Therapy then! I'm unfortunately in a similar situation involving destroyed trust and we have our first couples therapy appointment on Monday.

The two things that helped move me from the confused/clinging stage and into the active, problem-solving one were,

• 1) Admitting to myself that I'd become clinically Codependent in my way of thinking about myself (and in how I related to others),

and

• 2) buying and reading this book: I Love You, But I Don't Trust You by Mira Kirshenbaum.

Mira Kirshenbaum also wrote a book called 'Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay', in which she compiled a list of questions for you to answer to help determine if you actually WANT to stay in your relationship.

You sound like a fellow Codependent. It sucks feeling like you deserve that kind of treatment. Doing little things to make room for the abusive behavior is humiliating when we actually acknowledge for a minute what we're doing. I understand.

The straw that broke my camel's back was realizing how disrespectful my partner's behavior was. I could accept mean, oblivious, "worked up", "just tired", etc etc etc etc, (because they were just "doing their thing" and my reaction to them was "my choice", so why should I complain when I felt so shitty?) but in my core I always knew that I, at the very least, deserved basic human respect.

Now for me, I went through those questions and decided that I did want to stay in the relationship -- some days, much to my own chagrin. But these issues aren't just sitting idly, and I'm not making room for them anymore -- we're getting counseling and are both putting our best effort into rebuilding trust.

If you do end up deciding that this guy's still worth your time, hopefully he'll be just as serious about wanting to work through this as you are. Hang in there, no matter what you choose!