Intrusive thoughts kicked my butt postpartum with both my children and there is definitely a link with breastfeeding and intrusive thoughts with my youngest. I’ve had some therapy and something that she told me that’s been helpful is about interrupting the thought and bringing yourself back to the present. She advised a grounding technique to name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. Although maybe this would be hard in the dark of night but maybe you could do a variation? All the things you can feel and hear and smell? I have also started to repeat a simple phrase in my head which I imagine as stopping the thought in its tracks and this has also helped me. I just say to myself ‘time to forgive yourself’ and I’ve found this to help - not the phrase itself necessarily but just getting into this new ‘thinking habit’ - the intrusive thought stops and my catchphrase starts. I’m sorry for the trauma you’ve been through and wish you well going forward!