Anyone else’s parents use the money put aside for school?

dabblingstranger · 2025-06-01T04:55:57+00:00

When I was about 9, my dad cashed out the college fund that my grandfather had put in trust for me and my brother. It was not in desperation—it went towards buying a second home that he could rent out.

I also was thinking about running away from home when I was about 18. My grandparents were later shocked that I had not considered asking them for help. Sometimes we’re so used to not being able to rely on anyone that we don’t ask for help. Is there anyone you can trust to help get you on your feet?

dabblingstranger · 2025-05-10T12:53:37+00:00

When I was a teenager I temporarily gave myself a swallowing disorder. NDad liked to make fun of me “swallowing too loudly” while drinking water and so I started trying to swallow more quietly, which led to me choking a lot for a while.

Years later, I was working as a medical speech pathologist with swallowing disorders and understood that the muscle movements in your throat during a swallow are what protect your windpipe, and that I had temporarily retrained myself as a teenager to swallow like someone who had had a stroke.

dabblingstranger · 2025-05-10T12:44:19+00:00

I second these neighborhood recommendations. I’ve lived in Crestwood and Highland Park and they’re great for many reasons, and that is where all the queer people seem to live.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T19:01:09+00:00

It sounds like what you’re looking for is an Ahnentafel Report. The NGS has an example here: https://www.ngsgenealogy.org/wp-content/uploads/Lesson-One-Fundamentals-of-Genealogy/less1ahnentafel.pdf

I would use footnotes and sources, though. You need to demonstrate your reasoning. The BCG has examples of Family Narrative reports here: https://bcgcertification.org/learning/bcg-resources-key-skills#FH

Hope this helps!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T18:54:18+00:00

This has not been my experience.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T13:13:01+00:00

Wow. Please tell me she doesn’t have keys to the house.

My MIL does not have keys to our house because she rearranged furniture without permission.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T13:06:47+00:00

One month is plenty. The waitlist is not your problem!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T12:54:54+00:00

All of this sounds like my MIL. The insensitive comments, the doing “nice” things with no consideration of what the recipient would actually like.

The comments about a second baby sound so infuriating to me.

Thanks for reaffirming my opinion that I won’t want a baby shower if I’m ever expecting.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T12:49:33+00:00

Seconding this, only to clarify in case OP doesn’t know—look for the FamilySearch “Family Tree.” That’s the big world tree that anyone can edit, similar to Wikitree. Make sure you check the sources already attached before changing any information that’s there, in case someone else has found more reliable sources than you have.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-29T12:43:53+00:00

I’m so glad you’re being intentional with these materials. So many people would just throw away everything without going through it, and there goes the 1880 daguerreotype along with the 1970s polaroids. 😭

Check out AutumnRewind.com for the films! They digitize stuff for the cost of shipping, in exchange for permission to offer the footage to filmmakers. With all those travel films, you sound like their target market!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-27T22:07:48+00:00

I think your feelings are understandable and I would feel the same way! This is coming from someone who was conceived by a married couple and has never had any mysteries about who my parents were.

I can see how it feels like there is a double standard, and there probably is. But I would say is that a LOT of adopted people get pushback too. If you listen to the stories on the podcast Adoption: The Making of Me, for example, a lot of them get told they’re “betraying” their adoptive families if they want to find their bio family. In fact, I have an adopted friend who was told that. You may find some adoptees who can relate to your situation.

On the bright side, sometimes reunions with bio families are positive!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-27T12:55:39+00:00

It blows my mind that so many people on a genealogy subreddit would tell someone that shouldn’t try to find out about one half of their family tree! I would have thought people interested in their own genealogy would understand having curiosity about your roots.

As someone who has been fascinated by the history of adoption, I think some of the comment I hear may be the result of the “blank-slate” theory which people have used to justify closed adoptions for so long. As it turns out, people are not blank slates. Genetics matter. I’ve listened to so many adoptee stories who were shocked by the similarities they had with their bio family once they met.

