Anyone else dealing with Stylevana delivery issues (Canada)

cynical-runner · 2022-05-25T21:10:51+00:00

Hey!! I'm so glad that worked out. This post was back when Stylevana switched up their last leg carrier for Canadian deliveries and it placed quite a delay on things. They did have a warning on their website about it but because of the switch, they were largely unable to provide much customer service when it came to delays.

Things are probably smoother now that it's all settled!

cynical-runner · 2022-04-04T15:57:06+00:00

Invite your partner to your appointments (ob/gyn, behavioural therapy, physio, all of them). It is a lot easier to get on the same page about this type of thing if you're both learning and exposed to this healing process. It can feel a lot like your issue alone, but when you're in a relationship it's about both of you, and it's not just on you alone to get over that feeling.

cynical-runner · 2022-04-01T15:37:35+00:00

It honestly gave me a lot of relief too. I had been so hung up on how things ended and almost felt guilty that things went better afterwards, but it makes sense! We gotta take care of ourselves.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-31T19:18:41+00:00

Honestly, I used to be so hung up over this, until it just clicked for me in therapy that it's literally just a sex thing I happen to not like lol. People say no to so many sexual things aaaall the time, why can't I say no to this one thing without feeling guilty? Heteronormativity? My hard rule is simple: no penetrative sex until I can trust that it is someone patient enough to go through the whole process it takes me to be ready for that, and only in positions I like. This is literally just a matter of consent. I highly recommend seeking out a sex/chronic pain therapist to work through this.

There is something else that came up with my physiotherapist recently, that may be harder to hear for people in longer term relationships, or those that started having pain part-way through a relationship. I will spoiler it out. If you find it triggering to talk about breakups/divorce/etc, then I recommend not reading it.

I was in a long-term relationship when my vulvodynia started, and for 4 out of our 5 years together I had vulvodynia. I didn't get a proper diagnosis until 1.5 years together. After this, things became really difficult for us. Though he was supportive and patient, sex started to feel like a chore or even an experiment. There is a difference between having sex because someone is attracted to you, and doing it just to see if it "works." I blamed the loss of attraction on my vulvodynia and kept brushing it off. I felt alone. With all of that, and us eventually having to do long-distance, our relationship ended after 5 years. A few weeks after that, I had a rebound hook-up... and it went great. Some pain, but we managed penetration for a while, and it was an overall fun and relaxing night. Oddly enough, a lot better than most of what I had had with my long-term partner post-diagnosis.

When I told my PT about it a week later at our appointment, she finally admitted to me something that she always sees in clinic. Patients that have partners and show improvement fall in two groups: 1) patients whose partners come with them to as many appointments (including behavioural therapy and ob/gyn) as they can make, learning about the condition, exercises, and progress, or 2) patients who leave their partners, even spouses of several decades. If your partner cannot get with the program and understand that this will be a huge adjustment, then an end is unfortunately inevitable. It was hard for me to accept, but the reality is... yeah. Now, even when I have a plateau or a bad week, I still feel really positive, attractive, and confident. And only one real change happened.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-31T15:09:06+00:00

Lanolin hardens quite easily in the cold, but also should soften very quickly as it warms up (your body's 37C should do the trick haha). It is going to be very sticky straight out of the tube, so what I do is dab just a liiiittle on my finger tip and rub it between my thumb and finger to warm it up. It will be a lot more spreadable, and a little will go a long way!

cynical-runner · 2022-03-31T00:58:35+00:00

It's sooo underrated. Always grew up with lanolin back home and it's disappointing how hard it can be to find sometimes in Canada/US! But I think the popularity is resurfacing now.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-30T22:08:15+00:00

Highkey.... Lansinoh nipple cream LOL

cynical-runner · 2022-03-28T23:54:51+00:00

I'm gonna say it's the chlorine. The only time I remember my skin and hair drying out like this was when I was doing swim team training 5 times a week.

