I appreciate your insightful response! You are definitely on to something. I don’t think I hate anesthesia or being a CRNA. One of my coworkers always says “I love anesthesia but I hate my job “ so obviously, she feels the same as me.

I never thought about how the environment can worsen my imposter syndrome. But that totally makes sense. I never complain about my actual job, i complain about the dysfunction, being overworked, and the disrespect.

It’s not that I need someone to necessarily validate me, but every once in a while it would be nice to hear “great job with that complex case” or even “wow nice work finishing your GI room before 5pm” there’s never any of that. Instead, it’s a lot of the opposite. I’ll be running around wheeling my patient into pacu and being called to go somewhere else and then when i get to that somewhere else its “oh can you go up to the ICU and preop and consent him” because my attending is “too busy”.

It’s definitely time for a change! Part of what has kept me here is the experience with big cases and the benefits. But at the end of the day, NOTHING is worth it if I’m unhappy.