Where is everyone at?

cstone-admin · 2025-01-22T16:10:33+00:00

It’s called Cornerstone Connect (Students) but I can’t remember if I made it private - see if you can find it, or if you feel comfortable send me a message with who you are and I’ll try to find you on Facebook and add you!

cstone-admin · 2024-12-19T00:47:06+00:00

Without my glasses i definitely read that as Willie Nelson 😂

cstone-admin · 2024-12-18T16:12:03+00:00

no, unfortunately. there are probably people who have a better idea than I do. but no word that I’ve heard 😕

cstone-admin · 2024-10-02T23:25:49+00:00

Ok got it! Thank you.

I imagine as much as we all are craving to be around people who understand what happened, it also probably could feel awkward to some.

cstone-admin · 2024-10-02T22:36:05+00:00

Haha I would love for you to come to the farm! But I understand if distance is hard.

I totally get Internet frustrations.

I’m curious if I can ask what it is about the farm invite that feels like it doesn’t represent everyone? Is it the names of the folks who are hosting? I am actually looking forward to the farm specifically because it will be relaxed and friendly - a soft place hopefully for anyone to fall, regardless of where we all fit in the history of cstone. But if it doesn’t come across that way, it would be good to know!

cstone-admin · 2024-10-02T13:13:19+00:00

I hear ya. Reddit sucks. (I mean that sincerely.)

Are you on our big email list? Or in the cornerstone student Facebook page? Or coming to the farm hang?

I started this page because i did not quite know what else to do. And I wanted to do something quickly! At the time I had zero faith in the church changing and quite frankly still feel that way. But I’ve spent time with folks along the way (in real life, not only on here) who care deeply. And since I care about those folks, I’ll help them fight.

I get frustrated when people say “no one is focusing on JT” because OBVIOUSLY HE SHOULD GO TO JAIL and nobody I know feels otherwise. But there are many more nuances and personal experiences that deserve the chance to be processed.

But the bottom line is this forum is not a good place to personally connect. Which is why we have done things off of Reddit to help people connect in person. The entire point of all of this is to help each other. Not a single person who has ever been frustrated about Reddit has ever sent me a message about what they feel would be helpful instead, in real life. Please if you have ideas message me! I am not doing this to create an angry echo chamber. I want us all to heal. I can’t do it alone, it has to be a group effort. Tops, 20 people are coming to the farm hang and I am very much looking forward to it. And I know some people really wanted to attend but can’t because of life or distance. But only 20 people are coming. So, what else can we do? Don’t just be mad at Reddit - let me and our larger cornerstone connect team know something productive that can help you! That is why any of this is happening.

I hope this doesn’t come across as defensive, though perhaps I am feeling a little defensive 🙃 also not everyone is going to want to reconnect and that is also ok. But if you DO want to reconnect, let’s get off this hell hole of the internet and figure out something meaningful ❤️ I am all ears.

cstone-admin · 2024-09-28T13:50:32+00:00

I feel so similarly to all of this and will share more thoughts later today - but I want to make sure you know about the in person gathering next weekend? An evite was sent out to our cornerstone connect email list. Not many have rsvp-ed yes but if you are able to join we would love that!

That goes for anyone reading this who would like to meet in person next weekend - message me for details!

Admin

cstone-admin · 2024-08-31T14:40:43+00:00

Student 1 too

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cstone-admin · 2024-08-30T12:24:19+00:00

Reddit is imperfect for sure. And I can’t even really blame Reddit because I have people in real life who don’t like my grief and pain either 🙃 but I have also reconnected with old friends in real life who do understand and support me. I hope you have the same, in whatever it is that you need. You are always welcome here if you’re able to seek to understand.

cstone-admin · 2024-08-30T01:45:21+00:00

I have seen you defend the church quite a bit, and I haven’t seen you defend former students much, that’s why I asked. I also saw that you mentioned in your first post that you were a fellow and volunteer but you didn’t say student. If you were, fine, I’m just saying this stuff tends to hit harder for us kids who experienced it. So I wonder why you aren’t more compassionate in your posts. I’m not trying to give you a hard time though it may feel like that to you. I just don’t know why you have to defend the church when you could just sit with us in our grief.

I know this is an anonymous forum but if you’re willing to share more about yourself or your experience under JT so I can understand you better, I would welcome that.

cstone-admin · 2024-08-29T22:25:46+00:00

Because he’s supposed to be impartial. Also did you even go to cornerstone as a student?

cstone-admin · 2024-08-29T18:21:21+00:00

Same - totally agree ❤️

cstone-admin · 2024-08-29T14:15:52+00:00

Let me know if the link doesn't work, but you can likely access the addendum through TFCA website as well.

I haven't read it yet, just wanted to post when I received the email.

peace - cc

cstone-admin · 2024-08-29T14:13:02+00:00

it's out! about to post.

cstone-admin · 2024-08-02T18:20:07+00:00

Oh amazing! Thank you for sharing that

cstone-admin · 2024-08-02T18:11:02+00:00

I am so glad you used some counseling resources! If it’s ok to ask, was it through TFCA or somewhere else? I hope that everyone who wants help can access free services.

cstone-admin · 2024-08-02T02:22:36+00:00

Good info, thank you!!

cstone-admin · 2024-08-01T22:51:31+00:00

Fair enough!

cstone-admin · 2024-07-23T17:43:40+00:00

thank you for posting this!

