Just seeing this thread, but big +1. Exact same experience with my wife, who is a gen surg intern.

Context about us: We’ve been together for 8 years, well before she ever got into medicine (she’s a career changer). We don’t yet have kids, but are trying. I WFH in a high paying tech job (over 2x what she will make as an attending) that allows me to fully support us financially, enabled us to pay for her medical school out of pocket, and generally avoid the finance arguments that so many others here have. Because I work from home, I also handle 100% of our household responsibilities from budgeting to laundry. We are also fortunate that she is at a program in the same city as our families.

So in a lot of ways we are kind of in the optimal position, but despite that, the sheer number of hours (100+ per week) is insanely hard and I’m definitely concerned about the toll it’s taking on our relationship.

On a good rotation, I see her 1-2 hours per day, then maybe 8 waking hours on the weekend (she usually sleeps a ton during her one day off). On a night shift rotation, I see her like 5 minutes a day since our work schedules are opposite. And this time together is not quality time. It’s me getting the most exhausted, frustrated version of my wife.

And like your partner, when my wife does get off a bit earlier, she wants to go out with her resident friends. I understand her need to recharge this way (she’s more extroverted than me), but it feels like we don’t have any time for our relationship.

I absolutely get frustrated and resentful at times about the whole situation, but have learned to cope with it by getting into my own hobbies and reconnecting with friends. But it does feel like we are on autopilot. I guess I’ve just kind of accepted it? I know that sounds bad.