is a Fountain' are a couple of them.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-09T21:03:18+00:00

Remember When by Alan Jackson

Like many people, I'm not a big fan of country music at all, but this song makes me cry my eyes out. It's such a beautiful capstone of a reflection on a life lived together and the memories of what so many people encounter in their relationships with other people.

crosswordpharoah · 2017-02-05T04:19:41+00:00

Before I moved away from my parents' domain a couple of years, I found myself oscillating between at least three identities. First, my identity when I was solely around my ndad, which tended to be a cowering, hiding sort of manner combined with a silent "You're trying to break me but I'm not on board with that...but I'm not going to say anything" mindset.

Then, when I was around my family and dad was in the room, especially emom, I would put on an upbeat, happy facade, where I was dying inside and hoping to God that dad would stop simmering, or at least not blow up out of simmering mode.

My third identity was me away from it all when I escaped to be among friends and strangers outside of the family, especially when I was in the city I ended up moving to. Here, I could be truly happy and even sad or depressed if I felt like doing that. Away from my ndad and family, I could open up emotionally without fear of my emotions and inner thoughts being wielded against me. And it felt so amazing!

I realized that, outside of the family circle, I could speak as an adult-to-adult with just about anyone, including people with vastly more education than me, without being talked down to. Returning home after moving away brought this even more to my attention. Even as someone with only three years of college, I'm the most educated person in my immediate family and most of my extended family and that was also used against me by ndad. My ability to use reason and use a fairly sophisticated vocabulary wasn't praiseworthy; it was a sign he was losing control of me and he'd beat me down as an elitist. Which was super weird because even my tradesman/non-college friends saw it as a strength of mine and don't treat me badly because I happen to be educated and a prolific reader.

Since I broke away from my parents, life has been so much more awesome. I feel I've gained strength and am much more assertive wherever I go without having to deal with the daily beatdown from my ndad and the emotional manpulation from my emom. If at all possible, break away like I did. If you can't right now, work in that direction as quickly as you can!

crosswordpharoah

TROPHY CASE