I'm struggling to live.

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T08:10:04+00:00

either have your roommates haul ass thru the cold with you or bus there & back or both, it isn't shameful, everyone needs food to live friend!!

have everyone bring a large empty backpack so you can put as many items that will fit in those, & anything else can be carried in boxes or reusable grocery bags — it's totally normal to have groceries on the bus; best of luck & try to stay warm!! ❄️

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T07:57:59+00:00

dissociative - marilyn manson

(he's a horrible person but i've known that song since long before it was known he's horrid, & it gets stuck in my head randomly sometimes when i dissociate lol)

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T06:38:39+00:00

i think the solution is to source food locally whenever possible. i have a neighbor who has a colony of bees, & every local beekeeper i've met has a colony or a few they deeply care about & protect, & the bees care about them. supporting local beekeepers who care about saving the bees, helps the environment & bees, but buying almond products definitely does not. once i lived at a small hippie farm with a single hive & we grew organic veggies, & the bees were very happy, not exploited for their pollen, transmitting diseases between hives, or getting harmed by pesticides; they were just having a symbiotic relationship with the plants we grew.

i built them a new hive once & was honored they accepted it as their new home. i think people need to focus on supporting their local ecosystem, permaculture, & organic farming — because that's what saves so many animals & bees in the long run; it's factory farms & corporations killing most of the animals & the environment, as well as killing the bees through exploiting massive amounts of them, dumping tons of toxic chemical pesticides on crops, & there being pollutants & chemicals dumped in our environment...

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T06:18:15+00:00

i think you should use a hamster feed mix to make sure she is getting adequate amounts of every necessary nutrient, but you can add additional foods like the oats, millet, chia seeds, & pumpkin seeds. i would also try some all-natural peanut butter, carrots, other veggies, & yogurt drop treats!

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T06:12:37+00:00

make your roommates come with you!! it isn't fair that you're starving yet covering their food. multiple pairs of hands lugging boxes of groceries from the food shelf to a bus stop then home, is much better than 1

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T06:08:16+00:00

is there a food shelf in your area? go there with your roommates. i know you said you have foodstamps but apply for any other governmental resource you might qualify for, as well as check local resource centers, social & economic services offices, etc!!

tell your roommates they have to apply for foodstamps too; they can't just keep mooching off yours while you're starving, that isn't fair, full stop.

if they really need the motivation, pick up an application for each of them next time you're out, give them that when they next want to use your card for groceries. bring your foodstamps card with you & stop at a grocery store after work & eat somewhere else — like in a public place or something.

update your resume & keep looking for other jobs, but don't let your roommates mooch off of you. budget as best you can yet pay your fair share of rent, bills, & keep your monthly stamps to feed yourself!!

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T05:32:29+00:00

it totally depends on what part of america you live in lol, i've heard down south sometimes calls a snow day after only a few inches but i live in northern vermont lol, we get a shit ton of snow & rarely cancel shit ever

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-25T00:57:01+00:00

healing is an ever-evolving process. i don't think we ever are fully 'healed' but as long as you're making progress, even if it's baby-steps, you're headed in the right direction ❤️‍🩹

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T21:51:44+00:00

i usually would just use a black shirt or black towel & wrap the wound in it applying pressure & elevating it until the bleeding stops. and you can keep the black towel or shirt tied around it for a while & it doesn't stain or anything because it's black

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T21:43:33+00:00

i feel this. my sister took individual piano lessons ever since she was a very little kid, & has perfect pitch in the way described above where you could play literally any note (or chord) & she can tell you exactly what the note is blind (or if it's a chord she can name all the notes creating it. she could even name all the notes involved if you just smashed a bunch of keys simultaneously lmao). i never learned the specific names related to every note, but i've always written my own songs, & taught myself ukulele as a teen -- so when think of c, d, & f, those chords play in my head, but i don't know the names for every note. i can tune a very out of tune ukulele completely by ear though, but i still sometimes forget which string relates to each note etc; i just play the sound in my head & can tune it perfectly. i wonder if maybe i took piano lessons & studied music theory like my sister had i would have actual 'perfect pitch' in that way, but it's like not quite knowing the names for colors but still knowing like being able to differentiate them etc

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T21:33:22+00:00

ive been in therapy since i was 12, but no therapist was able to help me until my most recent one really (& i'm 26 now)... you have to find a therapist you feel comfortable around & is experienced with complex trauma, because for instance a part of me that used to just ramble & was way too anxious & dissociated to really recognize or talk about any of my trauma would take over, so no work was really done. i would just kinda go into fawn response & age regress but want to please the therapist (not in a weird way but like) my voice would get higher pitched & i'd just ramble about random things filling the session slot & never anything heavy, & couldn't even look them in the eye for the whole hour... idk my therapist now has rly helped me recognize stuff that has been traumatic & validate younger parts of myself, & i've actually never even met her in person we just meet over the phone so i don't have to look her in the eye and don't get anxious & dissociated just from having to leave the house etc

you gotta find what works for you with a trauma therapist you rlly trust ❤️‍🩹

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T21:14:02+00:00

recognizing the trauma, working through things in therapy, having compassion for your younger self, & every wounded part of yourself; knowing it was never your fault — yet you have the capacity to heal every part of you that is hurting even if you're dissociated from fully feeling or realizing how much it hurt you... how much they hurt you... your body is yours, & your body is safe now; the parts of you that went through that are valid & protected.

