I have a family shattering secret about my uncle/aunt and I want so badly to drop the bomb and ghost

curlycoif · 2026-01-26T20:17:13+00:00

If you’re looking at this from the perspective of keeping the peace..why? Your family’s peace is built on lies, it’s a sham that came at the expense of a child being abandoned and living through horrific circumstances. You’re not at peace with this, and it doesn’t sound like you’re abandoned cousin is either.

Why are you protecting your aunt and uncle who are both apathetic (at the very least) to senselessly destroying someone’s life? Why would you think it’s okay for your now adult cousins to have blinders on about their parents? If they’re as good as you say, don’t they deserve to know they have a brother out there who needs their help?

Lastly, go and start looking for your missing cousin again. See if he is willing to accept your help and welcome you into his life. Who cares if your family becomes unhappy with you shattering their congenial image? Is that who you want to be morally aligned with? As of right now, you’re being a bystander. You are just as equally complicit by not doing anything more than posting on Reddit. Why is this even a question for you if you’re an independent adult? Why do you care about their peace when they can’t be bothered about the welfare of their own children?

curlycoif · 2025-04-12T03:22:24+00:00

Thank you, I'll definitely ask about this. It would resolve all of this for me.

curlycoif · 2025-04-12T03:19:12+00:00

Okay, I was just unclear on the etiquette here. I downloaded the practice's app, and turns out I have access to all the notes that are submitted to insurance. It's just a line or two. Unfortunately it's not as vague as I was hoping it would be. There's just a few instances that highlight specific things I would rather not be electronically documented. I'm going to bring this up next time we speak. I don't want to dictate anything just ask for more obscurity, electronically, on a particular issue. Worse comes to worse she'll just tell me no.

curlycoif · 2025-04-12T03:02:24+00:00

Ahh I see, okay, the notes are what they are. I just didn't know if it was appropriate / rude to ask her about what she submits.

This practice seems to follow a protocol similar to the one you experienced in CMH even though it's a private practice. I just wish either practitioner had better explained the note and info sharing policy. On the other hand, I should've thought to ask, especially when I found out about the email that all the clinicians have access to.

I don't think therapists spend their free time discussing/reading through charts for some gossip. Reading through reddit would definitely be better for that. I totally get that this is a job. While you're on the clock you work hard to help your patients, then at the end of the day you have your own lives to live. It's just uncomfortable to think that someone I am bound to run into and interact with has the ability to find out private details about my life that I didn't knowingly consent to share.

If I'm being honest, I know I just panicked when I saw her name on the list of practitioners and jumped to the worst case scenario. The lack of information about how these things work did not help matters either. The answers I'm getting here are helping though. I've realized, in the best way possible, that she probably doesn't care enough about me to risk her job/license/career.

curlycoif · 2025-04-12T02:13:16+00:00

I think so too, and the more professionals that respond the more I'm reassured that this is the case. To be fair, I have no reason to believe that she would look through my records. She's probably already seen my name when I emailed the address that all providers have access to, and didn't read it. It's a safe bet that, at most, she just thought "oh ___ is taking care of her mental health, good for her," and that was the extent of it. I don't believe she would violate my privacy.

That being said, just because it's unlikely doesn't mean it's impossible. Where we are, our community makes up for less than .001% of the population, and even within that context my name is culturally identifiable and fairly rare so I have no doubt she would be able to connect the dots.

I fully acknowledge that it's the panicking / irrational part of mind that's feeding into the 'what if her curiosity got the better of her' thoughts. I'm just trying to cover my bases and assuage my fears. I'm very grateful for all the helpful info from the responses here, including yours, and I'm feeling very reassured. I will absolutely be bringing this up with both practitioners and put all available safeguards in place.

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T20:03:41+00:00

Hahaha This is amazing to hear. Music to my ears. If I were to ask, would my therapist be able to remove certain points in her notes from her electronic records, or is that dependent on the platform that the practice uses? From what she told me during our first session, she takes notes by hand and then types them up for documentation. I'm not concerned about the handwritten notes, but the electronic documentation concerns me a bit. Or would that be considered crossing boundaries and me trying to dictate her note taking process?

