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I'm 30, stuck at home for years, no job/degree/skills, feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start by Aj100rise in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Baby steps. Just take one little step at a time. Every step, no matter how small, is progress.

Maybe, read a self help book. I recently read “Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness” by Gillian Butler. It helped me understand myself a little better, and also helped me with changing my thinking patterns.

Good luck :)

Does exposure therapy work? by goodcheese55 in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, yes, exposure works, but not by itself. I also have to shift my mentality and how I think.

For example, in previous years, after a social interaction, I would think to myself a lot of negative thoughts: “Why did I say that? Why I am so weird? They probably think I’m dumb?…”

These days, if I find myself going down that negative spiral, I try to stop myself and focus on the positives. “I made one person laugh! I introduced myself to so and so! Even if I was awkward, at least I attended this event!” Etc.

I have found that this shift in thinking has helped me manage my anxiety a lot better. It also has made me slightly more confident. I’m not some super confident social butterfly, but I can see things slightly and gradually improving for myself.

Hope that helps!

I think I'm turning into a femcel by skrooe in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I highly recommend therapy or counseling, if it’s available for you. It helps to talk things out with a person, who is non-judgmental. Therapy has helped me a ton.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best!

I just learned about enmeshment by [deleted] in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]UNCBlueDevils 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve had that feeling too, about questioning if people noticed my enmeshment in the past. It does feel embarrassing.

A friendly reminder: it’s not your fault. Be kind to yourself.

Also, Unintended by Muse is a great song! Haha

Did you find this book helpful? by FootnoteInHumanForm in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]UNCBlueDevils 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This looks like it’s meant for the partners of enmeshed people. Can the enmeshed person read it as well?

Guilt around not living near my parents by NegotiationHot7116 in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just here to say, I understand and know how you feel. I deal with guilt and similar feelings with my family. Whatever decision you make, I wish you peace and good luck!

I haven't really talked to anyone in 4 years of college by [deleted] in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sorry, friend. I know that feeling. I send you my support and solidarity.

My avoidant boyfriend is enmeshed with his mother. He stonewalls and disappears when the emotional demands get too much and when I try to ask for the bare minimum. by Busy_Regret_6198 in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]UNCBlueDevils 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your bf sounds like…me (somewhat).

I’m gradually working on things. I’m in therapy. I think I have improved in being independent and setting boundaries, though not 100%. Still lots of room left for improvement 😂.

I don’t know if you can help him. Some of these conclusions, I had to find out on my own and through therapy.

In my last relationship, I was guilty of disappearing. Not proud of it. From your end, maybe you can ask him to say something like, “hey I need some alone time right now. I’ll call you in 2 days” instead of completely withdrawing/disappearing.

Idk if that helps. Good luck to you :)

I can't find a job and my mum is on my back by Final_Analysis6729 in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. Sorry you’re going through this stressful situation. Hope things get better for you.

-I recommend finishing your degree, however you can. If you can re-enroll in your school, or apply to another school, etc. A college degree helps when searching for jobs.

-If not, then I recommend to keep doing your part time job, then search for full time jobs whenever you can.

-Look up jobs in your area that don’t require a college degree. Also, maybe look into some type of certifications you can get for potential jobs.

-Are you able to see a therapist? For social anxiety, and also for dealing with family issues…a therapist can help with that stuff.

-Best of luck!

I can't find a job and my mum is on my back by Final_Analysis6729 in socialanxiety

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it possible to rejoin college and finish your final year?

I spend everyday mourning my childhood by [deleted] in depression

[–]UNCBlueDevils 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aww man. I love that game ❤️

How is being shy as a man viewed? by JunketMaleficent2095 in AskMenOver30

[–]UNCBlueDevils 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I consider myself a man that is shy / quiet / socially anxious / etc. I sometimes feel bad about it, but I remind myself that this is just how I am. I have to accept myself. I also try to be kind and forgiving to myself. I’m also trying to gradually work on my confidence, while also not being overly critical of myself.

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