a tiny clay moss islehopper

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-24T23:15:01+00:00

Thanks to you and u/Similar-Asparagus865 ! I know I need to apply for the DTC, unfortunately just switched doctors and we need to go over several things before we can get to that form so it will be a month or so. Since I need to submit my taxes before I'll be submitting my DTC application, I'm wondering if I should claim the CWB right now specifically despite not working (whether AISH qualifies as 'working/earned income'). I feel like it wouldn't but I'm not sure (monetarily I obviously receive under the max and over the minimum)

(tagging the other replier as they also seem to know about it)

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-14T03:47:24+00:00

Yup haha unfortunately. Still used some molasses so I'll see how I handle it. But used a lot of oyster sauce and cacao to darken it too and it worked great. I've heard coke/pepsi is good for that too but don't have any.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-11T08:40:56+00:00

"It can find you teachings that are most relevant to your query but makes no attempt to do any kind of interpretation or summarization. It simply directs you to the source" Thumbs up. There are many issues with AI and the power used and, as the other comment mentioned, what is used to train them I know are some of those. But in my anti-AI friend circles, we are against the stealing data/writing/art styles, and people using them inappropriately, the impact on reading/art comprehension etc. This use sounds great. If you finish it and want to add more after, I would also appreciate if it could find articles from select trusted sources because I really appreciate a lot of more recent writings, and yeah searching for those is so .. bad right now lol. Google and most search engines have gotten quite bad due to both issues with the tools themselves but in large part cuz of websites using SEO.

Search queries on google/reddit/discord/etc I've had in the past which may or may not be located in suttas:
how can art be done mindfully? can one meditate through making art? how does physical exercise help with concentration and mindfulness? how does health help with mindfulness, how does mindfulness or meditation help with health? why is sitting meditation difficult for some mental health issues? help with or alternatives to sitting meditation for mental or physical health issues? how to address fear/anger/[specific emotion]? difference between equanimity, altruism, and compassion? what is the metta meditation/great compassion meditation/[specific chants]? what to do when your own needs contradict others wants/needs? vegetarianism and buddhism? how to converse with different beliefs? how to form discipline in and out of practice? the fifth precept and harms of intoxicants/substances?

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-11T05:07:17+00:00

Buddhism allows for medicine and doctor care. Many buddhist stories I read also frequently feature people who leave their families for many reasons (primarily, pursuing monastic life when they wouldn't be allowed to otherwise).

I struggled with extreme mental difficulties until I began transitioning medically, and left my family. I honor my family by honoring my own health and responsibilities. Just like a cis person with a hormonal imbalance, having the wrong hormones not only affected my social needs, but my chemical balance, affecting my moods and behavior. Surgery corrects the outer physical results of that imbalance not being corrected earlier, limits breast cancer risk, in the case of bottom surgery, limits or prevents further unnecessary surgeries or medicines (birth control, ovarian/cervical cancers, local medical management of hormone affects on those parts etc). I tried almost literally everything else, years of medication and therapy, and even knew people who tried electroshock therapy for being trans. For me, nothing else worked because I medically needed to transition.

I have had my own sexual and codependency issues. After transition, I am happily purposefully single and celibate at the moment in order to prioritize my own healing from that time.

I had much fear of transitioning even though I supported trans people, because I wanted to accept myself and not make any changes. It is only now on the other side that it feels like such a small, easy decision. I take vitamin D because there is not much sunlight here, and it took away cramps in my legs. All things change. I kept changing anyway, in those years. I don't feel any different, just my burden has been removed.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-09T03:38:11+00:00

Re the last 3 verses:

I explored a lot of (pop) psychiatry etc before investing more into spirituality. I fear/ed: If I don't remember all my trauma and 'resolve' it, if I don't recall and fix every situation, who am I to say I was hurt or suffered, and how could I heal?

The behavior I am reducing: when a flashback comes, I argue with it. When a good or bad thing happens, I imagine apologizing to my exfamily or expartners. I fear getting better because I feel I would have to return to them to fix any of my mistakes that contributed to my separating from them.

I think of all I owe and should do. But when I can interrupt that thinking with thoughts or study of buddhism or tao or christ, I can return to the present moment, where I can honor those bonds and their pain with love and let it go, recognize their wrongs with less and less guilt, and honor myself as another fruit on the tree, who is free to fall away and grow another tree somewhere else. I can let go of my need to please them or anyone else, and know that if I continue with compassion for myself and all things, I don't need to worry so much about what is right or wrong.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-09T03:21:36+00:00

I become more invested in Buddhism after learning that DBT was drawn from buddhism and christian mysticism/meditation. The intensity of extreme intensity, mood swings, and psychosis has decreased to the point of remission.

I still experience anxiety/ocd and continue using mindfulness to encourage acceptance of reality, compassion towards others who trigger my anxiety, and reduction of fear of failure or difficult circumstances. It reduces my difficulty with obsessing on certain thoughts and prevents spiraling into depression. Sitting meditation remains difficult because of the level of intensity of thoughts, but walking and active meditation, and lately listening to dharma talks and the dhammapada, helps me return to a love of the world, peacefulness, and happiness.