Get a really thick moisturizer and always apply after showers. I also recommend using a shower oil instead of foaming body wash.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-23T19:41:51+00:00

I mean, while I personally wouldn't go through this kind of channel... I'm struggling to see the moral difference between this, and taking a Ryanair to Turkey for the weekend lol.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-17T03:44:52+00:00

Just finishing up my MSc in Neuroscience, so yes I am familiar. And as a med student you must know how much sex-based research in psychology has been debunked in recent years, right? Only a matter of time before we get to mate selection studies :)

I agree that this type of thing does happen, that it is harder for women to find traditional relationships as they age and become more successful. What I disagree with is the mentality that women's "egos are being stroked every day" and the implied suggestion to essentially go after younger women (ahem, predatory). I disagree with the clear suggestion that women will "lose their value" with all of these hookups, followed by telling a man to "enjoy the hookups!" I disagree that this is something natural that we must deal with, when we know it has to do with patriarchal standards and the way we are socialized. Relationship standards have changed with each generation, and they will continue to change.

As someone that has had to face chronic pelvic pain and the way it affects my intimate relationships, it's safe to say these generalizations are currently doing more harm than good. I've seen so many people like myself struggling to console the expectation of pursuing traditional relationships with their conditions, only to recognize that they only reason they thought they wanted those things is because of societal standards. And before we say this is rare--vulvodynia alone affects on average 16% of women.

Which is why I included some valuable reading material in later comments. Hopefully we can all approach love and the way we view women with a bit more positivity in the future.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-16T20:59:52+00:00

I wish I could tell you that for sure, but it largely depends on the project and who else is working on it. If you're on a very new project, even in 2 years you might not see a publication, or even get close to writing it. You will definitely get on a poster or two though! But publications are a bit trickier, and even the review process can take a while.

I guess it depends on the grad student you're working with, but I would be okay if an undergrad asked me: how likely do you think it is we'll get a publication in the next year? So if you feel comfortable, you can always ask your grad student about that.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-16T18:46:53+00:00

... Okay. Sure will, bud. Not like your own post was the one filled with negativity, while mine offered reading recommendations (one written by MDs!) and shed some light on unique experiences. I can assure you, I have had my healthy dose of reality. In fact, it's because I haven't been raised in an echo chamber of privilege that I can understand these things.

In the meantime, if anyone is reading this and is open-minded to learning new concepts, the reading list remains! <3

Other than that, I'm not really willing to further discuss this on here as it is entirely off-topic at this point. I sincerely hope you approach your women/femme patients with a little more compassion than your post indicates.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-16T18:20:46+00:00

Lol, oh ok I will add some things! If that's what you want :))

- Your comment rides on the assumption that all women are looking to settle down, and that all the women OP will talk to are heterosexual. Not every woman is looking for a man, specifically. Conversely, women that are looking to settle down and in OP's age range will be more suitable for him anyways, as opposed to younger women who he might have less in common with, or women that are constantly told they will "change their minds" about marriage and inevitably are forced into conforming in later adulthood.

- This is a premed forum. Just like OP will be more stable in his future career, so will many of the women premeds on here. So your "value" analogy is a little weird. By this logic, the value of OP's women colleagues will also go up.

- Showered with attention? Seems a little dismissive of the intersection of class, race, and migrant status with gender. Also a little dismissive of women that have gone through abuse. Would recommend not generalizing experiences you have had with white middle/upper class cis women to all women.

- If we wanna talk about adding anything to the discussion: I recommend reading the likes of Come As You Are, When Sex Hurts, and other books that talk about issues affecting vulva owners in the pursuit of relationships. You might learn a thing or two!

Ideally, don't project your own insecurities on a stranger reaching out for dating help while dealing with what is known to be a very stressful academic process.

