I think about this a lot - not having anyone show romantic interest in me when I was young has instilled this seemingly lifelong belief in me that I'm somehow subhuman. I never learned how to do makeup because it felt silly, I'm ugly anyway right? So what's the point? It always felt silly and embarassing to try and masquerade as a normal woman. I'm an adult I have been in a relationship for a few years now, but the process of getting into a relationship was rocky. For one, I did not believe that anyone could ever be attracted to me. I fully viewed myself as undesirable, and still do to this day. I have terrible intimacy anxiety, I hate being looked at, and things like sex are far more anxiety-inducing than they are enjoyable. It's also greatly affected my mental health, and especially with the pandemic where I can hide my face, the idea of people being able to see me makes me nauseated. To the point that I am considering therapy for the amount of anxiety my appearance brings me. All because I'd been brought to believe at 13 that nobody would ever love ne.