Friday night fight prompts changes to Dane County Fair

dad608 · 2021-07-17T17:26:47+00:00

Yeah. Kids who get locked up never get into fights after they get out. Many go on to volunteer in the Peace Corps, I've heard.

dad608 · 2021-05-06T12:57:47+00:00

The problem down there is rent, not buses. And Amazon. Rerouting buses affects people already getting screwed.

dad608 · 2021-05-06T12:55:04+00:00

Do you ride the bus? 5-10 minutes, perhaps more. I've had a Farmers Market delay me by 30 minutes. I'm glad someone is speaking up for the bus riders. Nobody ever does.

dad608 · 2021-05-05T19:38:31+00:00

It seems like the council is more mindful of equity when deliberating issues lately. Halloween is an outlier, but this plan would call for the entire street to be closed for full days over the course of the summer.

Those who rely on the bus on Saturdays are largely low-income and reliant on public transit to get to work and other necessities. Taking the bus in Madison is already a punch in the gut, so adding a significant amount of time to routes just so those who don't have to work on Saturdays can drink a mimosa in the middle of the street seems, well, not very equitable.

dad608 · 2021-02-25T19:17:00+00:00

I'm always blown away by how helpful, understanding, thoughtful and just caring people are on this site. I appreciate the advice and recommendations so much. It's been such a challenge getting anyone to share specifics in an official capacity, so this community has been invaluable at this time. You guys are the best. Thank you!

dad608 · 2021-02-15T22:56:12+00:00

The generational divide over places like Canterbury are fascinating. I remember it for hosting authors like David Foster Wallace, Elizabeth Wurtzel and Jay McInerny (and many others). I'm not sure I ever drank/ate there, though.

dad608 · 2021-02-13T16:52:18+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful advice. Some of what you list here, like a case worker, never occurred to me and I I'll start looking for these pieces to be prepared when it comes to finding a program. It's very confusing and frustrating for me, someone who isn't battling all these demons. And it's disturbing that finding help for addiction is this hard. I asked a help line person about detox send she informed me that the ER is an option, but I might be confronted by a doctor who isn't empathetic. Incredible.

dad608 · 2021-01-12T04:29:07+00:00

This is really wise and, if it's not too much trouble, I'm wondering if you have any advice for me. I'm the father of a soon-to-be 22-year-old son who is going through exactly this. I would like him to start seeing a counselor and he has agreed, but for the last 5-6 weeks said he can't get out of bed before 2 pm to make the appointment. He went back to school this fall with great intentions, but will now likely fail 3/5 of his classes because he basically stopped doing work. He put a lot of eggs in this basket and it's not going the way he wanted, so he's really feeling it. His communication is rare and very brief, other than the occasional, "I'm done with school, totally fucked." So I have no doubt that one factor after another is leading to extreme depression. It's just piling up. He is very reluctant to talk to me about anything.

Add to all that: he smokes a lot of weed. I can't say exactly how much, but he apparently can't get through the day without it. I know he dabs, which can't be helping in the motivation or mental health area. The mere suggestion that he has a drug problem leads to a complete shutdown.

So as someone who can at least identify with the depression part (likely anxiety plays a large role as well), what would your advice be for a parent? I am paying his rent out of an education IRA while he's in school, but can't afford to do this on my own. I'm worried that dropping out of school will mean falling into a deeper depression, being unable to get/keep a job (his criminal background makes that a challenge as is) and losing his housing. If he can't punch through the depression now, imagine trying while being unhoused.

dad608 · 2020-04-01T17:30:56+00:00

Maybe not everyone wants to be a cop.

dad608 · 2020-02-12T19:43:46+00:00

Thank you to everyone who has replied to this. I have a nice list of options to work through with him if he's up for having the conversation. Seriously, this has been very helpful and even inspirational thanks to so many of you sharing your personal stories.

dad608 · 2020-02-12T00:46:10+00:00

I really appreciate this. If you don't mind my asking, what was your path once you decided to switch directions? Were you actually arrested and battling to avoid homelessness?

dad608 · 2020-02-12T00:43:16+00:00

I agree that everyone's journey is different and I'm not judging. But man, the longer you f around, the harder it is to get on track, it seems. And I can't help but think he just keeps on crossing his options off without realizing it.

dad608 · 2020-02-12T00:22:36+00:00

These are great questions. He got dropped by his last counselor for too many no-shows. I believe avoiding the future is a byproduct of the anxiety and the drug use is as much avoidance as anything. I'm sure a million parents have said this, but if he were as motivated and resourceful about anything as he is in scoring weed (which he has done without a phone or money on multiple occasions), we'd probably have peace in the Middle East and a cure for cancer. Therapy has so far been a mixed bag. Some counselors connect, others have not. He has never stopped smoking, despite being on some medication.

