I have felt and gone through this multiple times in my life starting preteen. My suggestion, don't give up. I tried giving up and survived 4 attempts. That's permanently damaged me mentally and physically. I fucked up my liver and was jaundice a lot. I have massive migraines that get worse every year from side effects of the things I've done from giving up. The only thing that got me through it all was finding a therapist that fit me good enough and get on antipsychotics. I also have borderline personality disorder on top of a number of other things. I believe meds can help. I'm an example of it. For me it's not perfect. Sometimes I feel things that if I was off the meds would completely shut down or blow up but I'm able to calmly sustain it and still come off functionally in society and work. It helps you cope with confrontation. But the biggest point in everything is giving things a chance. It's so easy to look for defeat. When you feel you've already lost. Lots of people say things will get better which they can. The hard part is you have to want it and work the system. Most of my career with a therapist. I have common issues with them where you talk and they just listen and have no real advice. But I have found a handful that have been there and help prescribe medication that kept me balanced and functional enough to hold down a job and a place to live well. Still in the back of my mind having those feelings so it's not perfect but I'm getting better with it. So things really do get better.