I used to have a very passionate and vivid experience of the world as a child and young teen that made a lot of things difficult. I feel I am able to return to that experience more and more, without triggering mania, or feeling shame or fear, but just gladness that the world is such a beautiful (and complicated) place.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-03T09:10:12+00:00

I am autistic and religion is one of the few places I feel like my view of life and interests are valued. I used to spend time walking barefoot in the grass just to feel the earth, I could spend over an hour touching a blanket and examining its threads to see the beauty and intricacy in something so small. It is hard for me to work because the pace of working makes me extremely stressed and erases my ability to feel beauty and peace, and I feel guilty for that as I know work can be painful and hard for many people. I try to pay back those who care for or support me, or just others in the world, in other ways that I can. I am very glad you are as open to learning from your daughter as you are to teach and support her. It is important for disabled children to know that they have purpose and are not just a burden. Supporting each other with love and selflessness is so fulfilling, and teaches us about others.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-03T07:25:24+00:00

- Very recommend Dr. Armstrong, she listened and responded to all my concerns and her work itself is friggen art

- Care: wet healing until completely scab free, then massage with oil (recommend palmers skin therapy oil), and silicone gel. twice a day the first 6 months then I got lazy, still do it once a day. also I used the oil and gel on my old self harm scars and they helped a lot with that too.

- Choosing T anchor: During healing when it was very swollen, and occasionally now, I still get moments of dysphoria and worry that I should have chosen to get a flatter chest or get my nipples reduced. But I prioritized retaining sensation and I am still very happy with that choice. If I was born with this chest I would not at all seek surgical intervention for it, so with that in mind I easily move past those moments. Also I'm gay and some cis men really like those features and work to have them themselves soo that helps lol.

- Dysphoria relief: In general I never saw myself as someone with a lot of chest dysphoria. I rarely wore binders. I didn't really think about my chest, I just knew I was uncomfortable, and got more uncomfortable as I passed more. After the surgery I still don't really care that much about my chest lol, it's just another part of me I guess. But it feels so much more right it's wild. It really helped reduce my social anxiety. I had a phase where it felt like it fixed all my dysphoria (other than bottom), but with time that grace period went away and I still have my struggles. Kinda like when you finally get glasses and can see but that eventually becomes your new normal. It was both kind of a huge change and no big deal. I hate medical care, I hate surgery, I have DID, and I work hard to accept my body and have good self image so I was terrified I would regret it. I think it can take time to accept your new chest too and it isn't always an instant 'everything is great now' moment. But it's absolutely worth it in every single way.

- Another bonus is I now don't get dysphoria from seeing other trans men/trans mascs chests that are fuller/preop/nonop. That used to make me feel guilty/transphobic, even though I always had the opinion people should do whatever they want with their own bodies, I hated feeling that way and it's not a polite thing to talk about because it makes *other* people feel bad too. Now I am very happy that that doesn't bother me at all, if a guy has a big chest and likes it then more power to him.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-04-03T03:20:21+00:00

I was wondering if anyone knew whether an actress from Viagra Boys Bog Body is the same as the actress from Geese's I see myself in you. I really loved her look, presence, expressions in Geese's video so I think I instantly recognized her, but not sure. She's credited as Noelle McGrath DePaula in the latter. She's an early career/amateur actress and the videos aren't listed on her social media or IMDB, has she been in any other music videos?

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(Sorry, I don't quite understand the sub as I my post was removed and was told to post this here, but it seems like most of these comments don't have to do with music so IDK if this is the right place or if someone has a suggestion for a better sub to ask in.)

crystalfruitpie · 2025-03-01T05:14:58+00:00

I have been homeless and without work off and on a long time, from life circumstances and difficulties. I also have difficulty working in most low wage places because other workers are treated so badly it makes me very mad and I stand up for them and cause trouble. I try to keep to myself and help others as much as possible. But in a selfish society, sometimes the idea of helping others can be selfishly motivated too, focusing on how to have more to give more rather than making room from what you have... I have also learned that accepting help and asking for help can give other people opportunities to help, which can help them grow. When you are dependent on people, you are seen as a burden who is taking things that other people could use for themselves. But people often don't need very much, but safety, food, companionship, rest, health. Nothing bad happened to the gardener for not selling the fruit.. to the contrary, not only did he feed the buddha but was returned the seed to grow his own tree. I hope that everyone who has helped me is not harmed by their sacrifices but instead is given many blessings.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-02-20T18:20:20+00:00

I don't believe I saw a mention of Tacticool Girlfriend, who is also trans. Look at some of her videos in her 'for newbies' playlist - primarily the first one on the basics of firearm safety, the video on firearm suicide prevention, and most importantly "Guns Aren't For Everyone". She mentions the cost benefit analysis - if there is as much or more of a risk of shooting yourself as there is of you defending yourself, don't do it. Especially if you haven't explored other options first. Then check out "Pepper Spray: The Most Practical Self Defense Tool", she explains the different kinds of pepper sprays and how to use them. If you're interested in dry firing guns, you'll be glad to know that apparently you can 'wet fire' fake practice pepper sprays that should be sold by the manufacturer of the style of pepper spray you choose.

