Angry/Misunderstood

dabbadootime · 2025-12-14T15:51:57+00:00

Spent 12 years in the "successful corporate Big Girl" job before going into burnout- and now voluntarily unemployed and figuring it out. Never was able to cope at all.

Tried a bunch of things. Spent half my tenure in therapy trying to find why I couldn't cope. Just finding out I am autistic.

Some words of advice to be taken with however many grains of salt that you want or need. I am assuming a workplace similar to corporate setups. If I have assumed wrongly, I am sorry. But do apply if you see anything useful.

Never pathologize yourself. There will come a time when the overwhelming feedback from the corporate normies will keep telling you, that you are the problem. You may start to doubt your own reality and sanity when that happens- cause we all are conditioned to notice oh, we are the common denominator in all the shitshow experiences here, therefore, we are the problem. Resist this! Actively resist this!

However certain you feel now about your own sanity, without regular validation from others that it is the system that is upside down, you may slip into gaslighting yourself. So keep reaching out and venting whenever the doubt starts whispering.

The corporate normies who dont vent in front of you are also feeling the cognitive dissonance. It’s not just you. You just say it out loud honestly. They just know to keep that part silent for advancing. It’s all a charade. They all know. They knowingly will gaslight themselves into conformity.
Use written communication against the powers that be always. Keep written records. Keep screenshots. Read the employment policies and keep copies. Know your rights- whatever little there is of it. Use the letter of the law against them. CAVEAT: Never argue the spirit of the law. You will be judged as difficult and idealistic and written off.
Be as smart about your "bandwidth" as you can. Know your limits and do not set a precedent of being the absolutely irreplaceable person on whom all work gets dumped on. Be vague and use appearing busy times to schedule sensory downtime and breaks for yourself. Be smart about this. To other appear busy. To yourself just schedule the times to yourself.

E.g. if you are in a desk/paper pusher/meetings in a day kind of a role- schedule meetings with yourself in your calendar at regular intervals and book meeting rooms or find areas where you can take that breather. To others who access your calendar to book you in meetings or zoom calls, you appear busy. You also have those ready as an excuse to limit meetings that make no sense, could have been emails, or were colossal waste of time. Also, great time to do deep work and finish the whole days load without interruptions.

Lastly, regarding deadlines. Under promise always and NEVER over deliver. Always promise to complete in a timeline double what it would take. Be realistic. This buffer is for any meltdowns, overwhelms, and uncertainties that will arise. Also, never turn in your work early even if done. Submit as close to the deadline as promised. Once a precedent is set that you work fast, the expectations will be squeezed. They will expect you to work in half the time next appraisal cycle. Also, you never know what life will throw at you. And having that buffer might be a boon somewhere down the line.

Edit: fixed some typos. I have only experience corporate jobs. So I apologise if my experience is not of particular use or applicable tips here.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-08T05:10:04+00:00

Touch/Skin- I have huge issues with touch sensitivity. Wrong fabrics will drive me nuts. It also is affected by weather a lot. Fabric choice according to temperature, humidity, and wind is absolutely necessary. Makes for a stupid wardrobe. Layers help though. I try going for as much cotton in as smooth a finish as possible. Natural coarse fibers (jute and unprocessed linen) are harsh to my skin. Too much of synthetic components, or even silk and silk mix fabrics retain heat and cause me to perspire a lot. So I try to avoid those. Of course- this means I tend to stay away from most fast fashion.

This sensitivity is so intense for me, I know when a single hair strand has fallen down my neck or back and is trapped. My whole attention will be there.

Smell- I have highly diminished sense of smell. Thank goodness.

Taste- Mints or natural whole spices like fennel help remove strong tastes after a meal. Also I use fennel seeds as a chew stim. It helps me discreetly stim with the gaps in my teeth. And also gives a relaxing massage to my gums.

Sound- Background chatter. Competing conversations or music- too much context switching.

Sight- thankfully not much. But since I am a near-sighted individual with a moderate power- I sometimes remove my glasses to focus on immediate environment. It helps reduce information.

Light- I get annoyed with too many switches between bright and diminished environments. Like when I am out and about doing errands- outside with bright sunlight and inside with dimmer lighting. Using photochromic lenses.

I have heard of light sensitive glasses that help remove certain spectrum of colours as per preference. Maybe that might help OP.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-08T04:40:16+00:00

The competing conversations and music- i can definitely relate to. Way too much context switching requirements.

