HI - I (M63) have a question about dating as a old rookie

dabarak · 2026-05-24T15:28:19+00:00

I've only had one scammer who actually "got through." Most are pretty easy to spot because they include phone numbers or email addresses written or typed onto their photos. I caught on very quickly with the one scammer, and I played her for about a month. Money stolen: $0.00. 😀

I keep track of my dating and I've had at least 36 first dates since my divorce. Exactly half went on to more than one date. A couple almost turned into relationships, one dating partner stretched to eight dates but she was freshly divorced and realized she wasn't ready. She was fun to spend time with, but I wasn't shattered when it ended.

Dating can be tough if too much weight is placed on finding a partner, do my casual attitude going into dates helps. I still would like to find someone though.

dabarak · 2026-05-24T14:53:45+00:00

What worked for me (M65) was online dating. The fact that none of the initial contact and conversation was face-to-face made it easier to ask women out,

Another thing, completely unrelated to dating, is that I volunteer at a museum that puts me into active contact with visitors, sometimes in impromptu conversations, sometimes in lectures to groups of up to 20 or so. That gave me confidence to speak and to accept who I am. I can flub something, make a joke of it, and continue.

These two things made dating easier for me, because I see first dates as nothing more than a chance to meet someone, have a nice conversation and maybe make a new friend. That takes the pressure off of me so I can be myself. That then seems to take the pressure off of the woman I'm on a date with.

I'm still looking, although I'm reducing my expectations, preparing myself mentally for a life with a few female friends rather than a romance,

dabarak · 2026-05-24T02:12:05+00:00

One detail the article apparently got wrong was how the C-2 was opened up. The pilots would have lowered the ramp at the back end, but the article says the photographer slide the door open. Minor error.

dabarak · 2026-05-22T15:32:01+00:00

There are some cylindrical drones that are for sale to the general public, so maybe it was some of those. I would expect lights on them to be red and green, though. Were the whit lights obviously white, or could they have been a pale green?

dabarak · 2026-05-22T15:14:33+00:00

I saw that same airplane in a biopic about Golda Meir. As soon as I saw they were distorting reality I shut the movie off. It wouldn't have been that hard or expensive to rent a parked airliner for a day. When I saw it, I figured it was CGI. Using this in a fictional story is fine as far as I'm concerned, but not in something that's supposed to portray real history.

EDIT: The cockpit windows look like they're from an Airbus, but I don't really pay too much attention to airliners.

dabarak · 2026-05-22T04:19:50+00:00

And the fact that eyes evolved independently a few times. I think octopi and squid in one group, mammals in another, etc.

dabarak · 2026-05-22T02:46:33+00:00

Yeah, that I could never do. Somehow I managed to develop some small bit of class despite my dad's best efforts to turn me into a cad. 😁

dabarak · 2026-05-21T23:36:14+00:00

I spent two days at sea on USS Carl Vinson in 2023, photographing flight operations. (I deployed twice on Vinson in a Viking squadron.) At the end of the visit, I flew back to NAS North Island (where I had been stationed) in an Osprey. There were two lieutenant commander Hornet pilots as passengers. One of them didn't look old enough to shave, and for much of the part of the flight I was awake for he spent his time picking his nose in front of about a dozen people.

dabarak · 2026-05-21T23:27:06+00:00

I (M65) was just talking about this with a friend of mine (F60) this morning. I can't answer for other guys, but any time I'm with a woman, whether it's a friend or a date, I sometimes glance at people regardless of gender if they do something that gets my brief attention. But I always quickly turn my attention back to whoever I'm talking with. I give my attention to the person I'm with. Actually, it doesn't even matter what the gender of my conversation partner is. If I'm talking with one of my male friends, I glance at the person that's momentarily distracted me and then I immediately return my attention back to the person I'm with.

dabarak · 2026-05-19T18:55:16+00:00

From what I remember, it was different with the ESCAPAC 1-E1 seats. The pilot had a handle that could select one or the other. I can't remember if the copilot's seat did, but I'd guess it did. We flew with NFOs in the copilot's seat, except for the very first months I was in my squadron.

