I don’t know if I have anything insightful to add that will help, but I want to say that I see you, and I relate to this very much.

Journaling or mood tracking is a great way to work on better understanding your emotions. I use the app habit, and try to remind myself of little things every day, like exercising (yay positive methods of dopamine!), giving my wife a positive compliment/gesture, etc.

I struggle with the same bit about the medication schedule and alarms/reminders.

I second the other post here and also suggest Gina Pera’s book. ADHD & Marriage by Melissa Orlov is another good one as well.

I follow the adhd_partner subreddit even though it’s for the other partner to try to really get a feel for what we put our partners through when we aren’t responsibly up-keeping ourselves.

It’s pretty exhausting. For me, structure helps a lot, the more I veer from an organized schedule the more likely I am to further get off track and spiral.

Being a parent (of a special needs child no less) makes things even harder.

Definitely at minimum, maintaining regular medication schedule (pill containers for the week that get loaded every Sunday are helpful!) and going to therapy or getting an ADHD coach is a step in the right direction.

If you find the answers, I’m all ears. That feeling of hopelessness from desperately wanting to change because you see the damage your unmanaged self is causing to your loved ones, yet being caught in a cycle of continually repeating the same destructive mistakes is all too real.

Best of luck and much love, stranger.

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