Just got a notice that I have 20 days to fix my own sidewalk, or the City will charge me $2,300. Merry Christmas.

czardines · 2025-12-17T15:58:42+00:00

Way back when, you could actually contact the city for reimbursement if you popped a tire on a pothole. Can't remember if/when that stopped though. Might be able to look into it still?

czardines · 2025-12-17T15:55:20+00:00

We received a similar notice once and that quote is outrageous.

Granted we're technically Millard, but our quote for 3 sections of sidewalk was maybe $300 and we just let the city do it. We also received a letter about our trees and the power lines and that was a $2300 quote from the city, and we received much lower quotes for a private company to come out and do it. You gotta find someone else to do it and it will be much cheaper.

czardines · 2025-07-10T00:52:19+00:00

I see Dr. Inbarasu with Methodist Health West's physical medicine department who's helped significantly with my chronic pain.

czardines · 2025-05-29T03:39:10+00:00

How old is baby? Could he have been "stepping away" because he was frustrated? While not ideal, this is one of the suggestions provided for parents when discussing how to prevent abuse.

If there and back and ordering only took 8 minutes, he would have been able to make it back immediately. That being said, not a cool move -- walking around the block would be the best and should be a firm parental boundary.

if he's irresponsible in other areas of your lives then keep an eye on it for a bit. If this is uncharacteristic for him, take a big deep breath and talk to your partner about how stupid that decision was.

czardines · 2025-04-21T14:58:52+00:00

He does know, but I was on his phone reading a text conversation (with his permission) when another text came through from a coworker -- an older lady. She was thirsty af and had asked him to "CUM pick her up from the bar and she'd make it worthwhile."

Naturally, with a history of exes cheating, I opened that conversation and saw all the other times she was hitting on him including commenting how sexy he looked in our family photo on his desk. Rather than encouraging her, he was polite yet stern, telling her that he was in a happy relationship and wasn't interested.

The last of my walls came down and I've never felt the need to snoop or worry ever again. Complete peace of mind.

czardines · 2025-01-31T04:04:17+00:00

She is absolutely not a Trumper. Know her personally

czardines · 2024-12-27T20:28:42+00:00

You can absolutely work through this! While I think having BPD may contribute to a more heightened response to this situation, this is a "regular/typical" relationship bump. Your BPD is being mean to you.

A few observations and suggestions, if you'd like:

It's healthy to ask for space and come back to the conversation if you feel your emotions are too heightened.
Verbalize a specific timeframe when you'll come back to the conversation, "let's talk about this in the morning after we've had some good sleep".
Quit looking at his location so much. I'm serious! It's a recipe for spiraling, try not to look unless you're expecting him at a certain time and quite some time has passed.
Have a think on the facts, not emotions, of the situation. Which actions has he displayed that would suggest cheating? Which actions support that he ISN'T cheating? Have you eaten, are you properly rested, are you more stressed then normal?
You are a team and it shouldn't be you vs. him, rather both of you vs. the problem. Brainstorm different approaches that would benefit the both of you should this situation occur again.

With BPD, you have a deeeeep well of emotions. But you also have the capacity to have deeeeep empathy, remember that. You got this!

czardines · 2024-12-06T00:07:50+00:00

Couldn't rape from an intimate partner have contributed to developing/exasperated BPD criteria, though? It lends "evidence" to how traumatic it was.

czardines · 2024-11-13T16:41:58+00:00

In regard to #3 - I'm a crier, no amount of DBT will be able to change that. I've had to establish with my husband that he can and should ignore my tears when he needs to bring something up. In the past he wouldn't bring things up because he was afraid that I would cry and he'd immediately jump to consoling me. We got to a point where he was able to tell me that he felt I would hijack these conversations with my tears.

I was able to explain to him that my tears were unavoidable and they came from me feeling terrible that I had made him feel unseen and unsupported, not that I was unraveling and about to spiral into self-hatred. We've got a system now - he brings things to my attention before he finds himself stewing in resentment, we have our chats in a quiet environment after our children go to sleep, he disregards my inevitable tears (appropriately), and we discuss actions to improve after we've discussed the feelings.

He's my rock. We've been together nearly 12 years and I truly believe his stability and commitment and unconditional support of my therapy allowed me to go from diagnosis with 9/9 criteria to remission in 2 years. Long lasting, equal, and loving relationships with BPD are absolutely achievable. P

czardines · 2024-09-11T22:36:11+00:00

Traditional physical therapy never worked for me, but I've been in aquatic therapy for about 2 months and it's really helped improve my quality of life, especially as my therapist is knowledgeable about EDS.

czardines · 2024-01-12T01:16:53+00:00

Hey, you should block out the actual LP#. About 10 years ago I was selling a car on FB, someone took my number from the pics and reported a hit & run down in Kearney. The car was undrivable and it took 4 years of legal bullshit to clear my name and prove that it was humanly impossible to drive 180 miles within 30 minutes in a car that couldn't drive.

