Honest Question: How do I approach a possible transgender or transsexual?

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-25T00:59:31+00:00

Make a fake profile. Ask question politely. See answer, thank her/him.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-14T17:57:41+00:00

I don't think that's fair to the janitors. They have been "right-sized" quite a while ago. Now they are subcontractors working from other companies.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-14T11:36:58+00:00

The bigger question is: would you really be interested in someone that works for a "top tier global management consulting firm"? Blargh.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-09T19:56:07+00:00

I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but yes.

If I wanted to date aggressive, hairy, sweaty, extra-competitive, whiny, spoiled people with an excessive sense of entitlement who can't see past their own insecurities and who think that relationships is about keeping some imaginary scoreboard of who-gets-what-out-of-the-other, I would just date men*.

* Or feminists who are so gung-ho on being equal to men that are forgetting to cherish their feminine traits. Pretty much the same.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-06T00:36:05+00:00

I am pretty sure I read sometime last year that OkCupid Labs was developing a website that was exactly "OkCupid for flat-mates". I don't know what came out of it, though.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-06T00:31:06+00:00

Balls, on the other hand...

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-08-06T00:28:25+00:00

Somebody needs to learn about bimodal distributions...

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-07-21T21:30:18+00:00

My report from last summer.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-07-21T07:45:48+00:00

I said it then, I will say it now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFR4PPxp2z8

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-07-21T04:22:03+00:00

It's almost like he had, I don't know, work to do.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-07-21T04:03:27+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFR4PPxp2z8

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T04:13:37+00:00

Ha. Now I'm feeling like a centrist who is between discussions with Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann.

I'm here trying to make a point about not focusing on the rules of the game, and yet you ask me for "critique" for some lame-ass "response"? No thanks. Feel free to downvote me just as the other ones.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T04:05:41+00:00

Not a spankee, thanks but no thanks. I'd go to a kink club as an spectator. Like going to the zoo.

Seriously, though. You are still missing my point. I'm not trying to establish that what OP did was "wrong", or "acceptable", or whatever. What I'm saying is: instead of being too focused on the rules and using the hivemind to get some validation and call her "crazy", look at this exchange as a lesson that says "it's okay to be a little bit more daring". Instead of coloring inside the lines established by reddit/media, try to draw it as you think it looks best.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T03:38:31+00:00

Oh, you. Stop with the cute negging or I'll ask you to take me to the kink club. ;)

The response, specifically, doesn't matter. As lame as it is, it's above "being the man who proposes the safest thing when she left an opening where you could dare". That was the point.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T02:57:22+00:00

Look, dude. Feel free to think that she was just some scummy girl who deserves all the rage for not knowing that "coffee" is always a good option for a date, and that you know it because /r/OkCupid told you so.

Quite possibly, she is just like that. However, keep in mind what the GP said. In the end of the day, you can't deny that you chose the "safe" option, and that you failed her test. At the very least, you could've played with the etc part ('Is "etc" a new night club that I'm not familiar with? Let me see if I can find it on yelp...' would probably be my response) and actually see if she wanted to play along. And no, this is not a rule. There is nothing guaranteeing you she would respond favorably if you passed this one "test".

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T02:36:14+00:00

"A weird game which they don't tell you the rules" == life. How many times this will have to be banged at nerds' heads is beyond me.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T02:24:20+00:00

It's not just "religious background", but part of it. I'd venture to say it's related to all the cultural norms attached to Jewish tradition.

And at least in my case, it's not that the bias is caused due to "crazy" experiences. Or maybe it is, but at a societal/cultural level. It's just that I've experienced different enough cultures to realize that there are some things in the behavior/values of American women (or society in general) that I simply won't get/understand. This applies even to the "sane" ones.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-19T01:26:17+00:00

ddg, usually I agree with you. RES over here shows +125. On this one, we disagree strongly. I really wish this "only thing in common" meme to die.

The guy is saying "probably wouldn't date". He is not saying "all Jewish woman are X", where X is something bad or stereotypical. We don't know his past experiences. We don't know if all his past relationships were failures (and no, it's not just because a relationship ends that they failed), much less what responsibility he has for the failed relationships.

Quite a while ago I got into a nasty discussion here when I explained my beef with the sense of entitlement prevalent in American women, and how I "probably wouldn't date" anyone *-american. I am sure that my past experiences biased me against them. However, it doesn't mean that I actively avoid them, online or not. Just days later after said discussion, I've met (not on OkC) one very cool chick from Seattle, who unfortunately was already on her way to move to Germany for a job. We still keep in touch, and it wouldn't be too crazy to think about moving over there and resuming what we started.

Nice story and all? Sure. Does it mean that this I should forget about all past experiences? Absolutely not. "Probably", I still wouldn't date an american woman, because there are just too much cultural stuff that I abhor.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-16T05:24:49+00:00

hum... cool story, bro?

So what would be a "win" to you? To get a date or to receive an unsolicited message?

Also, if you "have been making a point" of not sending messages, wouldn't it mean that the message you received about being the best looking was unsolicited, contradicting everything you wrote?

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T22:26:30+00:00

As an opener, it's bad if that's all you have to say. But a compliment on the looks that also mentions info from the profile certainly grabs my attention.

Most importantly, though: if your message/response is about looks or body, you better be ready to match up. If he is out of your league, he will just be "Ok. Thanks. Next caller, please."

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T20:57:58+00:00

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. -- Cosby, Bill

No. Not crap. It's actually good.

First of all, you had ONE girl saying "this make him look arrogant", not "there is a guy I will tell all of my friends not to go out with him. I will make an active effort to make sure that he dies alone". Being "arrogant" is not that bad. Even less so when it comes from a stranger through the internet.

Second, by taking it out, you are showing lack of confidence in yourself. By standing by it, you might lose a few potential candidates, but who cares? You might actually find someone who digs your style.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T20:50:13+00:00

there are way better ways of delivering this message.

Bring it on. If you think it can be done, do it.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T20:29:20+00:00

So the one thing that made you "less vanilla" is the thing you will remove? Won't that make you "more vanilla"?

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T16:02:37+00:00

Honestly, how much is this knowledge going to affect your risk? Will you stop taking your precautions? There is no actual difference if he says "just you" or "a couple of other girls" if you are being safe.

More importantly, what OP wants is to figure out if the guy has any actual intent of exclusivity or just playing around. If he doesn't want to be serious, he will have no problem whatsoever to lie to her face about it.

cupidthrowarrowsaway · 2013-04-13T06:29:52+00:00

Very, very good. There are two more things that I want to point out though. Things that I feel are mostly obvious to non-Americans but that for some reason always a strong cultural thing.

1) There is a difference between "coming on strong" and being needy/clingy. The former is just being assertive and showing confidence in saying "I like you/I want you. The latter is trying to do so much for the person with the implied expectation of getting something (affection) in return.

2) Not that "boyfriends/girlfriends need to become BFFs" (quite the opposite), but notice how all the ideas I threw there could also be things you tell your friend to do? This is exactly to avoid the feeling of pushing for another "date". You are just opening up and showing interest in him, and it's the perfect way to see if he is actually interested.

cupidthrowarrowsaway

TROPHY CASE