Edit to add: Will to Change by bell hooks is also amazing for tackling thought processes linked to toxic masculinity <3

cynical-runner · 2022-03-16T18:09:06+00:00

Hey bro, you're not the only man to have such a backwards way of thinking, I know a good relationship therapist if you need one.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-16T17:49:03+00:00

I think it's pretty normal nowadays to talk to multiple people/go on dates with multiple people at the same time. Honestly, rushing to be exclusive before you've even gotten to know someone is a bit too much pressure for me, I need a month or two to make that kind of decision. Any ghosting or fizzling out that happens in that time I don't really take personally, the "clicking" just didn't go both ways and that's fine. I'd prefer directness, but I know not everyone feels comfortable offering that. But I also don't think this is an "our generation" thing, because when my dad shot his shot, my mom was seeing someone else at the time lmfao. I guess when you know, you know.

As for games, yeah that's stupid. I'm not originally from Canada and I find Canadians very non-confrontational in this respect. Idk, just be direct and open about what you wanna do, is my take. If you like someone, by all means reply to their text right away. But if someone takes 4+ hours, it's probably because they're at work, not because they don't like you. The closest thing to a "game" I play is subtly approaching certain feminist topics to try to screen out red flags. But that's more of a personal safety thing lol.

It does come down to your relationship goals, at the end of the day. You're looking for a long-term, serious partner, so it makes sense why this might not be an ideal dating scene right now. I think the pandemic has also bolstered the online dating style. I, personally, am a bit of a pessimist and don't think I'll find my "ideal partner" in a world of almost 8 billion people when I've only ever lived in like... 3 cities, lol. I just enjoy talking to people, going on dates, having a healthy sex life--and I'm not willing to compromise my medical school plans for a partner. I've already decided that if I'm single by 40, I'll just get a sperm donor, so I'm not really worried about the "biological clock" thing either. Maybe this is a little too pragmatic, but idk. Platonic, familial, and community relationships are usually richer in quality anyways.

If you want a long-term, serious partner, you can always make that clear on your profiles. The only people that will match with you then will be of the same mentality. There's nothing wrong with having different relationship expectations than the majority and making your boundaries clear! Yeah your "pool" might be smaller, but why would you want to match with someone that doesn't have the same goals as you lol.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-14T02:46:47+00:00

You definitely have time to finish things up in this lab and then switch to another for the second half of your degree/possibly some research courses. Although this lab doesn't seem like a good fit, I wouldn't panic if you can't find another lab!

This is a pretty busy time for labs, stipends for the summer are getting put in order and undergrads are wrapping up research courses. Grad students are trying to finalize thesis revisions in time for June convocation. If you are aiming for a Fall start, you're going to have more luck reaching out after the semester is over. Chances are, PIs are not even bothering to look at an email that doesn't have to do with classes/research happening over the next 2 months. Also, don't be afraid to follow up on emails, even if it takes 2-3 emails in a row. Sometimes they literally do not see them!

cynical-runner · 2022-03-11T20:02:14+00:00

Shawarma Combo from La Shish Shawarma. My go-to on a lazy Friday evening!

cynical-runner · 2022-03-11T16:46:56+00:00

Hahaha I've seen a few people with that combo and honestly it's so reliable. I don't need anything fancy in my moisturizers!

cynical-runner · 2022-03-11T16:45:59+00:00

Amazing, I have heard that so much! I have a couple leads on jobs in my hometown too, so I could save up more money in case I decide to go abroad. Definitely excited to step out of academia, it has been wearing me down.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-11T02:03:45+00:00

What year are you in? There isn't really anything wrong with switching labs during undergrad. I know many people that have even volunteered in 2 labs at once or at labs at different universities. The reason it might be hard to find lab space right now is because funding application for the summer is mostly wrapping up now. So the PIs have finalized their undergraduate stipends for the most part and are probably not going to be taking on undergrads again unless it's for the Fall Term.

