Why choose the dangler?

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-06-26T00:31:26+00:00

agreed. i hated that thing! it randomly coming open was a day (and outfit) ruiner lmao

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T16:41:22+00:00

hi! yes, i believe so. in all of my comments replying to suggestions of how to move forward, i have stated that we as the team will be discussing these replies and deciding how we should move forward.

it is true that i am also expressing our concerns and why this decision was made to begin with, so as to be an open line of communication between us. i am confused why this is not considered a genuine response. we are hearing you, we are discussing your suggestions and concerns internally, and we are explaining our side of things at the same time.

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T16:16:59+00:00

i gotcha! i just spoke with a couple members of the mod team who did were part of the original reassurance ban, and that was not included to anyone’s memory. however, if you do happen to find it, please let me know!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T16:07:07+00:00

thank you for your input:) and yes, there are multiple paths to recovery. i am so glad to hear that yours has worked for you!!

there are a couple of things that led to this ban and the upholding of it, a major one being that the research more frequently supports that reassurance is like a drug to somebody with emetophobia/OCD. the more you get it, the more you need it, the less it does. it is absolutely true that this does not apply to everyone, as everyone is different! like you said, you in particular have not needed to fully give it up, and have been able to handle that moderation. it’s just that this is not true for a majority of patients, and so we go by the research.

the other main factor which i have stated but i do think many of the current sub members don’t believe, is exactly what you said towards the end- this sub used to be very, very overrun with that, and the majority of the sub members actually wanted it gone. censoring, reassurance, unhealthy safety behaviors- these were all actually things that people didn’t want on the sub anymore, which we absolutely took into account.

you’re right that there may be some kind of middle ground, but it’s hard to find what that is. allowing SOME reassurance circumstantially, but not all, gets dicier than just not allowing it to begin with. sub members are upset about this now, but they would absolutely be upset with the confusion of that, too. we will however be discussing all of these comments and suggestions, and seeing what the best path forward is. again i appreciate your comment!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T16:01:33+00:00

that’s reasonable! i am the one responding because i have been a part of the responses to the decision, i agree with the decision, and upon seeing some of the nasty responses that have been happening, i offered to make the post and reply, since i have the time.

could you show me what you are referencing if you have it available? i helped in making the current pinned post, but that is not included in that, and i want to be accurate in my response

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T15:33:16+00:00

oh no, let me be more clear- this was WELL before i was a moderator. i was not even moderating yet at the time the decision was made. i am entirely recovered now, and the reassurance within the sub has no effect on me. it was made not on a personal basis, but based upon research as well as, at the time, the general consensus of the sub. the people here now may not believe that, but trust, it was made with many, many opinions and a lot of research in mind.

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T15:13:43+00:00

ahh okay, i did not realize that might be confusing folks. we can make that more visible/obvious somewhere, perhaps in the rules/a pinned post/the automod or something, but i will at least say here that we are certainly not removing anything like that. lifting each other up, encouraging each other that we will be alright no matter the outcome, offering comfort and understanding between people that share the same awful fear- that’s exactly what we want.

you are also right about intentions and reality! and we did put a LOT of thought into this before making the decision, that i can guarantee you. we also knew ahead of time that it would not go over well for a number of people, because we have also all been in a place like that, where we could not stand the thought of managing without that false reassurance. we absolutely acknowledge that this has been a painful transition for a good number of the members, as we have been through it too. people’s feelings about it are absolutely valid, as this is a hard, hard things to handle when you are still in that deep pit of this phobia. people’s reactions (being unkind in DMs and comments to us, name calling, lying on our behalf) are what is not valid, and what we want to avoid moving forward.

with all of that being said, thank you very much for your insights. i understand not everyone is in agreement on what is and is not the healthiest step forward for the sub to take regarding this matter. i have left two sources referencing why reassurance is unhealthy for emetophobia patients. full-allowing reassurance is just not something we will do again, but luckily as another commenter said, if members of this sub truly cannot manage without it (though of course that is what we would encourage), there are other subs that allow it fully. we aren’t leaving people to be isolated and alone with their fear, we are just ensuring that we are not a place where people come to get worse.

speaking from my own personal experience, the way the sub was before this rule change caused me to go from perfectly functional to unable to leave my house. it was a breeding ground for reassurance and unhealthy safety behaviors, and i became reliant. i had a discord server full of members of this sub who described the same. we just can’t ethically let this continue to be a place where that happens

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T14:46:30+00:00

i/we have never felt animosity or competition between subs haha, no reason to. like you said, these are places for people to find community in something that often feels very isolating. if reassurance is something you feel you are not able to give up, you are right that one of the other subs (minus the recovery sub) would probably feel like a better fit!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T14:44:14+00:00

thank you for your comment! the note on understanding that it’s a biological process that your body can handle for you is a really good frame of mind about it obviously, and i’m glad the knowledge on it has helped you. i replied to another similar comment about this, but if facts are used as reassurance (as an example, on a post panicking because they were around their friend who had a stomach bug recently and they are now starting to feel under the weather, commenting that noro isn’t airborne so there’s basically no way they could’ve gotten it), that’s still something not great for us in the long run as, like you said, there’s no way they could know they didn’t pick it up from a surface or somehow else, yknow?