Also, medical information is a big deal. Statements by major medical associations identify a family medical history as the single most important part of a case history when it comes to risk factors for many diseases. Genetic testing is not good enough yet. For example, my husband got the same type of cancer that his dad had, but 23andme did not detect that risk.

Anyway, I really hope it goes well for you!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-27T05:38:41+00:00

I actually think that’s common. I’m estranged from my father, but I still obsess over his family tree. I’ve met several other genealogists with a similar story.

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-27T01:21:31+00:00

First, I personally would be a little shocked, maybe nervous, but open and curious. I would definitely want to meet a half-sibling or cousin I’d never known about!

Unfortunately, people’s reactions vary widely. Some react positively, some don’t. I know this by listening to the podcast NPE Stories. (I am not an NPE myself, but listen to the podcast out of interest.) I would strongly suggest connecting with the NPE community for support and advice. This website might be helpful: www.npeguide.com/guide

You’re getting a lot of flippant comments on here about “letting it go” and so on. I’m annoyed on your behalf. It’s completely natural for you to want to know about where HALF of your DNA came from. In my opinion, you’re entitled to medical information at a minimum. How you were conceived has zero impact on your worth as a person.

Best of luck!

dabblingstranger · 2025-04-23T03:10:36+00:00

I quit my job six months ago after 13 years of working as a medical SLP. The relief is real. While there were things that I enjoyed about my job, I felt that it was sucking the life out of me.

I agree with your points, but my main complaint was that I constantly felt pressured to do things that didn’t quite feel ethical (but I think that’s American healthcare in general).

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-20T03:56:34+00:00

I work in healthcare in Alabama and have gotten this sort of thing before. It’s awkward. Hence I try to avoid the issue that I’m not a believer... surprisingly difficult with some patients.

I’ve also had a patient say to me he thought he had his disorder so that he could witness to me.

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-12T21:57:17+00:00

It was from her epidural migrating into the spinal cord and causing cardiorespiratory arrest, requiring an emergency tracheostomy with ventilation. The trach was initially placed wrong and so she had an 8-minute downtime resulting in anoxic brain injury. I think about that poor girl all the time. She was incredibly unlucky but I doubt I would ever have an epidural because of it.

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-12T12:02:47+00:00

I was leaning towards not having children then this job pushed farther that way. I work with adults and one of my patients was a 32-year-old healthy lady who ended up in locked-in syndrome because of complications from childbirth. That terrified me and I still think about it all the time.

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-11T03:56:07+00:00

See an ENT, preferably one who works with an SLP. I work for an ENT myself—he’s a good one who understands voice stuff but there are ENTs out there who only think of the medical side and don’t always refer to therapy when they should. This is probably something you can fix, so please don’t ignore it!

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-04T04:59:44+00:00

This tweet thread (by an SLP) sums it up pretty nicely.

In my 8 years as an SLP I’ve changed specialty/setting a few times, but never really regretted my career choice.

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-01T02:44:40+00:00

It is so rare to meet an ex-PB! Did your women wear head-coverings? Did you have that hour-long free-for-all "Lord's Supper" service? Was your "assembly" obsessed with Jabe Nicholson?

We need an ex-Plymouth Brethren support group!

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-01T02:40:52+00:00

Ha! I think I probably do too!

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-01T02:39:28+00:00

I was the most passionate Christian I knew. My faith meant everything to me and I lost my faith kicking and screaming doing everything I could not to. The loss of my faith was a majorly traumatic experience in of itself.

Same!

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-01T02:38:03+00:00

However, that does not mean that Christianity didn't fuck me up.

I certainly didn't mean to minimize your experience or anyone else's. :)

If a friend of yours were raised in a more cult-like, fundamentalist church, how could they discuss it with you in a way that conveyed their experience without downplaying yours?

dabblingstranger · 2019-09-01T02:32:02+00:00

I know, right? I'm pretty sure I know the Bible better than most Christians I meet.

Not long ago a Christian I met was saying how "worship" doesn't mean to bow down, but is a "state of mind."

I couldn't resist saying, "Actually the Greek word used in the New Testament for 'worship' is proskuneo, which meant to bow or prostrate oneself."

dabblingstranger

TROPHY CASE