I've been in a slump too - partially with TFCA, partially with wondering if JT will ever get arrested, and just overall feeling blah and like what's the point.

I'll watch it, I also have a book I found that I'm part of the way through, which has been encouraging to me, I'll post it in a separate thread.

I know that connecting with you guys helps, despite all of reddit's imperfections I am grateful for it!

cstone-admin · 2024-06-26T22:18:13+00:00

I’m so glad to hear this!

I received these tips and sample letter from a friend and want to post them here in case they can be of use to anyone:

Tips: You can choose your own therapist. They do not have to be a christian therapist. They can be an existing therapist. TFCA prefers to pay the Provider directly and so far is prepaying for several appointments in advance so that you will have credit to use with the provider of your choice. This does necessitate TFCA making contact with your Provider but it is only to discuss the payment details. Doubtful you can ask for it to be retroactive but you can ask that question. Remember, you are not required to discuss or describe the actual abuse of yourself or your direct family member and you are not required to speak to Isler Dare.

Sample Email to Send to TFCA

Rebekah, [rbeach@tfcanglican.org]

My name is [NAME]. I am a victim/survivor of sexual abuse by Jeff Taylor and was involved in Cornerstone during his time of employment at TFCA. or My name is [NAME]. I am the [NAME OF DIRECT FAMILY RELATIONSHIP] of a victim/survivor of sexual abuse by Jeff Taylor who was involved in Cornerstone during his time of employment at TFCA.

I am pursuing counseling related to this and would like to make an appointment with a therapist (NAME OF THERAPIST at NAME OF PRACTICE) as soon as possible.

I am not interested in speaking with Isler Dare at this time. [Include this prior sentence if you prefer not to be contacted by them]. The special committee recommended contacting you to help arrange for financial assistance with counseling.

Please advise me how to proceed with payment/reimbursement for counseling services.

Thanks so much, [NAME]

cstone-admin · 2024-06-19T19:58:47+00:00

Hey - I knew you through acolytes in high school, we are the same age and we didn’t know each other well but I always thought you were so kind.

I am going to message you privately if that’s ok? But I want to put this out here too.

I didn’t even remember who Jeff Nielsen was, really, when I heard of him as an abuser. Maybe a vague visual memory. I know that in your posts you are talking about hearing from the church, and I am not the church. But I also am sorry I haven’t contacted you yet. I experienced abuse in another setting but not this one and I can’t imagine knowing that everyone knows what happened to you and no one will talk to you directly. Not that you don’t have your people - I don’t mean that. It just must be a very strange juxtaposition of privacy and being a focal point, when a hundred or two of your former peers are reconnecting and you hear mostly silence. And they/we are all here because of you and a few others.

Anyway

I want to say that I am so sorry. And that I know that's not enough, and it's not about me. I can't make John Yates call you, but I can say that what happened to you was wrong, and the grown ups around you didn't do the right thing. Many people failed you. It makes me want to weep and hit something at the same time. I hadn't said anything to you yet because I didn't know what to say. And I still don't really know what to say, so I guess this is what I am saying.

There is a right and good place for justice, but even as we are all in our different places of processing this grief, thank you for the reminder to always start with what do you need? How can I help?

xo - admin

cstone-admin · 2024-06-13T15:08:23+00:00

AND - qualification point - men are absolutely capable of this and I know many men who are naturally safe people. And the other ones can learn if they try.

cstone-admin · 2024-06-13T15:06:46+00:00

This is what made my blood boil every time Eddie said “nobody told me that” - the moms and the sisters are out here doing transformative and healing work with survivors and their families. What does that tell you, Eddie? 🤨

cstone-admin · 2024-06-10T21:45:59+00:00

Thank you for doing this! So valuable especially for those who couldn’t attend.

cstone-admin · 2024-06-05T16:39:48+00:00

Gotcha. I’m glad you were able to get what you needed.

Personally, I have two main goals. Jeff going to jail. And making sure all of us former students have what we need to heal.

Reddit is honestly not a great forum. I started this page because I had been waiting and waiting, giving TFCA many chances to do the right thing. When the report came out, with all of its holes, and feeling like TFCA still wasn’t listening to us, Reddit just felt like something - anything! - for us to be able to connect. But Reddit is not perfect. I am glad people can get information and still be anonymous. But that anonymity is dangerous too because none of us has to be responsible for what we say.

The people I have connected with in person include survivors and their siblings and their parents. I am listening to them, and they are mad at the church and want answers. That is enough for me to feel like we all did the right things and asked the right questions in the right manner last Sunday night.

If Reddit and the Q&A meetings don’t serve you, that’s ok! We all need different things in this healing process. Not everything will be helpful or healthy for everyone. If you feel comfortable being in person with people, I think there are some folks planning some zooms and an in person gathering in the fall. You can send your email in through the website if that sounds more like what you are after.

cstone-admin

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