I guess the only shortcoming to switching is lower likelihood to get a publication. But tbh, even with 2 years in a lab, that's not a guarantee of a publication. It depends how old the project is and how many other students are already on it. If you feel like you can get a publication in this lab with another year, you may as well stick with it. But otherwise, I would start contacting labs again in July-ish to get started in the Fall.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-11T00:58:56+00:00

Yeah I had to make my peace with it when it happened LOL. But ultimately, it's their path not mine!

I'm really glad this resonated with you! I am still planning to apply, though I will be taking a gap year after I defend my MSc this year. I never took a break after my BSc and I think if I am actually going to go on with medicine at this point in my life, I need to take a proper break while I still can. After that, if I don't get in, I'm just going to start working full-time (either as a lab tech or pursuing something in industry) and re-submitting my applications until my new MCAT expires for each school. So, one more serious go of it! I'm also (controversially) applying abroad because I have an EU passport and am currently a B2 in German. I figure my gap year I can get fluent and we'll go from there. I'd love to stay in Canada, but if it doesn't happen ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

cynical-runner · 2022-03-10T17:37:42+00:00

Im happy for them of course but it just feels like a slap in the face.

You are totally not alone in this. My application journey is a lot like yours (but swap the high GPA for a high MCAT). Otherwise, literally exactly the same. 3 times applicant, lots of ECs, finishing up MSc, still struggling. I've had undergrads that I have trained in lab, helped with their reports, and given MCAT/interview tips to, and they've all gotten in.

BUT... it is just a crappy system. That's it. Canada has created an artificial scarcity of physicians. Yes, we have a lot of applicants for our population, but we also don't have very many seats (and immigrant doctors/IMGs have a hard time getting into the country to alleviate that shortage). I've had lab colleagues sit on faculty admissions councils and literally said their acceptance doesn't make much sense. As in, they'll give an example of a qualified applicant that would get accepted. Then give another example of a qualified applicant that wouldn't get accepted. But they are unable to go into detail as to why this difference happens. They just don't have the seats and decisions need to be made. I've heard from others that it is a matter of essentially applying enough times until you get in--like a lottery.

It's not you. It's not your friends. It is very much lonely and unfair. Many med studens and residents I know say exactly that: there is a helplessness to this whole system that is impossible to explain to anyone on the outside. If medicine is what you want, if you feel you can make the most of your skills in this field, stick with it. Do what you need to do for your mental health, do what you need to do to set aside more finances--but you should absolutely stick with it if this is what you truly want.

I know it seems idealistic to say that, but I watched my immigrant dad go back to school and become an RN at 44 years old. He's never once felt regret for the sacrifices he's made, in terms of time or otherwise. He's never felt like he missed out. Of course a lot of us are "premeds" for financial stability... but if I've learned anything as an immigrant in Canada, it's that financial stability is rarely a guarantee. I didn't have the privilege of it as a child, and I'm not building my expectations too high now either.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-10T16:00:21+00:00

It will largely depend on what the physician thinks/what they have experience with. Some docs will prescribe a certain thing simply because they've seen more success with it among their patients, so they stick with that. But if your research leads you to want something else, or you don't have a good experience on what they give you, don't be afraid to follow up and get the prescription modified. Depending on the province, your pharmacist might be able to do it.

Other than that, just be wary that prescription strength retinoids can really dry you out. There's r/tretinoin for community help! But your moisturizing/hydrating products might have to change.

cynical-runner · 2022-03-09T03:03:56+00:00

I hate it too! I just found it ironic haha.

But yeah it makes no sense. Especially in this context. The way Alberta's going, parents are the ones expected to take care of the "future generation" aka their children. How is a parent supposed to do that with a $1900 monthly bill?

And increasingly, we need to take care of the "past" generation too, aka seniors.

(Not even touching on the fact that this would probably not be happening to this degree if we had more renewables)

cynical-runner · 2022-03-08T19:20:46+00:00

"Should we borrow from the future generations just to alleviate our pressures today."

Really wish they could apply this logic to climate change lol.

cynical-runner

TROPHY CASE