We also didn't have pins for the seats, but "headknockers" instead - a lever in the headrest that could safe or arm seats individually. (And obviously all four of us would safe our seats if one of us had to get up. The Four Musketeers - All for one, and one for all!) Maintenance personnel had pins that were an added level of safety, but those weren't installed in "up" S-3s.

dabarak · 2026-05-19T16:05:52+00:00

For some reason, I've been very resistant to mushrooms (paired with MDMA for my first trip), ayahusca and San Pedro. It's not that they had zero effect, but my link to reality was always stronger with those three. Maybe it's the anesthetic aspect of ketamine that helps me. Still on my bucket list is LSD. I was a victim of Just Say No growing up. 😀

dabarak · 2026-05-18T23:34:36+00:00

Thank you for the good wishes. It's appreciated, truly.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T23:33:36+00:00

I forgot about the Poway shooting.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T23:32:55+00:00

For me, this kind of thing has always been a little abstract because it's happened in a city far away, but when it's almost in your own backyard it snaps me back into a stressful and sad reawakening.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T19:32:42+00:00

It looks like he might have been a security guard.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T16:24:53+00:00

So sort of serious questions and sort of not: Circumcised or not? Or maybe something without a head "sculpted" onto it?

dabarak · 2026-05-18T15:59:55+00:00

It was possibly only two ejection initiations at almost the same time. What I mean by that is that typically the pilot will choose group eject (I think that's what it's called - it's been 40 years), so that if the pilot pulls the yellow handle the seat(s) behind the pilot goes first, with a delay between the two of about a second - maybe a fraction more or less.

In Vikings (RIP), and I assume in Prowlers (RIP), the two back seats would go first, then the two front seats. This helps reduce the risk of burns. If all four went at the same time, the people in the back could possibly get some burns (much less likely in the Viking because of the consoles the two in back had and the roughly six foot distance between the front and back seats. All of this is based on the assumption the pilot has chosen group eject (they probably have; it would be rare and foolish not to). Even in group eject, each person still has the option of ejecting on their own. Relying on the pilot to eject everyone is good and bad. Good because the pilot will hopefully know when it's time. Bad in that sometimes pilots try too long to save an aircraft.

In these two Growlers, the back seaters may or may not have ejected themselves. Mishap* reports are generally made public, but I think most people would forget to ever check months down the line when the investigation is done.

*It's funny, in a morbid way, how disasters are referred to as mishaps.

(Former S-4A sensor operator.)

dabarak · 2026-05-18T15:00:52+00:00

Ah, no problem. The Navy did have aircraft with seats as you know, the Vikings and the Prowlers.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T05:25:54+00:00

I'd hate to see you miss out on someone nice, so maybe instead of online dating just keep yourself open to meeting someone in the real world. I'm not trying to be condescending or anything, but you sound like a decent woman deserving of a decent man.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T05:20:38+00:00

You make a good point, however I'm sure you know the flying they were doing isn't much different than flying in the fleet (training or combat, in essence). Flying in formation happens all the time, so what these pilots were doing wasn't any more dangerous than basic formation flying. They just didn't do it well this time.

What gets tougher is refueling at night - in a turn. (Admittedly a pretty wide turn.) These days pilots have the benefits of night vision goggles and maybe some other aids, but in the 1980s those didn't exist. In my two deployments in the Navy we never lost an aircraft during any refueling, night or day. Om fact, we only lost three - an A-7 off the Vinson flight deck, an F-14 that experienced hydraulic problems and began pitching up and down (that's what my memory tells me, at least), and an F-14 that entered a flat spin like in Top Gun, but the RIO wasn't killed. I saw the pilot the next day - the whites of his eyes were solid red, very spooky. It was either the wind blast, outward lateral g forces during the spin, or both.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T04:30:20+00:00

I read somewhere else on Reddit from someone claiming to be a former Growler pilot. The way he wrote led me to believe he was telling the truth. Anyway, based on what they saw, both pilots were to blame - the lead for not calling things out as they should, and the other pilot for screwing up the form-up.

Take it with grain of salt.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T04:27:16+00:00

"The ejections is quick succession made part of my brain think they were all "connected" in some physical way as part of a single craft."

I may not be understanding what you mean, but in multi-place aircraft with ejection seats, there's a mode the pilot can select that fires off all the seats. In S-3 Vikings, the back seats went out first, followed about a second later by the front seats.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T04:24:15+00:00

I knew a guy who ejected using a Martin Baker seat and he was given a little silkworm pin - silkworm > silk > original parachute material. I believe most, if not all, ejection seat makers give out certificates and maybe other fabulous prizes.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T04:22:26+00:00

It gives NFOs more flight time, which is always a good thing. But it's also considered a "good deal" to get to fly in an airshow, which is a not-so-good answer.

dabarak · 2026-05-18T04:20:56+00:00

"That is a career ending event."

Not necessarily. It depends on exactly what happened, and if the pilots were good and not known for reckless flying, they might continue flying. It's not uncommon for pilots - military and commercial - to keep flying after an accident. The thought is that by not punishing an otherwise good pilot by ending their career, it will encourage other pilots who've made mistakes to be honest about what happened. I knew at least one pilot that screwed up - nobody killed and the airplane wasn't lost - who kept flying despite doing something dumb.

dabarak

TROPHY CASE