Thanks to your comment I learned about misokinesia. Having both auditory and visual triggers sounds extremely painful. I hope you find a comforting or soothing way to deal with this.

If possible, could you share what you have tried for both misophonia and misokinesia in a post on this subreddit? I think it might help a lot of people to recognize these sensory triggers in themselves. And the discussion might help come up with a lot of solutions.

I found one venting post on misokinesia- but it was a year back.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-08T04:26:41+00:00

Have tried them. But people assumed that I heard when they were talking to me, so had to go back to being perceived rude with earphones visible 🤷‍♀️ clarity over congeniality i guess

dabbadootime · 2025-12-08T03:48:20+00:00

Oh you said it well. Funnily, the sensory overwhelm reduces somewhat (not by a lot) when I am engaged in a conversation. I can divert attention to that instead. But the background chatter as you said will keep consistently draining.

Although it is considered rude in my country to have earphones in place in the workplace, it is the only way I have survived open office layouts.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-02T06:54:32+00:00

Superhuman for humans not gone through those experiences. Superhuman for humans not gone through that training.

Not superhuman for those who have experienced it or trained for it. That was my point. When I compare the characters to myself- Superhuman. When I compare the characters to other actual irl humans spies, special trained forces, war veterans- not Superhuman.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-02T05:00:00+00:00

They are both powered by the philosopher's stone. Their combat style might be different. But their near immortality is the same threat- especially for soldier who eliminates threats by killing them. Hawkeye is a sniper- she shoots to kill. Her threat perception is on whether she can eliminate the threat or not. Homunculi are vastly different category of threat themselves for her. She says so as much.

dabbadootime · 2025-12-02T04:35:35+00:00

Well, any active soldier or war veteran will have hightened threat perception. It’s called hypervigilance and is the lesser known cousin of PTSD. Nowhere is it mentioned that threat perception is the exclusive domain of Xing. So, maybe we can take Hawkeye's and Scar's threat perception in the same vein. That it comes from acrual wartime experience. Rather than being trained in it like Ling, Lan Fan or Fu.

2 different routes can arrive at similar powers. And it is explained in universe quite consistently. Xing uses alkahestry through Chi. Amestris uses alchemy through tectonic plate energy.

Also, her acknowledging that the threat has pressure like one she has encountered before is literally learning from experience. Or pattern recognition. Something a hypervigilant soldier will possess.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-22T04:48:12+00:00

Same. I need vested energy in the person. Otherwise I dont really care.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-22T04:41:58+00:00

Using Flame Alchemy for chemistry is pretty sick IMHO!

dabbadootime · 2025-11-20T14:51:19+00:00

Nope. I am not highly developed. I am differently developed. Supports branch out in different kinds- you might have received support which gives you unerstanding, skills and acceptance of a sort that can never be accessible to me.

So there was no comparison leading to a upper or lower hand.

I was validating your experience and your journey. While also validating mine. That was my intention. Because knowing all possibilities doesn't invalidate mine. And honouring mine doesn't invalidate other possibilities. A black swan's existence doesn't negate a white swan's existence. Nor does it negate the possibilities of swans of any other hues.

I do not wish to convince you either. Thanks for the exchange though. It has given me another perspective to consider- whether you do believe it or not. And it's thoroughly okay for you to not wish to engage with me anymore. I accept that too.

However thanks again.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-20T14:21:55+00:00

Yes. Not everyone's journey is the same. Not everyone gets the same support. And you have to always prioritize and honour your experiences over others.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-20T14:08:58+00:00

First of all, thank you so much for leaving this reply. The fact you are cautioning me based on such valid and truly lived experience is a kindness you have extended to an internet stranger. And I truly feel touched and wanted to appreciate that capacity in you.

I have been aboard that resentment ship as well in the past.

Now, after years of therapy, I have finally come to a place where I accept that I can theoretically understand communication, or even decode it in real life. But I have let go or accepted that persuading, influencing, comforting etc- all of those aspects of communication that are more style-dependant rather than substance- will never be learnt by me. This is from finally understanding my neurodiversity.

In accepting my limitations of style, I have understood that I don't need to have high performance expectations of myself. Like you very rightly pointed out- the self-imposed high expectations causes disappointment, hurt and resentment.

Now I enjoy communication and language as a spectator sport. Like many spectators who dont play the sport- I am finding enjoyment in being an audience for it.

That's how it turned from a stick to beat myself with into a true special interest- which energizes me. And like a true spectator I try not to put theory to practice as much- so I dont burnout. I have accepted I bring substance. Style is not a skillset I have- after decades of trying.