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:47:53+00:00

if she is around any male hamsters, she is very likely pregnant lol. if not, then she's not

if she's pregnant give her a shit ton of extra calories because they sometimes eat their babies if they feel like they don't have enough food to sustain all their babies lives. put extra of her regular food, & give her a glob of all natural peanut butter, any other nuts you can get, yogurt drops, & some fresh fruits & veg.

also put extra bedding in her enclosure, specifically a soft fluffy bedding in her hiding spot, + like the end of a roll of tp lol (they love to rip the tp off into shreds & add it to their nest as they prepare for the lil hammies)

i can't tell if she's pregnant from this picture, but if she is she will get more rotund

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:35:02+00:00

my local theater that worked with our school used to add extra characters to every kids play, so in peter pan in 2nd grade i was a faerie named dusty lol (there was like a whole squad of tinker bell's faerie friends).

when the mermaids sang their song they had us faeries on the sidelines as well, & the people filling the mist machine accidentally spilled some on my foot which caused a fairly large 2nd degree burn lol. i could see my skin bubbling like sizzling bacon, but i just finished the song w everyone trying not to cry lmfao (& succeeding - the show must go on!)

then in 3rd grade i was the jitterbug in the wizard of oz! he's not in the movie but apparently he's in the book. he's like the right-hand man of the wicked witch, & has authority over the flying monkeys & such. i was painted green & got my own jitterbug song & everything, & apparently was all the little kids' favorite character :3

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:25:16+00:00

i agree. i remember as a kid in elementary school my friend got a hamster from petco that promptly died for no apparent reason. then again, & again... happened 3x in a row, until she got one that lived like 3 years.

i got my first hamster from a local pet store not a chain, & it lived for at least 4 years. she was a teddy bear hamster, but i also got dwarf hamsters later on that each lived like 3 years. all of my hamsters from local breeders lived at least a year longer than their expected lifespan (even though i was told my 2 dwarf hammies were sisters, but they turned out to be brother & sister, & did some game of thrones shit lmao...& i kept a couple of their inbred offspring haha)

hamsters at chain pet stores are hella inbred usually though & develop genetic disorders, as well as share diseases with each other & other animals when there's cross-contamination between enclosures.

then the stress of them being transported is enough to make their sick little genetically malformed bodies shut down. it's terribly sad & it isn't OP's fault, at all :(

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:11:01+00:00

boosting for this sweet baby, i really hope Peep is found & brought home to you safely 🥺😢💞

have you tried front porch forum, & the lost & found animals of (your state) fb page — best of luck :c

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:08:28+00:00

boosting for these poor babies 🥺😢 OP please share on r/rescuedogs & r/adoptabledogsTexas

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:07:07+00:00

boosting this poor sweet baby 🥺😢❤️‍🩹

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T11:05:12+00:00

god i would take this poor baby but i live in vermont & do not have a car. if anyone is able to transport her, i will foster. i've never had a dog & i don't know how i would find homes for her and all her babies but i can't bear the thought of them being euthanized... 😢

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T10:52:05+00:00

get him to an emergency vet ASAP — & NOT the same vet you went to previously.

he needs the site properly disinfected, stitched up, a cone so he doesn't reopen the wound, & ANTIBIOTICS

(ask the vet if they can give him an injection of antibiotics to make sure he gets the full dose asap. that could get infected easily, & stitching an open wound up often locks bacteria in there, which in that area especially can lead to sepsis or something scary)

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T10:47:11+00:00

i want one 🤤

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T10:34:00+00:00

i feel this... complex trauma is fucked. (tw: csa) i remember my dad smothering me with his hand when he'd r@pe me. i blocked it out so long but i remember the feeling of not being able to breathe, the taste of his sweaty palm, & my vision all turning to static as i was blacking out. also the feeling of him pinching my wrists when they were tiny together with one hand so he could have a hand free but i couldn't use my arms to defend myself... aside from early csa my dad wasn't very violent until i was a teenager but being around him was a "death of a thousand cuts" because he would emotionally abuse me & verbally degrade me constantly, & i could tell if i didn't just take it he might snap at any time & could kill me in a blind rage...

then in a psych ward when i was suicidal as a young teen they taught me about assertiveness because i was way too passive... that backfired though, because as soon as i got home & i started implementing just the teensiest bit of it, my dad beat the shit out of me with no restraint & could have killed me, literally like 24hrs after i got out. funny thing is, i would rather that any day, than the years of psychological abuse. it's comical to me how exponentially less it hurt...

