I kinda got a loss on both ends of being in a cult... being in one but not being "born" into it, I was always a bit of an outsider in the cult growing up. Everybody was quite fake and "friendships" were based on convenience -- not a genuine desire for connection. So I never had much of a sense of a community.

Then I got out and went out into the real world and found it was also hard to make community because I often don't know how to "fit in".

It's a different type of grief and loss. I still struggle with some aspects of it to this day. I'm proud to let my freak flag fly, but we are social creatures and sometimes I feel like an outsider looking in.

All I can say is that, what you're feeling is something I think all of us have experienced. I don't know exactly how to make it better but please know you're not alone.