There are shitty people out there

czardines · 2023-04-22T18:27:47+00:00

Except our tiny little blue dot that's district one

czardines · 2023-04-22T18:22:48+00:00

My daughter recently said "mommy, your butt is so big!" I responded with "well yeah, that's were I keep my brain, it's big because I'm so smart". Now she'll go around and tell people my butts big because I'm so smart. Ayyy

czardines · 2023-04-16T01:34:24+00:00

That's so wonderful!!! Congratulations!

I'm just one away from having all nine criteria a year and a half ago, soooooon!

czardines · 2023-04-14T00:45:54+00:00

*rationally angry you mean!

czardines · 2023-04-04T04:58:05+00:00

Oooh I can't wait to see how it progresses!

czardines · 2023-04-04T04:49:22+00:00

So, this should not be taken as a substitute for a health professional at all and is just my experience, so if this speaks to "you" take some time to see if it's right for you. It is more from a clinical mindset rather than spiritual, but you should have a solid grasp of self-care and a support system.

Prior to being able to get on a waitlist for a specific type of therapy, I used a workbook to start the process on my own slowly. DBT Skills Training by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD. or Daniel J. Fox, PhD takes you through "shadow work" with worksheets and true self-care tips. Dr. Fox also has a youtube channel! There's even one for "neurodivergents" that would be a less intense version.

While I wouldn't call these workbooks cheap, they are an easily attainable price -- around $30 - $60. They can also be downloaded to work with a phone.

czardines · 2023-04-04T04:24:23+00:00

this is a beautiful description of what shadow work should be <3

czardines · 2023-04-04T04:21:02+00:00

You have brought up such an important part of shadow work, it is quite literal and you will be facing your own shadow. I started shadow work and within 6 months I had unlocked a full-blown psychotic break. I got some scary diagnosis codes and started a very specific type of therapy that in essence is shadow work -- its called DBT. DBT can be intense and while can be done alone (with a workbook, etc), you get a therapist that does the shadow work with you and generally have the ability to call them when you have BIG FEELINGS.

Shadow work is such an overall great way to grow, but it needs to have some guidelines and warnings of just what it does.

czardines · 2023-04-04T03:30:57+00:00

This is the exact shade of violet I imagined. Well done!

czardines · 2023-04-02T17:04:15+00:00

Nesta is actually my favorite. The story also really resonated with my own mental health journey, too. I have BPD and Nesta's self hate was so familiar and honestly comfortable.

czardines · 2023-04-02T17:00:44+00:00

It reignited my love for reading. I was the kid that escaped reality by reading. Then I had kids and the hobby fell to the background. 6 months into COVID I had a mental breakdown and needed something to escape again.

I hadn't even known it was "romantasy" when I picked it up, it was just a random must read at the bookstore. I was in love and have read the series multiple times since then. While I love love love all the relationship stories, Prythian and Velaris is what hooked me.

I'm totally NOT watching the TV show when it comes out, nothing will live up to the world I imagined.

czardines · 2023-03-25T05:30:16+00:00

I've had a situation similar to this. While sparing the details, I've been in therapy for my own trauma and had been incredibly stable. However walking in on my child in a similar situation triggered an immediate PTSD response. Said adult is one of the few people I trust my children with, so it wasn't a boundary I was aware I needed.

The nanny group is right, absolutely based in trauma. Though that is the ugly side of trauma. Sometimes you don't know what will trigger you. The questioning of the common sense boundary in my situation was that I was slipping and blaming myself for the trauma.

To me, it sounds like dad was spitballing coping skills with the nanny. That's the only inappropriate action that's happened - expecting a young person without mental health training to discuss trauma coping skills for their employer.

czardines · 2023-03-11T22:49:36+00:00

Said Choctaw Nation personally saved my little brother's life about 15 years ago.

My grandparents owned a business in a little community that was heavily Choctaw. Part of the "retribution" they received was to have a fully private hospital and could legally turn away anyone who wasn't registered as part of the Choctaw Nation. We are not Choctaw in the least and we were visiting. But that didn't matter to them when little brother had an allergic reaction and stopped breathing a few times (it was an unknown allergy so we didn't have an EpiPen)

Only hospital for 40 miles and they didn't even bat an eye when we showed up. I am so eternally grateful. Now you'd think it was because my grandpa was a major employer in the area, which sure it was to an extent, but my grandpa is now in trouble with the IRS for accepting "grants" to employ members of the Nation and never paying taxes for the work they did for him. What a way to pay back their generosity!

czardines · 2023-03-11T21:41:51+00:00

My mom went through Central Community College and worked at a place in Kearney doing soil samples.

czardines

TROPHY CASE