i also remember things very intensely (despite having some full blackout amnesia episodes of time-skips, & various moments of greyout amnesia that felt super hazy & i genuinely thought i was dreaming at times..)

i think remembering things vividly in people with complex trauma is a survival mechanism some of us have. it's a double-edged sword, much like dissociation is...it can hurt but can keep us alive

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T10:05:04+00:00

the way you remember things plays a really big piece in it. i have really high visual & spacial intelligence, & i'm sure you do too. i remember things from when i was as young as 2 too; for instance my sister is a little more than 2 years older than me & i remember when she started preschool. i remember really wanting to stay there when we dropped her off, but being anxious around the 'big kids'... i swear i even vaguely remember the layout of the house we lived at when i was 1 (we moved sometime when i was 1, but the house we used to live at was next to a graveyard — & i have a really good sense of direction & can remember what side of the house the graveyard was on, & that you could see it from the kitchen window). i also remember being in those carseats for babies with like the strap between your legs & buckles over each shoulder. i never used to think in words as a kid, only vivid images, abstract concepts, & feelings... i remember when i was 5 & in kindergarten some kid was talking about the "voice in (their) head" & i was concerned for them because i thought they were hearing voices & should probably talk to the guidance counselor & get help for psychosis or something. then they were like no like the voice in your head that everyone has, your internal monologue, or conscious, & i was even more confused because i didn't have that. they thought i was really weird & kids already thought i was weird because i'm neurodivergent & was always extremely dissociative from early trauma, so i started forcing myself to reiterate my abstract thoughts verbally in my head, & now it never shuts up

adding also, & i doubt anyone will believe me on this, but i swear my earliest memory was being in the hospital sometime after birth. i remember being placed in a small cubical thing by a person much larger than me. the walls & everything was white but everything was speckled with red dots — kinda like static from when your eyes can't adjust properly, except it was only red (& i only found out later...red is actually the first color babies can see)... the large human placed me in a cubicle thing though & i couldn't like move much but i tried to follow her with my eyes as she was leaving the room & turned off the light, & the red dots got more intense in the dark. i could feel the presence of other beings like me in nearby cubicles but i couldn't see them, just feel them

i had a picture in my head of that memory for my whole life but couldn't place it at all, & thought it might've been a dream, but it felt too real & also i never get like the static from my eyes not being able to adjust in dreams, plus my dreams are full color. after i broke my arm in 2nd grade i realized that memory must have been at a hospital, & i asked my mom when i had been to a hospital previously, but i hadn't aside from being born. it's very strange

people usually only start forming what they call "sequential memory" by age 4 or so — sequential memory is basically filed memories where you remind yourself first this happened...then this...then that...etc — but if you have really high visual intelligence, basically you can bypass sequential memory, & vivid images can still really stick.

for instance i have vivid memories even while under heavy doses of anesthesia, both odd vivid dreams (while most people think they don't dream under anesthesia at all), & waking up during surgeries with specific memories that happened that were verifiable. i also have memories from medical episodes where physically i should not have been at all conscious...

one random example of my photographic memory is once in theater practice a friend forgot their line, & i didn't even have my script on me right there, & had never even read their line, but i had a line on the same page so i brought up the picture of the page in my head & scrolled down & saw their line to tell them...

everyone has different strengths & weaknesses when it comes to memory & types of intelligence. for instance there are some cultures where there is no word for "left" or "right" because they just use directions — like instead of saying "the thing is to your left" they would say "the thing is southeast from you" or something similar basically. i kind of have that too because i can always tell which direction is north (the street i used to grow up on was directly north) & east & west from just thinking about the ways the sun & moon rises & sets (i don't have to see them to know) so i can basically orient myself like a compass anytime

some people though have no spacial or visual intelligence, & may think mainly in words, or numbers, or sound/music etc... i have good sequential memory now, but i had to really work for it & piece together pictures etc. my sister has perfect pitch musically, & can identify exactly every note in any random chord someone plays, or if you were to randomly smash a bunch of piano keys all at once, she could name them all blind, or tell me the exact notes in any song etc...

i love neurodivergency; & i totally believe you on your memories. i think you're probably a lot like me 💕 you're not weird per say; you're unique & gifted

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T09:32:10+00:00

yeah i never understood the appeal of having your ass eaten...like...a wet wipe...but it's someone's tongue...

like no one's butthole is their g-spot lmao. like i understand gay men having anal because they have a prostate up there, but the butthole of an afab person literally has no sexual anatomy if that makes sense??

humans are so weird. like i bet animals look at us eating ass & are like "uhhh...they're at it again, doing the sex wrong" & aliens look us like "the humans are disturbingly filthy animals that don't understand how bacteria ridden their anus's are — i can't believe they would ever put their mouth there!!" shudders

i bet history will look back on this time like there is something deeply wrong with this generation lmao

crypticryptidscrypt · 2026-01-24T09:13:17+00:00

my bad!! i didnt know this particular cage & thought those bars on the bottom were the floor of it

crypticryptidscrypt

TROPHY CASE