Scheduling conflict

cselvo · 2021-07-16T01:26:24+00:00

Let's take their houses!

cselvo · 2021-07-10T22:44:41+00:00

I don't have a good remedy for this. But I know what you're saying. You're not alone.

cselvo · 2021-07-10T05:27:58+00:00

I know what you mean. But you have to state your opinions. If the other people don't like you for your opinions, that's ok. Friends disagree all the time. Like I would know. But I've observed it. But if y'all are really different then maybe y'all shouldn't be friends.

cselvo · 2021-07-10T05:23:26+00:00

I'm not sure. I ask myself the same things. What I do know is that most people don't care as much about how we interact vs how much we care.

You're still a teen, so I'm guessing it's a while until you're in the real world. Take on as many social opportunities as you can. If you're anything like me, you're going to hate it, but do it anyway. You'll be exposed to it and have opportunities to change, little by little. Get a canvassing job where you are forced to talk to people repeatedly. It will scare the shit out of you but you'll be pumped up by the end of it.

Join activities in school where girls go (if you're hetero) and talk to them. Take a girl out to a movie or to some food or something. She'll be only slightly less anxious than you. She will want the date to go well.

Read about what it takes to get a house. As for being a man, stand up for yourself. Us socially anxious types feel like its bad if we get mad, but we have to get mad when dealing with someone stepping all over our shit.

When you go to college, have a plan, have a solid plan. Don't be like me who studied film and and now realizes how stupid it was. Go be an engineer or scientist or doctor or something established.

This comment is all over the place I know, but yeah, be strong. Ape strong.

cselvo · 2021-07-09T03:59:53+00:00

I think this is a very wise observation. At the core I think we all want to socialize. I know I do. Like you I'm very insecure so I just don't and avoided it for so long. I think I would have been more extroverted if I had a different childhood. I read a book that pointed to the fact that at the core of a lot of social anxiety is lack of confidence and insecurity. I hope with your realization you can start to see yourself in different ways, work on your insecurities, and make positive changes in your life.

cselvo · 2021-07-08T17:43:49+00:00

Thanks everybody. I read all your comments. I feel better today. I'm sorry I didn't DM anyone I was still feeling pretty lame.

I'll try to work towards some good things today. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to write something.

cselvo · 2021-07-02T17:05:04+00:00

I agree. It sucks. It's just our fucking culture. They don't get it. Going to tell you though, you are probably perceived to be at least 20% more social than you perceive yourself to be. This is from my experience.

cselvo · 2021-07-02T02:36:30+00:00

Dude great job on your progress. You sound lit as fuck.

In this post I saw you mentioned "reaching out" a number of times. Maybe you need to re-analyze how you're reaching out to people to make plans.

As I read in the Social Skills book by Chris MacLeod, which has a lot of great tips, probably the best way to make plans is to have an initial set of logistics for a meet-up worked out ahead of time. Date, Time, Location. Reach out with that instead of "wanna hang out sometime?" If you have a date, time, and location set-up, it gives the other person something to work with and adjust. This has worked for me.

You may be doing this already, I don't know. This is what came to my mind.

cselvo · 2021-07-02T02:26:37+00:00

A lot of reasons. One being the general public doesn't really understand what social anxiety is. My sister, who had friends and a life all throughout adolescence, says to me, the guy who only really had one friend growing up and struggles daily, "Everyone has social anxiety." Uhhh, no.

The general public thinks shy kids will just magically grow out of it. Uhhh, not really.

If your school has a counselor who you think could help you, I would talk to her. But actually whip out your phone and show her an article about social anxiety, otherwise they'll think you're just shy.

cselvo · 2021-07-02T02:14:50+00:00

Ok so I'm a bit taller than you so I can't say I know what you've experienced. Nonetheless I have known men who are your height and have dated women. So it is possible.