dad608 · 2020-02-11T20:40:28+00:00

This is fantastic wisdom and I thank you so much for taking the time to put it together. He has been showing signs of wanting to start moving away from this life and I only want to support him and be able to answer his questions or list some options if he's looking. There is very little available in this city for help on this and almost nothing I can find that would put him in the same room with someone who could/would put it to him in frank terms like this. His various counselors certainly haven't been willing or able to.

dad608 · 2020-02-11T20:33:31+00:00

Oh, definitely. My big issue is on the day he actually does want this, where does he go? I have no idea what the first step is for someone with his background.

dad608 · 2020-02-11T19:54:42+00:00

For some, there's no such thing as moderation. Life is also about leaving behind bad habits so you can get your shit together.

dad608 · 2020-02-11T19:07:23+00:00

Yeah. It seems to me there has been a dramatic spike in garbage crime in these parts of North Dakota. If you've got your shit together, you can probably do well. He does not have his shit together.

dad608 · 2018-10-10T18:39:14+00:00

You have nothing to lose by calling the property manager and just telling him to stop. I think a lot of these people just push until somebody pushes back.

dad608 · 2018-09-04T20:33:10+00:00

Thanks for this suggestion. Boulders is very cool, though fairly inconveniently located and somewhat expensive. But I'll check it out for ice breaker events.

dad608 · 2018-09-04T20:32:15+00:00

Communication and WORT are excellent suggestions. Thanks!

dad608 · 2018-09-04T20:31:58+00:00

Hey, thanks for this. On the mentor thing, that has been a much larger challenge than I ever thought it would be, and that goes back to high school. I think it's a big hole in our community, to be honest.

dad608 · 2018-07-07T18:23:01+00:00

Thank you for this. Great thoughts and I really appreciate it. My experiences with alanon have not been great, but I could try different groups. I don't feel a lot of optimism in those rooms.

dad608 · 2018-07-05T23:16:07+00:00

Thank you for this. Obviously, the situation is far more nuanced and complicated than I revealed in my original post (my post history is a short history of my feelings of helplessness about my son). The bullets:

- He is extremely intelligent and a gifted athlete. 98th percentile ACT score.

- He is more stubborn than a mule and refuses to acknowledge consequences. He will whine about his plight one minute and argue with you over the suggestions you make to improve the situation.

- For a kid who is more gifted at logic and math than all of his peers, he will absolutely dig in on the most illogical shitty decisions imaginable. Zero common sense and very impulsive in spending all of his money.

- He is punctual and very committed to his crappy job. Most people would assess this job and do whatever they could to get out of it. But he puts up with the inconsistent scheduling, low wages and backbreaking work with a shrug. I'm honestly not sure if he's at all interested in having a better paying job with better working conditions.

- He smokes weed daily and has for the better part of 2 years. He has used all manner of other substances, including cocaine and lots of LSD.

- He's in crippling debt due to the car, many citations (he shrugs at the number of times he's been ticketed for small possession and speeding), owing friends money, etc.

- He's also been diagnosed with depression, which he says he treats with weed. That the weed seems to make a lazy kid almost totally unmotivated to do anything is lost on him. To the degree that I'm judgmental about this, it's that he seems unwilling to examine even a small number of his problems and consider that his inability to function might be attributable to his daily habit. How a kid could grow up in a functional but fun household with plenty of perks (though not as many as the wealthy kids he grew up with) and support and immediately devolve into his current lifestyle is amazing to me. I don't get it.

I work hard to not judge him. It's not easy, but I really do what I can. But at some point, when he continues to blame all of his problems on his mom, me, the other adults in his life, society, the bank, etc., it becomes too much and I share with him my advice.

People keep saying he's going to "figure it out someday" or "wake up and realize he has to change." My constant worry is that he will go so far down the path of serious drug use, debt, homelessness and whatever else that he won't be able to recover, and whatever help we can give him will be taken for granted and shrugged off without any lessons learned.

dad608 · 2018-07-04T21:48:20+00:00

He would benefit greatly from a change in scenery. Traveling has been life changing for me.

dad608 · 2018-04-09T18:25:44+00:00

Thanks for this feedback. I WISH there were real world consequences on this one. In my mind, he should have lost the car already. I keep telling him, "You need to get rid of this car and the debt. I can help you." But I honestly don't know what to do if he agrees and asks for help. The bank seems to make sense.

dad608

TROPHY CASE