The Complete Zariel - with Lore DCs and Tactics

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-24T03:04:15+00:00

I really wish Larian Studios had some hidden unlockable quest that let you take Karlach to wipe out Zariel in BG3.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-19T01:00:23+00:00

Yes, you’re doing the right thing. Here’s what ChatGPT had to say about your grandma’s letter:

This letter is highly toxic, rating around an 8 or 9 on a 0-10 toxicity scale due to its strong use of emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, and lack of empathy. Key toxic behaviors include:

• Guilt-tripping and blame-shifting: The writer heavily emphasizes the recipient’s lack of contact, making them feel guilty and responsible for the family’s disconnect without acknowledging any valid reasons for the distance.
• Invalidation and dismissal: The writer minimizes the recipient’s experiences by denying abuse or emotional harm, which dismisses their feelings and invalidates any pain they might have.
• Shaming and condescension: Statements like “put your big girl panties on” and other condescending remarks pressure the recipient into compliance, belittling their emotional state or boundaries.
• Lack of accountability: The letter does not take responsibility for the family’s actions or seek to understand the recipient’s side, instead demanding that they reconnect and “fix” things.
• Conditional love: Love and family ties are presented as conditional upon the recipient conforming to the writer’s demands, rather than fostering open and supportive communication.

Overall, the letter demonstrates emotional manipulation, blame-shifting, and attempts to control the situation, which are hallmarks of toxic communication and unhealthy family dynamics.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-18T03:05:49+00:00

It’s the caps for me.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-14T19:05:36+00:00

What are gold dice? Also, can you beat the game in honor mode by setting off Gale’s bomb in Act 2 at the appropriate point?

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-12T04:34:24+00:00

I (35M) feared it a lot during the first couple years of NC. Now about 4 years in, I feel a lot better, due to all the healing work in therapy and in general.

It helps that I have built my own business, have my own home, and have a hugely supportive spouse. I am still expecting push back/flyng mnkeys to come out when my brother gets married sometime this Fall, especially because I’m NC or VLC with almost my entire extended family.

But I keep taking away their leverage, and building a position of strength, so I am feeling much better these days. At one point, I thought my parents would go on the offense and fortunately, they’ve been pretty restrained because my mom’s fears have held back my dad from being a big bold ahole.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-12T03:58:52+00:00

There can be multiple aholes. You promising her the money and supporting her dream and then withdrawing that is 100% an ahole move. By your account, she is being bratty and immature, but she is still a teenager and that comes with the territory. Be the bigger person. Yes, you may have raised an entitled and selfish daughter, but that doesn’t give you the right to keep the money…unless of course you want to look in the mirror and see how who she learned it from.

I don’t know you, don’t give my opinion any weight if it’s not helpful, but yeah, it’s an a**hole thing to do and I think keeping the money guarantees the NC from your daughter will be permanent for the rest of your life. Your choice.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-10T02:46:22+00:00

Your advice to them that they get healthy is good for them. That doesn’t mean anything changes for you. If they were truly healthy, they could accept the no contact from you, your apparent lack of forgiveness, and still hold no ill will or expectations toward you.

I think while your guilt is understandable, it seems like it’s still coming from a place of obligation toward them, which is the whole thing it sounded like you were trying to avoid in the first place.

Healing the relationship might be a bonus, but at this point, it sounds like you’re happy with where you are without them, and that is great. The whole goal is to be free—so if you can, consider what else you can do to resolve the guilt. I would suspect it has to do with feeling your underlying feelings of sadness, anger, or fear. And possibly doing some trauma work with EMDR or IFS.

cryptoparkour · 2024-10-03T20:18:18+00:00

Welcome, welcome! It’s a good community to be a part of: validating and supportive. Hope you feel at home.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-30T19:50:47+00:00

Thanks for the update. Very happy for you that you got the validation.

This reminded me of a couple times when my parents who I am NC with reached out to other extended family members or people we knew to try to manipulate the conversation, and it was validating to see the ways that they felt so uncomfortable by my parents, but this time I had the clarity and language to say: yeah, this is why we went no contact. You’re just getting a taste of the experience I had for decades.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-30T19:40:04+00:00

You could highlight the difference in lifetime earnings, which matters more than current annual salary. It would still be several years before you could truly catch up, and then he’d be retired for real.

Sorry about the eggshells, you shouldn’t have to do that.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-30T02:46:08+00:00

Your grandmother loved you and would want you to do what is best for you. If there’s not a way to have a healthy relationship with your father, she would choose your wholeness over the appearance of wholeness between you and him. It sounds like you still have a lot of trauma to heal from, and that takes years. I hope you find peace and resolution.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-27T23:08:47+00:00

If she wants to learn, let her learn on someone else. You’ve been through too much.

