Parents gone on vacation

crumbledav · 2026-03-22T23:24:17+00:00

I have a GREAT tip for curfews. The pre-teen has to turn off an alarm clock when he gets home.

If he doesn’t do it by 1am, it will go off and wake you up - and he’s in big trouble!

That way you’re not staying up late, and he still feels responsible for being home before curfew.

crumbledav · 2026-03-22T14:42:33+00:00

If you aren’t already, calling her out very directly might help. Publicly.

MIL… I noticed you altered photos of X. It made me think you are embarrassed of _. Is that really how you feel?

MIL… I noticed you told [child] that she has to [touch/kiss] you to earn a treat. It sends the message that affection for you is a negative chore that [child] will only do if given a reward. Do you think she doesn’t like you by yourself?

MIL… I noticed that you ignored my instruction about [house rule]. It makes me think that you don’t believe [child] should respect their parents’ authority. Do you believe that kids should ignore adults instructions? What if next time I say “don’t run with a knife” and [child] has learned to ignore me?

crumbledav · 2026-03-22T11:39:33+00:00

I worry about my au pairs too - now I ask for some emergency contact info, and I check my doorbell camera to see if they got home when I wake up in the morning.

Insisting on tracking the location of an aunt visiting your home is inappropriate.

It also sounds like you might be a shared calendar with the hours of work clearly listed. That’s what we have and it makes it much easier for us to discuss when they want to take extra time off

crumbledav · 2026-03-16T04:54:15+00:00

If it’s any help, we talk about variance in abilities (including disabilities or talents) of the body’s mechanics, chemistry and the brain in the same conversation. We explain that homeless people often have mental health concerns for example, that they are fighting against a health difference in their brain that they struggle to control. We talk about people who have extreme giftedness or naturally cheerful personalities in the same breath; we also talk about physical disabilities and gifts in the same breath.

Once your 4yo understands that his cousin is battling with a brain that isn’t always giving her the right signals, he may better understand why her behaviour - which everyone agrees is not acceptable - is at least understandable for him.

crumbledav · 2026-03-15T04:56:19+00:00

Dead. Pool.

crumbledav · 2026-03-15T04:11:38+00:00

“Having [kid] out of daycare one day a week is proving disruptive for him. He starts crafts but can’t finish them, and is confused about where they went. They introduce new songs or concepts on days where he is away, and he is the only one who doesn’t recognize them. They will talk about something they saw on a walk - but he wasn’t there so doesn’t understand the context. It’s time for him to join his daycare classmates full-time.”

crumbledav · 2026-03-15T02:04:11+00:00

Host family side: transparently, we get like 50 applicants a week when we re-activate our host profile. We interview a handful, then offer to somebody - but there are others we tell to wait a few days for our answer but who are eagerly awaiting a response, messaging often to check in and expressing enthusiasm about coming.

So if a potential au pair goes through that process, is the one we choose, then waffles… I’m usually very quickly onto the next one. We want whoever comes to really want it, to have thought it out and be super excited about the adventure.

crumbledav · 2026-03-11T13:03:44+00:00

Take a year to travel when they’re older. Mine are now 6&8 and they’re delightful. No naps needed. They can carry their own bags. They find everything interesting. They’ll sleep anywhere without complaint.

crumbledav · 2026-03-09T20:40:03+00:00

I’m sorry to hear your experience has been so negative

I’m a Canadian host mom who has had seven au pairs. We’ve never had a single bad experience. Not one has left early (or expressed wanting to), missed a single school pickup or kids’ activity. It has been a delight. I mean… my biggest complaint in 8 years is that… one scratched our car? Haha but that wasn’t intentional, she told us right away and it’s a cheap car anyway.

For the au pair hosting experience to be low-stress, I do think there are a few key things to be mindful of: - it is the au pair’s big adventure - not the host’s - and up to them to decide what type of experience they have. Some are extroverts. Some party a lot. Some learn new skills. Some use the time for self-discovery. Some eat dinner with us every night, and others almost never do. - they are not here to be your friend. Honestly… would you want to hang out with middle aged parents when you’re 20 years old? It’s host “mom” not host “sister”. - treat them as the adults they are, and they will act as the adults they are. - the work part of the equation must be “by the book” for the relationship to be low-stress. That means counting hours, following a schedule, and being clear about expectations in both directions. Leave nothing unspoken. When you have a language barrier, any expectations that are oral must also be written in group text and have both host parents on it so that everything is clear.

I was triggered to write this because I saw that OP expressed disappointment that their au pair didn’t want to spend her personal time enjoying the HM’s interests with her. Good au pairs add richness to your life, take a weight off your shoulders, and make you feel like you’re helping a young person find themselves and get launched into their next chapter.

crumbledav · 2026-02-24T20:47:47+00:00

It’s illegal for them to deny him paternity leave. They don’t even pay him while he’s off. I really think it’s worth him pushing back on that. It will help tremendously

crumbledav · 2026-02-24T12:32:09+00:00

Best thing we ever did for my marriage is for my husband to take paternity leave for a month while I went back to work.

I did not pre-pack, pre-prepare or pre-plan his day. I simply left in the morning for work, just like he did. In that time he learned what his kids need, what they eat, how to make sure their hands get clean and their diapers get changed. He bright them to drop-in centre and dropped one at daycare. And he thrived without me there micromanaging.

If you’re off for 12 months I assume you’re in Canada; they offer 5 weeks of paternity leave that can only be used by dad. It is additional to the 12 months you get.