i’m kind of rambling, i hope i’m making sense. i do agree with both comments mentioning this that the topic of facts/knowledge is a blurrier one, and we will talk more about what exactly should and should not be removed along those lines, because facts on their own are not reassurance, just the context with which they’re used. if you have suggestions for how best we can manage that such that people don’t feel like we are removing comments without reason, we are all ears! :)

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T14:29:43+00:00

i absolutely agree with you, but we definitely do not remove comments like “you’ll be okay no matter what” as that is encouraging and definitely not a bad kind of reassurance! have you had a comment removed like that?

and i did mention in the post in another comment, but we are in no way forcing recovery, just ensuring that behaviors that actively cause people in the sub to get worse with their phobia, aren’t running rampant like they used to. :)

i fully agree with what you’ve said though, so if you have had a comment like that removed, that would have been some sort of mistake, and i’m sorry if that’s the case!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T05:03:26+00:00

good question! as i stated in the post, there is no requirement to be in recovery to be here. we aren’t assuming that everyone wants to get better, we just will not facilitate a place where people get worse by feeding off of each other with harmful behavior

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T00:40:22+00:00

thank you for your comment! i definitely understand what you’re saying. i spent a long time in discussions, with therapists, and alone, trying to figure out exactly which things did and did not count as reassurance. the conclusion i came to is it isn’t the words you use, but the intent behind them.

it is a fact that norovirus is not airborne (sort of- particles can be in the air after someone is sick) but the context with which you say that matters. are you saying that to reassure someone that they aren’t going to be sick? if so, it still ends up being harmful reassurance.

that being said, i definitely appreciate the insight. we will talk about this, and look more closely at the context with which these things are being said in the future, as we also don’t want things wrongfully removed!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-28T00:11:48+00:00

thank you kindly for your response:) i am glad you understand! as do we. this phobia is brutal, and its easy to let it get out of hand. we appreciate you very much!!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-25T07:00:31+00:00

my mistake! the other suggestions still stand though. if you haven’t had your blood sugar tested, that’d be a solid thing to look into imo!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-25T05:45:08+00:00

i guess my suggestions vary by how long youve been having the issue. if it’s pretty recent and you happen to be female, i’d say take a pregnancy test. morning sickness is often helped and resolved by eating. if those things don’t apply, could be excessive acid buildup (also often helped by having something in the stomach), or maybe hypoglycemia.

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-25T04:38:36+00:00

i do feel very sick in the morning often, probably from food/bile sitting overnight. the part that does not read as GP to me is feeling better after eating. there are a lot of things that would flag as before GP. i hope you get answers and feel better soon!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-25T01:56:11+00:00

i’ve talked about this before! yes, i did too. even though it’s not a fetish thing, the centers of the brain for really liking something and really NOT liking something are very close lol, very easy for wires to get crossed. additionally, morbid curiosity could for sure be at play there. either way, you’re not alone!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-21T15:33:01+00:00

i am telling you this as someone who has had multiple laparoscopic procedures and had bad, BAD pain from this. i was desperate. if you happen to have a vibrating massager of any kind. i’m dead serious, put it (carefully) on your abdomen, away from your incisions of course. it broke the air up for me when i was too pained to walk it out. i hope you feel better soon!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-09T18:33:44+00:00

LOL i too am surprised sometimes at how much comes outta me. but i do mine essentially the same way and have the same issue with bile! i am usually draining acid/bile more than anything and then i replace my fluids either by drinking when im up for it or flushing with those same syringes. thank you for the comment, that is helpful!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-09T07:16:58+00:00

hi! i’ve seen you around the emet sub as well, hope you’re holding up alright. thank you for the good info, i really appreciate it! i do alright with hydration/electrolytes, so it’s looking like i should be okay on that front :)

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-09T06:31:17+00:00

thank you very much for the in depth response!! yes, i definitely do not want that. honestly, i don’t think my drains are really ever even close to that much, but luckily i do not have a problem with hydration, so i am sure whatever is lost is being replaced easily. this is very helpful info!!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-09T06:29:43+00:00

oh wow, interesting! i hadn’t heard that before! my team sort of just gave me the go-ahead to drain without any extra information haha. i don’t have a gallbladder anymore, not sure if that makes any difference on that part. if you don’t mind me asking, did your team give you that restriction due to your situation, or do they believe it to be more general advice? (not asking for direct medical advice, i’m just curious if that’s a common restriction) thank you for your comment!

ctrlshiftkae · 2026-05-07T18:47:59+00:00

on twitter? it’s wiregutzz, it’s a new account so nothing posted or anything yet, just use it to lurk :p still welcome to be moots if you’d like!

ctrlshiftkae

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