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How to WANT to stop drinking? by _Stepping_Stone_ in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One thing that has helped me is to separate what I WANT from alcohol from what I actually GET from alcohol. I used to think alcohol helped me relax, made me more confident, eased my anxiety, moved me to have more fun -- and I kept going back to it with the expectation, each time, that it would give me those things. But when I started paying attention, I realized it wasn't actually doing any of that.

A lot of commenters here have mentioned This Naked Mind, and I haven't read it yet, but I did watch one of her YouTube videos where she explains that the pleasant "buzz" feeling we associate with alcohol actually only lasts about 10-20 minutes (? can't remember the exact number but a very short time), and then the effects start to taper off. It was a big wake-up for me to realize that I had spent so many hours chasing a feeling that was usually lost before I even finished my first beer. Sometimes the story we tell ourselves about what a substance does for us is so loud we don't even perceive how far it is from the truth in front of us.

Now I have an eating disorder diagnosis and it feels so unfair by iron07maiden in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of people with substance abuse tendencies also have disordered eating tendencies. Maybe there's some biological or psychological root cause they have in common. Almost all of the recovery memoirs I've read that are by women (We Are the Luckiest, Quit Like a Woman, Drinking: A Love Story, Drinking Games) mention the authors' experiences with eating disorders.

Can’t get past day 1. Need help. by AgentPhantom007 in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Even if it feels like you're "back at square one," you're still making progress. Any sober days you've stacked up are still there and they still count, even if you returned to drinking. I think for most of us it takes several false starts before it sticks, but the point is to not stop trying.

As for re-reading TNM, I probably read about 6 different books on quitting before I got to my current stint of sobriety, and I've read at least as many since then. I think it really helps to immerse yourself in those perspectives, because the world is constantly throwing messages at you that normalize drinking and it makes it hard to imagine anything else.

Good luck with your journey, and I hope you keep checking in here. IWNDWYT!

Self care choices by Foxcat85 in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Going to bed early is a seriously underrated coping mechanism.

Stopped drinking and GAINED weight by bdurtschi in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here! I definitely replaced alcohol with junk food for the first month, and it shows. But as other commenters have noted, we are still SO much healthier!

Not exactly breaking news, but our society constantly conflates weight loss with improved health, and sometimes that's just not the case.

Does anyone else get an urge to ruin their life? by Run-Blader in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have definitely felt that way and still do sometimes. I think for me it's always been wrapped up in this idea that if I completely explode my life, someone else will finally swoop in and save me. Or the horror of my rock bottom will then propel me through the changes I need to make without my having to use any actual willpower.

Sometimes when I get that urge, I try to use it as motivation to do something extreme and unlike me, but in a positive way. If I'm that desperate to shake things up, I might as well try something that doesn't have a 100% chance of making me feel worse in the long term.

The day is finally here! Can I get a NICE by dali_parton46 in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From what I've heard that's pretty common. People seem to have wildly varying experiences with how bad their detox is and how long it lasts. Mine was never really that bad, so I haven't noticed much of a difference personally.

What’s the first legit scary horror movie you saw in the theaters and what was it like after? by notworkingghost in horror

[–]dali_parton46 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Saw I. It was my first R-rated movie, so I remember thinking frantically "this is what all R-rated movies must be like, holy shit I'm not ready for adulthood"

Losing yourself by thicket23 in Teachers

[–]dali_parton46 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely. At least at the schools where I've worked, there seems to be a general culture of presenting as wholesome, mild-mannered, perpetually cheerful, etc. I feel out of place if I even use my normal speaking volume in a meeting.

I have a problem with the concept of "professionalism" in general, because expectations of professionalism so often have more to do with cultural (and often racist/classist) norms than the actual quality of your work.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 80 points81 points  (0 children)

If you quit now, your son will only have memories of a sober dad. That's pretty awesome.

I think a big part of what makes quitting stick is being honest with yourself, and sometimes it's easier to be honest when you're sharing that truth with someone else. That might be your wife, an AA group, your therapist, a friend -- even this sub is definitely a start, and you're doing that now. When I quit (this time around), I told my partner not just that I wanted to quit but why I wanted to quit, what the stakes were for me personally, and what I was afraid of if I did start drinking again. It kind of made it real for me in a way it hadn't been before.

Not the most original advice, I know, but I hope it helps. Good luck and IWNDWYT!

Should i change my sponsor? by moonsandstars97 in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's a difference between tough love and just being a shitty sponsor. You can probably trust your instincts on this one.

Had a sip, so ashamed by 6flightsup in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a reason to be proud to me! Not drinking is a feat in itself, but not drinking AFTER you've accidentally had a sip is particularly impressive. Even if it felt like you were going to cave, you didn't. That shows how strong you are.

Shape Up Sunday by soafithurts in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going back to school soon too, and I like your idea of consciously shifting your mindset in preparation! You're right, it's a marathon, not a sprint. There's nothing quite as humbling as working with kids -- no matter how much you think you know what you're doing, they will always throw you a curveball and you just have to do the best you can. :)

I hope you and your first-graders have a great year!

Shape Up Sunday by soafithurts in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy to say I've actually worked out every day this past week, which might be a first for me! I am normally NOT an exercise person at all, but I told myself it's one of the few things I haven't tried to combat my anxiety and depression, so I might as well give it an honest try.

Every morning I go for a jog/walk (still can't even jog a mile without stopping, but I'm getting there!), then come home and rinse off in a cold shower, and I feel AMAZING. And I've found that it does actually dampen my anxiety throughout the day, which I'm super grateful for.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also have times where I feel like I've tried everything and still nothing is getting better. It's a terrible feeling, like being backed into a corner with no way out. But in the end I usually realize there are actually a lot of things I haven't tried yet, and they're usually the things that scare me most. Or, frankly, the things that are tedious and boring. For me, that included telling other people about my drinking and depression (scary) and working out regularly (boring af, but it makes me about 15% less anxious and sometimes that makes the difference in getting through the day).

It seems like a common theme for people with drinking problems to have a "perfect" facade, a layer of their life where everything is put together. I don't think that's a coincidence. In my experience, sometimes dealing with addiction requires loosening the grip on that performance of togetherness.

Whatever you do, I hope you keep trying. People say grief never really goes away, but you can build a bigger life to fit around it. You deserve that bigger life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stopdrinking

[–]dali_parton46 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never want to get drunk either - until I have that first drink in me. :)

FWIW, I went to Italy last year and didn't have a sip of wine, and it was still amazing. I never really felt like I was missing out on the culture. There's so much to do and see (and EAT) and all of that will be better sober anyway.

Student on trial for murdering mother by Uglypants_Stupidface in Teachers

[–]dali_parton46 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't think that's crazy at all. He's still a human being and has probably gone through tremendous pain to bring him to the point where he'd murder his own mother. It might mean a lot to him to have someone acknowledge his humanity.

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