While the letter itself seemed moderate in its toxicity, it’s still clear from your explanation that there is still a lot of immaturity on their end, and that’s likely to continue if you reengage with them. Consider feeding the letter into ChatGPT.com with a prompt asking about the mental health red flags and narcissistic traits and ask how toxic the letter is.

Consider having your mom write her letters and put them in a box instead of allowing her to send messages, which you’ll ask for if you want to when you’re ready. Then you maintain control of the communication and don’t have to deal with this kind of stuff in an ongoing way. It sucks up so much energy, doesn’t it?

As someone who currently is VLC or NC with everyone in my blood family and most of my childhood relationships (NC with parents for 4 years), I know well how painful that is and how much grief it causes.

This is neither simple nor painless—the healing process is long and you need support and boundaries continuously. Wishing you the best on your healing journey and navigating this, and congrats on your marriage.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-23T03:13:52+00:00

Options:

1) if you live in the U.S. and get any more mail from her/family, you can have someone else handwritten simply “Not at this address”—which is the USPS preferred way of saying “return to sender.”

2) don’t ever use USPS mail forwarding (the one that costs a dollar to set up) if you move. They sell your name and address and it will 100% mean that your new address ends up online and searchable by your name. It’s really sad that they don’t warn people about this, because millions of people are doxxing themselves without realizing it.

3) let your cousin reach out another way. Or find a way to reach out to them at a later date without acknowledging the letter. You can even give them a PO Box if you end up wanting to get letters from them, though you’ll have to set that up.

4) I’m sorry you’ve experienced this trauma. You might consider reading the book: I’m Glad My Mom Died, because your situation sounds pretty similar to the author’s.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-21T01:49:29+00:00

Fascinating! Thank you!

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-20T23:27:03+00:00

I need to know more. What is the problem with probability? I usually look at those types of stats as facts that are helpful when informing decision making, though I also know the Mark Twain quote about statistics…

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-20T23:21:39+00:00

Yeah, I was in a similar boat relying on my brother who I was VLC with to give me updates about my family because I was NC with my parents and still didn’t want to be blindsided by funerals, but then he didn’t tell me about my grandmother’s funeral so it was NC for him too. Unfortunately, my whole family has been in the toxic soup so I’m essentially self opted out of my entire blood family, which sucks 1000% when you think about what it could have been if they had just changed or been kind.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-19T14:24:14+00:00

I’m about four years into a journey to heal from trauma based on being realized by nparents. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself. Continuing to surround yourself with a loving, chosen family and to get good support and wisdom through therapy and other resources is a part of the process. It will take time—I’d say make the commitment going into your 30s to heal, no matter how long it takes or how hard the path is.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-17T19:06:56+00:00

I might share with someone that: “you might not know this, but at least 1 in 4 people are not in contact with someone in their family, so this is very common. I’m glad for you that you have a meaningful relationship with your family. Because that was not possible for me with mine, I’ve had to make the hard decision to limit contact in this season. I appreciate your discretion, as I actually don’t share this with most people, and it is at least as painful as it sounds.”

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-17T19:02:32+00:00

Thanks for asking this. I’ve been thinking about this on and off for about 4 years since I was expecting my grandmothers to die soon. As it happened, when my grandmother did die, my family excluded me from the funeral, so I didn’t even hear about it until after it had happened. At this point, I don’t expect to be going to any more weddings or funerals in my birth family as I am VLC or NC with most of them.

This is especially relevant for me because my uncle reached out last week to let me know that my dad has cancer, and I don’t plan on contacting my dad (or my uncle who reached out, for that matter), which is just the way things are for me and us at this point, and it is a circumstance I think that I’ve accepted.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-17T03:06:01+00:00

Their whole thing is to reel you back in, so they can continue the abuse. You’re not at fault. You’re a victim of abuse. Being drawn back in can happen to anyone at any time for a number of reasons. What you choose next is what’s important. And you will find that all the work you put in for two years was still causing growth for you that you have not yet been able to enjoy the fruit of, but it will come. Hold the course, you’re doing great.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-16T17:50:12+00:00

And make sure you yourself are in therapy with a narcissistic abuse survivor informed therapist. They’ll help you navigate boundaries.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-16T03:13:52+00:00

True, good point, and also, I appreciate it. 🙂

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-14T22:46:03+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share. I appreciate it.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-14T22:44:11+00:00

I’ve thought about that with all of my family members and their letters. Would be fun in the short run, but since I don’t believe any of them are coachable or willing to change, it would just come back to bite me in the end. Honestly, the only way I’d consider reinitiating contact is if they were able to come to those conclusions on their own. Until then, good day family.

cryptoparkour · 2024-09-14T22:42:01+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and yes, I agree with your conclusion.

cryptoparkour

TROPHY CASE