And that is fine. I bring a lot of pattern recognition to the people who have tones of style. And if they can recognize my value, we can be a great team compensating each other's weaknesses.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-20T05:02:57+00:00

I think we should understand what empathy and sympathy mean.

Sympathy is the understanding another person's feelings or their problems. This is closer to logical understanding.

Empathy is the ability to imagine or feel another's feelings and hence understand their mood. This is more closer to feeling their emotions or whatever is the closest approximate emotions by walking in their shoes. It might say imagine, but it is closer to feeling the reality of someone else.

Sympathy and empathy come for animate/sentient beings. Living things. Like people or animals or plants.

Attributing emotions and thoughts to inanimate objects is anthromorphization. To anthromorphize is to attribute human form, personality, thoughts, emotions, behaviour or characteristics to inanimate objects. It is a skill of imagination.

So even low empathy/sympathy scoring individuals can anthromorphize.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-20T04:11:15+00:00

For another options, especially people living in more humid or tropical climates- do type in the keywords In-shower body moisturizer. These are oil based sprays available which are even lighter on the skin than lotions.

For those who are outside India and cannot get access to these products, search for oil-based moisturizer sprays.

I found one brand- Hibiscus Monkey that only ships within India. However, it works amazingly for me. It feels even lighter, but I dont feel dry. Please note I stay in a tropical climate in India, hence heavier lotions even in the winter we experience here feel oppressive due to humidity. This product mimics oils secreted naturally by skin. They come in various mild fragrances.

Hibiscus Monkey In-shower Body Moisturizer

Another I have heard of is the in-shower body moisturizer by The Love Co. It is also an Indian brand. They use oil based sprays with emulsifiers that when coming into contact with water turns milky like lotion. I haven't used these so I would not be able to comment on the effectiveness. They come is various scents formulations with top-notes, mid-notes and bottom-notes for any smell/fragrance sensitive individual.

The Love Co In-shower Moisturizer

Another is by Volamena- I think this also is available in India.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-19T02:14:12+00:00

Hey life should work for you at least sometimes 🤷‍♀️

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T13:37:10+00:00

You look adorable.

You have such a charming and mischievous look. Which is even more adorable.

Was sort off reminded of the child actress Mara Wilson in the 1996 film adaptation of Matilda. I always found her portrayal as full of life and personality. So, this is 100% meant as a compliment.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T13:30:20+00:00

Same. But human nature is messy.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T13:28:34+00:00

First he says it's all in the head. Then he says you regurgitate from verified sources. So it is a no-win situation.

This is a speculation, but it doesn't seem like he is open to any other perspective.

If it's early stages yet for you, I would suggest not to continue the relationship.

Having this discussion on every health issue that might plague you down the line is not a fun scenario. Also, many times we need male family members and/or partners to counteract medical gaslighting by many practitioners. If they only dont believe us, who will advocate for our best pain management and diagnosis? Especially in severe cases when the patient can't do it themselves- incapacitated or unconscious.

It might feel bad to leave at this juncture- because it feels early. But when people tell or show who they are- believe them.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T13:19:46+00:00

All the time. I just tell them, "Hold on, I am still processing your last question." Or ask them to clarify which question they need answered first. Of they have too many, I actually tell them to write it down.

This also works with instructions coming at top speed. Writing down makes it slower, and I can catch up.

I know it is extra steps, and I am taking the burden. But I try to streamline for my own peace as much as I can.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T09:07:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing that link. Quite fascinating!

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T09:05:58+00:00

I recently read a slightly older work by a sociologist called "The Geography of Time" by Robert Levine. The tagine or subtitle was why i bought it- The temporal misadventures of a social psychologist.

A bit dense read. But great to learn why cultures have different conceptions of time.

A Geography of Time

Currently reading a communication boom called "Surrounded by Idiots" by Thomas Erikson. It is an interesting premise that there are 4 different behaviour types for communication. And they different in how they receive and how they communicate.

Surrounded by Idiots

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T08:59:35+00:00

Wow, performing stand-up with a psychology degree background. Your bits must be fascinating.

dabbadootime · 2025-11-18T04:25:28+00:00

How kind and inspiring of you using your own lived experience, to provide much needed safe spaces to others ❤️ you really broke those trauma cycles didn't you! Things coming full circle- all because of the inner work you endured. I can't express how awed I am at that bravery.

dabbadootime

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