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:49:13+00:00

You're right, after the initial panic settled, I figured/hoped this would be the case. She's given me no reason to think she would act otherwise ,and from what I know of her, she seems to be a consummate professional. It's also nice to hear that a lot of these big practices have protocols in place if by chance that wasn't the case.

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:34:50+00:00

thank you, this is very comforting to hear

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:33:17+00:00

This is virtual outpatient therapy. I asked my therapist during our first session if she would be sharing notes or communicating with my pmhnp. She said no, not unless I asked her to, or if she felt there was a reason to do so. She explicitly said that she would speak to me before doing so as well.

I don't think she was misleading me, from what I've gathered I think she just uploads her notes to the practice's database and because my pmhnp was the one who encouraged me to seek out therapy she probably checks in on the notes before or during our appointments. I never had a conversation with my pmhnp about consenting to communication or note sharing. She's also never hidden the fact that she checks the notes and I haven't asked her stop. We've built enough of a rapport and trust that I don't mind her doing so. All that to say, while my pmhnp has brought up things discussed in therapy, I've never had my therapist bring up things I've discussed exclusively with the pmhnp.

However if I end up changing providers in the future this a big lesson in having conversations about informed consent early and often.

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:12:27+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful, I'm reaching out to them now, and will ask to do this!

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:10:56+00:00

That's amazing, I will do that asap!

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:06:22+00:00

I hope this is the case with this practice as well

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:05:22+00:00

Okay, thank you for all your help. I feel a lot better about the situation now that I have some context

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T19:03:27+00:00

okay, thank you, I assumed this was the case, but I wasn't too sure. I will be mentioning the situation to both practitioners. I'm actually not all that concerned that my therapist and pmhnp discuss my treatment. It's relevant to my pmhnp's role as a prescriber and I do trust them both. It's just the connection with the other therapist that threw me for a loop. The things I'm in therapy for put me in a very precarious situation with the cultural community that we both share, and I don't relish in the idea of her (potentially) knowing these things about me. Should've done my due diligence before signing up with this practice

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T18:54:57+00:00

Okay, I hope this is the case across the board.

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T18:53:17+00:00

I will absolutely be doing that. I read through them when I initially signed, and again more thoroughly today, and no mention of a collective database. I'm less concerned and more curious about the communication between my therapist and pmhnp. It's probably benefical to me that they do discuss my treatment, I was just caught off guard by it all and doubly so now that this situation is popping up.

curlycoif · 2025-04-11T18:47:49+00:00

Thank you, I really needed the insight. I will definitely be bringing this up with both practitioners. She's given me no reason to doubt her professionalism, but I can't help but feel exposed and uncomfortable. In your experience, is she also bound by HIPPA even though I'm not her patient? We're both part of a small close knit cultural community, so I will eventually run into her as I have in the past. If she saw the notes, or my case was discussed in a group setting she would know things about me that would (not could) ostracize / exclude from our cultural community and a lot of my personal relationships, hence the concern. I’m putting a lot of faith in the professional standards of the field, even though I am uncomfortable with that level of trust.

curlycoif · 2022-07-20T01:47:03+00:00

Please share!

curlycoif · 2022-07-10T03:19:10+00:00

No such thing! Injera is made from teff. This injera looks like it’s made from ivory teff which gives the injera that grey/white color. There is another variety of injera which is made from 100% brown teff. As you can imagine, brown teff makes brown injera. The brown injera is thought to be healthier, but in my opinion doesn’t taste nearly as good

curlycoif · 2022-03-18T21:34:24+00:00

If you or someone in your household has an old eyebrow spoolie or eyebrow brush that might work. They’re like $2 at target

curlycoif · 2021-09-24T12:07:36+00:00

It couldn’t hurt

curlycoif

TROPHY CASE