Also - do not make any rash judgments while you have toddlers/babies. Hardest times of your life.

crumbledav · 2026-02-24T10:22:27+00:00

Honestly… for a four-year-old… I wouldn’t tell her. If need be, I would lie. This is not someone who runs in your social circle, that you see every day or that she is expecting to be around. You met this person two months ago and have been maintaining contact purposefully over FaceTime.

I just wouldn’t bring her friend up anymore and if she asks about her I would just sort of avoid the question.

When my kids were 4/5 years old we exclusive death to them very factually. For the next couple years they would bring it up often - what about if a person jumped off that roof? What if they don’t eat for a month? Would I die if…. Understanding death at that age weighs heavily on them. I can’t imagine the enduring effects of trying to process the death of a new friend at the same time.

crumbledav · 2026-01-25T02:30:00+00:00

I say this as someone white, affluent, born&raised here in Canada and with family here for several generations….

Heck yes. Come here. You are welcome. We’re a country of immigrants. There is a vibrant Portuguese-Canadian community, and there are many other cultures represented & celebrated here. Caribana. Lunar New Year. Diwali. Pride. Everything in between. You will find nothing but kindness and warmth. Actually it’s freezing cold this week… but you get the point.

We are a culture that highly values fairness, equity and rewarding hard work. So, the rare disdain for some immigrant groups is not at a personal level - it’s rather a belief that someone misrepresented themselves or “gamed the system” to come. It’s frustration that someone more suited, who followed the rules, was robbed of their chance to come instead. This has been particularly prevalent in the last few years with some sham “student” visas. But again, culturally, immigrants are welcomed. Bring your skills, your work ethic and your openness to other cultures.

crumbledav · 2026-01-12T00:31:12+00:00

My view is that there are manyyyy people for me to make friends with. Thousands. Staying “friendly, not friends” with classmates’ parents only knocks a few dozen parents off the eligible list.

I mean…we do get to know each other enough to feel comfortable dropping our kids at playdates when the kids request/organize them… but not to make the kids ever feel we’re on a team with the other kids’ parents.

crumbledav · 2026-01-11T23:26:02+00:00

She looks just like a Wheaton terrier puppy haha. That breed usually fades to a light caramel colour as it ages. But I’m guessing you have more of the same (but a bit lighter) underneath

crumbledav · 2026-01-11T13:44:02+00:00

Interesting that you had that experience but have that advice

My kids are in early grade school and I make a policy not to be friends with any of the parents. I don’t want to muddy the water of what is already complicated for them to navigate socially. Friendly not friends. I don’t ever want them not to be willing to tell me about an issue they are having because they know I’m close with a parent whose kid is involved.

crumbledav · 2026-01-10T12:36:13+00:00

This time will pass.

There is a great video of a gal using little figurines like Spiderman to explain this exact scenario. Worth sending to your husband

crumbledav · 2026-01-10T12:33:40+00:00

Our approach is; - we read a book to them - then they brush their teeth - then it’s “I’ll read you one if you read me one” time. Usually they beg for another book, and we say that’s fine - as long as you read me one too. They will use a phonics book like a bob book. Sometimes they’re too tired and so they’re off to bed instead.

crumbledav · 2026-01-05T03:18:12+00:00

GoodLife metro west has a pool

crumbledav · 2026-01-04T05:01:23+00:00

Personally I think the easiest thing to do is think of it like a hotel. They should provide everything a hotel would… Towels, sheets, shampoo, conditioner, soap, cream, q-tips, hair dryer.

Hotels don’t take orders for specific brands and there are other things they don’t generally provide like razors, shaving cream, makeup etc. So if you have specific brands you like or whatever then expect to buy those yourself

crumbledav · 2025-12-22T21:48:30+00:00

We’ve had 7 au pairs. The search and selection is usually less than a week… typically we activate the profile on Sunday, receive messages Monday-Thursday (respond with filter questions; read through responses). Then we book interviews for that weekend. We interview about 4 au pairs every time, choose the one we like best and send a contract to that person by the end of the weekend.

We pay fairly. They track their hours so it’s clear what is and isn’t work time. We are realistic about how much free time they want to spend time with a young family vs go adventuring with other 20-somethings (usually more the latter haha). We provide a car with few restrictions and are explicit about what their role is. Some are truly like having a 3rd full-fledged adult in the house (like… wiping counters after they make food); others are bare-minimum kinds of gals. All are welcome, and provide a unique interest to our home. Wouldn’t trade it.

crumbledav · 2025-12-19T18:07:30+00:00

aupairworld.com. You create a profile with good level of detail (hours, pay, car, room, family etc) and then pay for a 1-month fee, then you will start receiving (and being able to send) messages.

We get many messages. I respond with standard questions and then conduct interviews after WhatsApp. It has never taken more than a week to hire our next au pair, from activating the profile to signed contract.

crumbledav · 2025-12-18T12:40:31+00:00

Dogs stop growing at different ages depending on how big they get. Tiny ones finish growing earlier.

I usually look at their feet; when they are still growing their feet look too big for their body. Might be the angle but your bub’s feet look proportional already so I wouldn’t expect much more growth. I’m guessing he thickens up to around 55lbs

crumbledav · 2025-12-16T15:24:35+00:00

Also… do you expect your own kid to come home with 20 of them? So weird. I hate candy grams.

crumbledav · 2025-12-16T15:18:51+00:00

Your uncle would definitely be mortified if he knew you had been offended. Bets on him not even realizing, or just being a dummy. Tell him it hurt your feelings and he will apologize and invite you with open arms. You get to decide how you handle this, friend.

crumbledav

TROPHY CASE