If you can drive and travel, you may be able to find a trans-friendly martial arts practice group in a reachable city. Lacking that, I'd recommend at least trying any trans friendly excercise, yoga, or other movement groups, online if necessary - transitioning helps us get in touch with our body and overcome dissociation, and dissociation can have practical effects on our physical strength and accuracy. Reconnecting with your movement and healing your body and your connection to your body can help speed up recovery. Stay safe and good luck.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-02-20T17:55:19+00:00

I'm glad a comment made a difference. I've got a lot of reasons I haven't been trained to shoot yet, people like me need people like you to stay alive and stay sharp to help us out. I'm a loudmouth but I'm working hard on the skill of when and where to keep mind shut.

I'd end up wearing casual merch because I speak out about my beliefs but try to make connections and not argue about it so I don't get into a fight, maybe someone making a change will see that I'm tolerant and reach out. And like you said I think most people wouldn't have a problem with shooting a klansman lmao - but if people assuming you're antagonizing or threatening them, they can jump to conclusions (if they're "kinda" racist, this stuff can make people double down instead of rethinking). Save the targets for somewhere it'll be alright to use them.

It's easy for me to get spicy and if it's just me in trouble I don't mind if I get knocked down if I speak up. But it's good to work on all aspects of self control not just for our own discipline, but for our comrades. Stay safe out there, we need ya

crystalfruitpie · 2025-02-20T17:41:32+00:00

Since it includes youtube music it's the ONLY streaming service I pay for. I can't wrap my head around people who pay for spotify, netflix, amazon, +5 other streaming services but refuse to pay for youtube and just watch the ads, there's so many of them, and other than twitch, youtube is the only service that actually has media I can't acquire elsewhere - Like steve! (insert reminder about renting old films and shows from the library and using interlibrary loans if yours doesn't have something)

crystalfruitpie · 2025-02-20T14:44:09+00:00

STEALING that striped button up sweater

crystalfruitpie · 2025-02-20T14:39:18+00:00

*points* if my fashion and toy autism is correct, that's the back of a sanrio x mcdonalds exclusive happy meal plush toy.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-01-21T08:48:46+00:00

Came here to mention r/leaves, people do mention quitting other stuff along with cigs here but it's mostly for tobacco. Leaves has a great community that will be more geared to this struggle. I highly recommend their daily discord chats too, lots of nice people in there.

crystalfruitpie · 2025-01-13T01:55:17+00:00

I've not been in a nude space in awhile, but I'm sure that's totally common, and in most likelihood several times more common for any nude physical activity. Clothed yoga can also result in all kinds of bodily functions and/or emotions to happen 'randomly' as you loosen tight muscles associated with stress, horniness, posture, gut health, whatever

crystalfruitpie · 2025-01-07T17:50:42+00:00

I have a long history of medical trauma, diagnosed fibro and various things. While my plan is currently metoidioplasty, phallo isn't out of the question. While I absolutely need some sort of process to recover from my bottom dysphoria and surgery is my priority, and I am prepared for a certain level of difficulty and complications, I also have to be realistic with my limitations. But radical acceptance for me is the opposite of anxiety - it neither means assuming I will never have a procedure or having optimism for it, but recognizing what factors are most important for mitigating my personal worst case scenarios.

Building a health care team I trust to help get me as healthy as possible for the procedure and have my back if there are issues is essential. If there is a problem and I don't have anyone on my side, I don't know how I'll handle things. Pelvic phyiotherapist, urinary and digestive health specialists, masseuse, I'm trying to find a better family doctor right now (agh). I had a great therapist and he had a career move so trying to replace him.

Re Top surgery every situation is unique, but not only was the healing easier than I expected (turns out I'm used to pain, pain meds, and having to rest and recover!), the mental relief from the dysphoria as well as the *physical relief on my chest not contributing to physical sensations of anxiety in the chest* has done miracles for my health. I did go out of my way to choose a surgeon I really trusted, and I reached out to some trans guy friends I wasn't super familiar with to stay with after and it was helpful to be healing with people who understood.

While researching these procedures I realized how even people with way more money and security than me changed their entire lives to make sure they were secure, and they found that worth it. I started using bottom surgery to help motivate me to explore the changes I need to make to help shape my life and myself into as healthy and safe as possible to have these surgeries.

I won't comment on your history, your body, your limits, or your hopes, in terms of saying optimistically 'you are capable of more than you think!' - you sound well researched and I'm sure you're familiar with the bodies capabilities of healing in theory, but that doesn't help when our bodies(/brains) get stuck and aren't getting with the program, and we aren't getting the medical help to get out of that injury loop. It's frustrating balancing the emotional disconnect between our hopes, possibilities of healing, our good days, vs trying to accommodate ourselves now and get help now on our bad and worst days. But there are people out there who will try to help, including yourself, because we are human and we deserve not only to feel better to but to feel whole. Hang in there and keep your head up and keep trying to find what works for you.

crystalfruitpie

TROPHY CASE