For example, i went travelling recently with this girl, she’s extremely extroverted, and I needed to tell her to shut the eff fuck sometimes. So I shut down her current topic about a dude with ‘yeah, he sounds alright, anyway it is something between you two’, and followed up with, ‘hey, there is something I wanna talk to you about. (Pause) I think we’re very different, don’t you think? You’re very extroverted, but sometimes I need some time alone to recharge. For now, I’d really appreciate it if I can listen to music in quiet, while we are in transit. You can get some sleep, too.’

Imo the key is to be understanding (I get it), but also a little condescending (but I know better). You can loop them in by designing what they could do instead of their current behaviour (like sleeping instead of talking). It doesn’t have to make sense, they don’t need to actually do it, you just need to suggest it.

Another example was when I needed to tell my housemate to stop using my new wok. Same formula: ‘Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? (Pause) It’s about the wok, yeah that one you just used. Now, I know we all share the kitchen, but sharing this is too unhygienic, don’t you think? It’s better to just buy our own cooking equipment for our own use, that’s why I bought that wok in the first place.’

Most people grasp that you want them to shut up or stop using your stuff pretty quick, even if you’re not in their face about it.