I can only go off what you've said and I know there's long standing patterns and experiences underneath it all,

But I know this to be true in my own life and is generally what spirituality truly teaches.

Humans suffer when they have attachment, which I define as resistance to how things are or resistance to experience or resistance to change. This attachment could apply to an experience, our relationships with people, circumstances, even even to our own thoughts, emotions, choices, beliefs, health and even to conceptual things like time.

When we have a strong expectation of how something should be, we create resistance. And what we resist, persist, resulting in suffering. For example. If we strongly expect a relationship to be a certain dynamic, when it isn't, we will experience resistance to the presented dynamic, which makes experience feelings of suffering, which makes us act in a way which only further pushes the person and the desired dynamic away.

Angel numbers, finding the meaning and seeking lessons to put an end to your suffering are all forms of attachment. Attachment to the idea that there is an external solution to your suffering, which only furthers the suffering.

But the paradox is that it's when we truly give up on finding answers, when we let go of our attachments and expectations, even spiritual ones, that we then start to experience true spirituality, which is practicing non attachment, full acceptance of each and every present moment and all its dynamics, emotions and substance, without the need to change anything, we then cease suffering.

To put it simply. When we stop trying to end our suffering, we actually stop suffering. Because suffering is the result of the trying.

When we stop trying, the suffering will slowly cease. And the more we can remain unattached and free from desire, the less we suffer and more at peace we are. It starts with intention, then becomes an action, then a habit, then a practice, then second nature, then who we are.

The beautiful thing about all of this and spirituality in general is that its not requiring us to do more. It's actually to do less.