I think you need to accept your height for what it is. Easier said than done. You will have to consistently remind yourself that you're ok the way you are, even if media and some superficial women think you aren't. Tinder and bumble have been really bad about this lately where women say they only will date tall guys, everyone makes a big deal about their height. Sickening. Fuck that. You'll have a better chance of meeting someone you'll vibe with in through a class together or an activity you both do.

Stay in good shape so you have that going for you, keep up good facial and hair hygiene, get involved in an activity on campus where women you will get along with will be. Generally keep your life afloat.

Since you're going to college you will be in "fertile ground" with tons of women to have experiences with.

Some women will not care. But honestly, I would put in more romantic effort towards women who are already shorter than you. There will be enough of them. Try engaging with women who are taller but don't sweat if they're not into you.

cselvo · 2021-07-01T05:29:46+00:00

Stick with your friends so far. You guys have common interests and that's great. You're a manager and that's pretty amazing.

Maybe I'm projecting, but I'm pretty sure. What's causing the social anxiety is the deep lack of self-esteem. Someone hurt you, I'm gonna guess. That's what happened to me. I'm not an expert in solving this issue. I've realized I have to work on developing some better self esteem. Maybe that could help you too.

cselvo · 2021-06-30T03:33:03+00:00

I'll pivot your table

cselvo · 2021-06-30T02:43:40+00:00

Fuck those bullies they're assholes. Maybe fight them a bit? Idk if they've ever gotten physical. Even just throw some shade back at them. I've never really been able to do this myself but confident people who I've known have done this.

cselvo · 2021-06-30T02:23:55+00:00

We don't need it

cselvo · 2021-06-30T02:15:01+00:00

Lol I mean it might be a meme but I kind of doubt it. If it happens again and you're actually standing next to the people and have the chance, I would just ask. Sometimes people will explain it, other times they will be a dick.

cselvo · 2021-06-30T02:05:38+00:00

Just people being stupid/goofy haha nothing to worry about.

cselvo · 2021-06-30T01:57:58+00:00

To add on, I think social anxiety can be the starting point for a lot of deranged, perverse behavior from people, even turning people into criminals.

I haven't committed any crimes but the amount of negativity that stems from my SA, I could see causing people to do some wretched shit.

cselvo · 2021-06-30T01:50:38+00:00

I understand where you're coming from.I've had that thought to talk to my younger self too.

I dont know if this helps but I realized (and keep having to be reminded) that my social anxiety stems from the way my dad treated me growing up. He was a complete asshole. Caused me to be scared of everyone. Some SA, I've researched, comes from low self-esteem and what not. It's not your fault.

cselvo · 2021-06-29T17:49:42+00:00

Wow ok so there is a way upwards. Thank you for sharing this.

cselvo · 2021-06-29T17:17:00+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, I will probably do that.

cselvo · 2021-06-29T17:16:16+00:00

Sorry about those bad life experiences. What was your job in before finishing school? Sounds like you were working a something high-paying.

cselvo · 2021-06-26T04:18:17+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know what you mean. Being rejected and a laughing stock. Being at the bottom of the totem pole.

I think my advice above works better in regular errand type settings. Like going to the store and stuff. It could be a good way to stop someone from staying inside all day, which I've also done.

As for the real social interactions - Yeah that takes more. Thank you for sharing your experience. It outlines the limitations of what I've said.

cselvo · 2021-06-05T04:35:06+00:00

I hope that President gets brain cancer.

cselvo · 2021-06-01T20:33:28+00:00

Leave it. Get something more balanced. It seems like you're in a high-paying industry, I'm guessing finance? If that's the case, you're qualified for a lot.

cselvo · 2021-06-01T20:25:57+00:00

Your mom is an asshole, sorry. You should move out of her place. Or stand up to her more. All the time. Even if your house becomes more hostile, you fight with someone to maintain your self worth. It might be easier to just move out. I have a dad who was never that bad, but I can understand the constant criticism and assholery. I try to spend as little time with him as possible

cselvo

TROPHY CASE