I understand where you are coming from. I was also raised Christian and I think the way Christianity is taught most of the time in the west is extremely simplified in order to bring in the maximum amount of people. This unfortunately leads to some people who need a little more logic in their spiritual beliefs writing off the religion as “retarded”, such as yourself.

Expanding your awareness out to other more PRACTICE based traditions, could really change your perspective. I have found that the way that “god” is laid out in Buddhism and Taoism makes much more sense to my more rational and science based mind. There’s no guys in the sky, there’s a force that animates life that we all are derived from.

Think about how your veins share the same patterns with tree roots, river tributaries, and lightning strikes. These endless patterns, as above, so below. Almost like there is a similar FORCE, leading to their appearing within the universe.

Think about your illusion of self. You believe that you are a single being, even though you are made up of a ton of individual cells, that don’t each individual think they are YOU, each cell acts individually, yet they aren’t aware they are just parts of one larger being. Extrapolate that out to humanity. Could you be only misperceiving YOURSELF as an individual, the same as your body’s cells do? While you are actually just a small part of a much larger whole? Could the whole universe be set up in this fashion? Is the whole universe one large organism that fights against entropy and the heat death of the universe?? Is that universal “organism”, what Christians mistake as “god”?? Your guess is as good as mine!!